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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,473
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

Just wanted to add one more thing! I have the same situation although I can travel to visit whenever I want YET they are always busy, have plans with her parents, etc.

 

So I would just like to say -- when my gd was old enough (about 2) I started sending her special cards w/stickers inside, maybe a little box of $ store toys, sometimes prints of her baby pics w/us and called her / her dad at least once a week. I never missed making her a Easter basket - I would pack it and send or any other special holiday.  I always send her window gels, window clings, and fun stuff each holiday & today she got her box of Christmas stuff she couldn't wait to call me!

 

I'm going to tell you what my younger son told me recently on a visit to see my sons (and of course, gd/DIL).  

During Christmas this transpired, I was visiting at their home I had babysat during the day.  It was Christmas Eve she came home from work and said thanks- then started getting showered and dressed to go out.  Well, I asked her "oh are we going out to dinner? She said, no we are going to my parent's house they always do Christmas Eve. Dummy me said oh, I am not dressed I'll have to go to and shower.  She said "Oh, you're not invited it's for family only" -- need I say more, the hurt in my eyes should have said it all.  My son comes home and I say to him "I'm not invited", of course, he had no answer.

I called my other son (upset) and he drove 2 hours to pick me up and take me to his house.  I will point out during my visit they had "grandmom and gd baking day -- to that I wasn't invited also"! 

 

During my sobs he turned to me and looked me straight in the eye: "Mom, your expecting too much.  You're expecting it to be the way it was when we were kids, the traditions, etc. and that's not going to happen." 

Make your own relationship with her not the rest of them!

 

This is the best advice I've ever received.  My GD and I are close in more ways than her other gmother, in fact, she calls her by her first name as she doesn't want to be called grandmom. That's OK it works for her.

 

I've learned to make my own memories with her, enjoy the moments I share with her and just be myself.  I wonder sometimes if I lived in the area if her other grandmother would feel the same because we'd be joined probably at the hip!

 

As your grandchild grows up your son will tell him/her wonderful stories about their childhood, when holidays come I'm sure he'll do as my son does tell him/her about the times he was a kid (and our crazy extended family of 40 every holiday), and tell her/him all about his wonderful mom & dad.

 

Honestly, you don't have to be near them to blend your hearts! It just happens naturally when we dont' even notice.  I just got done my nightly call with my gd and what a handful she was tonight -- but, I had a important call and I said I have to take this....she started crying Grandmom I didn't blow you my butterfly kiss and huggy!  So you see little things you do or say stay in their little minds.

 

May you have a blessed Christmas and don't worry about making traditions, just offer your love.  When they come to visit take lots of pics an savor those moments so you can share them with him/her when they are old enough to understand.  

 

Here's my HUGGY TO YOU ... all will work out! I know it in my heart!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,250
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

SKYPE is a wonderful way to keep in touch.

 

Our son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren moved to Sweden to be close to our DIL's family.

 

They lived close to us for four years and it was hard when they decided to move.

 

Talking on SKYPE is not the same as holding our sweet babies but at least we can see them.

 

My grandparents lived away from us but we did go visit often.

 

When I was old enough to read, they started buying me "The Little Brown Bear" books.

 

I would get one for Christmas and Birthdays.

 

My Grandmother would always write in the books, the date and a sweet message.

 

I still have these books today and they mean so much to me.

 

I always looked forward to getting a new book.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,473
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

@Sister Golden Hair

 

I forgot about those books my GD loves books.

Every Christmas since she was born I've gotten one of those recordable books from Hallmark.  Now that she reads a little, she'll play it for me, I can remember each moment I read that book to her.

 

This year I bought the Granddaughter one.  They are a little expensive but last a lifetime.  I wish QVC still sold those Golden Book sets I bought them for years for my niece and others, they still have them too!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,250
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?


@homedecor1 wrote:

@Sister Golden Hair

 

I forgot about those books my GD loves books.

Every Christmas since she was born I've gotten one of those recordable books from Hallmark.  Now that she reads a little, she'll play it for me, I can remember each moment I read that book to her.

