Feeling Betrayed, How Should I Deal - Page 4

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Cakers3 wrote:
@LilacTree Hi Ford - I think you meant to @bootsanne instead of me but that's ok because your post was well written.

Sorry to all who have to deal with pain - I let so much go this past year for myself taking care of others that last month it caught up to me big time.

Anyway, I hope the OP can find some help in these posts; getting old isn't for sissies for sure.

You're right Cakers . . . you will note I did notice it and changed it.

I hope bootsanne will feel better soon. Sometimes surgery can put people into a depression for quite some time. We've all been there.

Yep, it ain't for sissies!!

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

Yes, sadly, with further explanation it does seem to be more about keeping score and judging behavior and finding people wanting as to degree, rather than actual emotional "hurt."

As another poster said, people aren't mind readers, even if people think they should be.

Hearing from "the other side" might be enlightening.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

@Deanie wrote:
"Givers need to learn to set limits because takers don't have any."

I completely agree with this statement. I do think the OP has every right to be hurt by the people who have ignored her in this situation. You learn to treasure, even more than ever, those people who have shown you appropriate attention. Believe me, it is not only young people who are self-absorbed. A person has only so much emotional and physical energy, and it is a sad lesson when you learn those you have poured your heart and energy to don't reciprocate in the smallest way. Yes, be grateful to true friends and learn to put others who don't "on another shelf." I've been through this and learned the hard way. I hope this OP heals completely, with the support of those who are true to her.

HappyDaze · ‎06-13-2012

@Moonchilde wrote:
Yes, sadly, with further explanation it does seem to be more about keeping score and judging behavior and finding people wanting as to degree, rather than actual emotional "hurt."

As another poster said, people aren't mind readers, even if people think they should be.

Hearing from "the other side" might be enlightening.

I think about this every time I see posts like this as I know several people who are always upset because they feel no one is doing what they think they should be doing but I know, for a fact, that there are many people who are always helping these people. So either it isn't good enough for them, isn't "enough" for them, or they simply do not "see" all the help they really do get. I always take these posts with a big ol grain of salt as we are only getting one side of a multi-dimensional story.

lulu2 · ‎03-09-2010

@bootsanne

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time and feel abandoned. You are blessed to have a husband to care for you.

Over the years I've learned, very few people and especially the ones we most think would, reciprocate the kindness we've shown them. Dwelling on what we've done for others does absolutely no good.

Right or wrong people are consumed with their lives.

10grands · ‎03-10-2010

I hope you are feeling better soon. Please let go of your feelings of betrayal, it accomplishes nothing and adds more stress to your life.

Many people just do not think about it. As far as taking your husband lunch, etc. if you are in your 50's or 60's I would not have thought about it either.

They may possibly think you are not up for visitors yet. As others have mentioned you are lucky that you do have people in your life who care and are always there for you.

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

@libbyannE, this can be so true!

I'm in a situation now where I can be of help to an old friend. I drive to see her every other week. She seems to really appreciate it, and frankly that makes it so much easier to make the 2+ hour drive. Do I need slobbering thank yous and a big to-do? Nope. But I also wouldn't want 'why don't you come more often', etc. I've seen that kind of behavior alienate loved ones, often by people who can't afford to tick off the few who do care.

It's easy to judge that people should be able to do more, but until one lives their lives, one doesn't know how much effort it takes to make even a small visit.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

@PenneyT wrote:
@libbyannE, this can be so true!

I'm in a situation now where I can be of help to an old friend. I drive to see her every other week. She seems to really appreciate it, and frankly that makes it so much easier to make the 2+ hour drive. Do I need slobbering thank yous and a big to-do? Nope. But I also wouldn't want 'why don't you come more often', etc. I've seen that kind of behavior alienate loved ones, often by people who can't afford to tick off the few who do care.

It's easy to judge that people should be able to do more, but until one lives their lives, one doesn't know how much effort it takes to make even a small visit.

Agree. My dad is 94 with early dementia and he still lives in his own home with my 92-year-old stepmother who has Alzheimer's. I am on the phone with them and with caregivers daily and we just got back from their home, which is a 10-hour round trip. Closer to home, I help my 90-year-old mother and legally blind 95-year-old aunt, each of whom lives about a 3-hour round trip drive from here. I want to do more for them but my husband and I are spread pretty thin, and we have our own life to lead, which includes rescuing feral and stray cats. It's all good, and we are blessed that none of our loved ones suggest that we should be doing more. Quite the opposite, in fact. I did have a great-aunt when I was growing up whom we visited every Sunday, and there wasn't a time when the visit didn't begin with her talking about how no one comes to see her. By the time I was in high school, even my mother had pulled away from her a bit because of the guilt trips. In contrast, my dad's mom, who lived out of town, always greeted my infrequent visits with a joyful, "How good to see you! Come in! I have something to show you!" Etc

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

This can be the new world. It happens, people get busy, do their own thing. One person can only do so much, and only be so many places at once, we wish for something that just isn't. It's a rude awakening. Some families find a way to make it work, others just can't. No one's fault, it just is what it is.

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

Wishing you the best of recovery days. Don't know your age but is this the first time you've been betrayed in your life?

I think it took this ordeal for you to see what people are really all about. Many are about themselves exclusively. Expecting them to behave as you would want them is never going to happen unless you are a despotic tyrant dictator. I don't believe that is the case. If you have been generous to them in the past - that is for you to know. Let the ordeal become a lesson, then a blessing, then continue on with life. Life is good.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust