Among Friends

[CouponQueen]

This thread hit home to me..as I am the grandmother that has the kids all the time. Our daughter, son-in-law and almost 2 year old grandson live with us..and my son just moved back home a few months ago after the GF kicked him out (long story but she has issues..) we tried to treat her like a daughter but wouldn't allow it..she was not doing what our son-in-law did and consider us another set of parents..what she doesn't understand our hearts are big enough to love everybody..he didn't replace us he just expanded his family.  She said she doesn't like to come over as it feels like we are shoving it in her face that we are a family and she is resentful as her mother and sisters up and left the state to move 1000 miles away when she was pregnant  (planned)..and when she sees them the two times a year they are all involved for a few days before and after the visit but out of sight out of mind..and never think to send my grandson a gift ..card or anything special just thinking of him..kudos to Homedecor for the wonderful relationship she forged with her GD doing the specials! I digress a bit lol..

I am very close to both boys.  My SIL parents love their grandson and see him every week for a couple hours but they are not like us. They are more cold and he has to call if he is going to stop over ...I couldn't imagine when my son was living with his GF down the road and their son, if he had to call when he stopped over..he would be calling often.  They were always over..My daughter's  mother-in-law is a closet drinker and will binge and cancel their weekly dinner 30-min before..its one of those family secrets nobody talks about, but it isn't safe for her to babysit..the one time she was going to my SIL went to drop the baby off, she was drunk and he wouldn't leave the baby..it is now a unspoken given no babysitting, she admitted the issue once but won't discuss it now..but his father understands..only practical gifts are given...money goes to campers and things like that..on occasion they will buy him something and recently gave my SIL a 15 year old car for him to get to/from work..as his died..so they are involved to an extent but it is on them to how much.

My daughter wants her son to have that relationship with them as she too had great set of grandparents and want her son to have the same..my inlaws adored her and my grandmother (her great) absolutely adored her and I lol..so I set what I do by my grandmother's standards..if I am half as good as she was..I will be happy!!

So it is on them not my daughter as she tries and wants her son to have that with her inlaws.

My son's GF - she didn't grow up in an intact family, her mother had a daughter by three various men and the relationships were dysfunctional in abuse/alcohol etc. It left her a mess. Her mother has now found relgion and a man who is a functional alcohol with bipolar that is not treated with conventional meds but the liquid kind.

My husband became suddenly ill and disabled five-years ago without warning, very devastating to our family.. so my daughter and husband continued to live with us after the marriage as they help tremendously caring for their dad while I work and my job is odd hours, days etc  and my son does too. 

My son has joint custody of his son and has him 75% of the time as his mother has other priorities, work, finishing school, going out etc.  The positive is he is raised in our household with the same traditions and love my kids were.

I feel so badly for those grandparents who want to be in touch and not included. I cannot believe the DIL not inviting her MIL to her parents for Christmas Eve..but her son gave great advice but what gets me is how about the son married to the DIL..stand up to your wife..it is your parents!.  My MIL and FIL was great to us/me..when they went into a Nursing Home we were their Health Care Proxy..their contact (really I was..I handled it all) when they passed, I planned their funerals and their clothing. My Sister In Law..didn't want to be involved and just dumped it on me..my husband just became ill and we had no dx for over a year..she called me to tell me she had no clue how i did it and then take care of the funeral..I couldn't believe it..my husband was recently in the hospital for an extended period of time..she called once to tell him what a great addition I was to the family..Umm we have been married over 34-years LOL..

I am guessing Serenity that your DIL is now pregnant with a girl which will be born next year?  What about your Son...?

From the sounds of it..Homedecor and Serenity were wonderful parents and raised their kids in a great home with love and tradition..why they didn't carry that into their own adult lives is beyond me..you never can understand the influence a spouse has.

Sister Golden Hair..Ohhhh..I can imagine the great four years you had with your son and grandchildren..very surprised that your son would agree to move to another country and take his two kids away..

I am hoping and praying it all works out for everybody on this thread...and please do keep us posted....the pregnancy..baby shower and all the fun stuff..with technology you can be included..and Homedecor..I love how you adapted and forged a great relationship with your GD to the extent of several phone calls a week..you go!! Does her Mom or your Son facilitate the calls?  Just very curious..

Keep us posted..!!!

[Serenity-Now]

@homedecor1, ah, what a sweetheart you obviously are!  I'm both so glad that you have had things work out, & so heartbroken at the pain you suffered from thoughtless people.  All we can do is try to understand that people view life through different eyes & experiences than we have, & try not to take it personally.  It sounds like you have found a way to do that, & I am trying to do the same, despite a massive inferiority complex, lol!

I wish you the happiest of holiday seasons...you sound like a very special family member, & I wish we were in the same one

[Serenity-Now]

@Sister Golden Hair, I'm so hopeful this will work for my dh & I! But when our son was little, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with bedtime stories.  He had ADHD (the real deal), and couldn't possibly sit still for bedtime stories.  I am a book-lover, & would adore starting a bedtime ritual with our gd!  I hope we will get the chance, but will accept it & try to find a different way to bond that works best for her, if she isn't into books or story-time. Here's hoping!

[Serenity-Now]

@homedecor1 @Sister Golden Hair, 

Thanks, I'm looking into these books now!

What were your fav books from childhood?  

When I was little, I was put to bed very very early, because my father didn't want me around.  That is what taught me to love reading, & one of the books I absolutely cherished was Alexander Key's "The Golden Enemy" book, which taught the lesson of not being prejudiced.  I kept that book & 20 yrs later, shared it with my son...and now he says he plans to share it with his child one day, too.  I'm so pleased about that, because I brought him up not to be racial or prejudiced or hateful in any way, & if he thinks that book is worth sharing, then he 'got it' and I'm so thrilled 

[Noel7]

How about reading together?

My daughter's favorite memories as a child are of being read to.  I even read to her before she was born, they get to know the sound of someone's voice.

You could read over the phone when the child is old enough, no charge if it's a tablet or smartphone, in fact, you can do that on either device with FaceTime, you see the child, the child sees you.  No additional charge.

Or, if you know the internet well, you could always set up your own youtube channel for videos.

Your presents for holidays and birthdays could always include a new book or two, ones you talk over with your grandchild when older.

And at the same time, you have a hand in creating a person who loves books and loves to read, a wonderful achievement.

For Christmas, may I suggest, A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens and A Child's Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas.

[Noel7]

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@SerenityNowMyndi wrote:

@Sister Golden Hair, I'm so hopeful this will work for my dh & I! But when our son was little, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with bedtime stories.  He had ADHD (the real deal), and couldn't possibly sit still for bedtime stories.  I am a book-lover, & would adore starting a bedtime ritual with our gd!  I hope we will get the chance, but will accept it & try to find a different way to bond that works best for her, if she isn't into books or story-time. Here's hoping!

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Sorry, I didn't see this comment from you

I don't see reading aloud as a bedtime event only, I hope it becomes a possibility for you

[Serenity-Now]

@Noel7, luckily the DIL loves books & reading too, so hopefully she will allow us to be a part of our gd's life via reading her books via Skype or a webcam.  I am hopeful!  Please don't feel an apology is necessary, because I don't...in fact, I am very thankful that you took the time to respond to my post, because I need all the kindly support I can get, & it means more than I can say....thank you 

[homedecor1]

just wanted to share with you what I received in the mail today!

I was busy all day wrapping and getting my GDs Christmas box together to mail and my hubby hands me a letter.  Looked at it and thought "oh my Christmas card".

well imagine my surprise it was a note from her. So sweet brought a tear to my eye! So, you see those little special moments you share are never far from their hearts even though distance separates you (at least when they're little)!

In case your wondering - on the end is her Pop Pop raising his hand and not sure yet what one is me playing school one of our favorite things to do on Skype!

Such a wonderful surprise! Her mom said she was so excited to send me a letter cuz Grandmom likes mail she always sends stuff to me. 

[Serenity-Now]

Aww, @homedecor1...I would deeply cherish such an effort, too!  The only good thing about being the ones left behind, is how deeply we are able to feel the gratitude & thankfulness when we do get appreciated & recognized for the love we offer our little ones.  I'm so, so glad your efforts have not gone in vain, & that you & your little ones share such a deep & special bond!  There is nothing better in all the world, is there?  *Hugs*