 

This year I bought the Granddaughter one.  They are a little expensive but last a lifetime.  I wish QVC still sold those Golden Book sets I bought them for years for my niece and others, they still have them too!


homedecor1, thanks for reminding about the Hallmark books.

 

I will plan on getting each of our grandchildren one for Christmas.

 

Then they can hear your voice any time.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,473
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

@Sister Golden Hair

 

Fyi: went to Hallmark today all the recordable books are $5.00 off

but you can't use coupon from Hallmark (if you have one). 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,250
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?


@homedecor1 wrote:

@Sister Golden Hair

 

Fyi: went to Hallmark today all the recordable books are $5.00 off

but you can't use coupon from Hallmark (if you have one). 

 


@homedecor1, thanks, we are going shopping sometime this week.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 874
Registered: ‎07-05-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

What a great post, @doxie1!  That sounds lovely, to make sure pictures show the love.  It reminded me of a fav picture I took of my mother holding her grandson as a newborn, and you could definitely see the love shining in her eyes.  Oh, where did those days fly to, so fast?  Sure do miss her.  Thank you, I will definitely be doing that Smiley Happy

SerenityNow!
"Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her; still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings." ~Victor Hugo
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,882
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

It really upsets me that sons (or daughters!) are okay with a set of parents being shut out.

 

And that also goes for the other grandparents who do get to see the grandchildren, to not feel badly for the 'other' set.

 

I go out of my way sometimes to accomodate my children's in laws or their schedules.  It's not a hardship, but sometimes it is inconvenient.  But I understand with their working schedules, other family groupings, I can change our plans easier.

 

Our daughter's children see us all the time when we're in our home state.  They live walking distance to us.  And they also spend a lot of time with us at our other home.  Their grandmother comes up in the summer almost every year.

 

I have a son who lives quite a distance away and we bought a summer home to be closer to them year round.  Her parents see the children daily and I am thankful that my grandchildren have them in their lives.  They are a huge part of their lives and they are good people.

 

I can tell you I would not be happy with just a facetime relationship with my grandchild if visiting was just as easy.  I could only hope my grandchild would yearn to see me, in real life.  Would want to see me at the cookie party, the holiday party.  I would be very upset if I weren't invited.

 

Shame on parents and the other grandparents for making that happen.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,519
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?

Seeing how the world is today, it irritates me to know parents can be so selfish with keeping their children from establishing relationships with loving grandparents.  How can they not realize the importance of establishing these special bonds?   Everyone in the family should realize the importance of working together to provide the grandchildren a loving environment in which to grow and flourish.   

 

My siblings and I were blessed to know both sets of our grandparents, plus have a chosen set of grandparents.   Our paternal grandparents lived within sight of our house, and we saw them nearly every day.  Grandma and Grandpa had older grandchildren in their 20's by the time my brothers and I came along, but we were the ones who spent more time on the farm, and enjoyed being there, helping them.  I wouldn't give a million dollars for the love, the knowledge, and the sense of purpose I received from this set of grandparents.   My Grandma couldn't read or write, and Grandpa never had a drivers license or owned a car.   Money never seemed to be important to them unless there was a sick cow, or the tractor wasn't running.  

 

Our maternal grandparents lived 5 miles up the road; Papaw worked on the railroad and was only home on weekends; Mamaw taught Sunday School, and had her hand in everything church related.  They grew up without, raised their children with very little, and believed in spoiling their grandchildren as much as possible.  Papaw always had nice shiny cars, and from an early age I was taught to sit on his lap and tell him what I'd like to have, so I grew up thinking he had all the money!  Mamaw always said she didn't like that my brothers and I worked on the farm, but the actual truth was she was jealous of the fact we spent so much time with our other grandparents!   Her feelings didn't influence us, or change a thing, so she made sure my mom and us kids spent the day with her and Papaw every Saturday, and were at her table for Sunday dinner after church.   Mamaw had great influence on our religious beliefs, and she and Papaw also taught by example, to give of ourselves and do for others.  We had a widow in our neighborhood who swore she and her kids would have starved, or frozen to death if it hadn't been for my grandparents and our whole family.  Papaw saw to it she had wood and coal in the winter, and Mamaw saw to it they had food.  

 

My parents were stable, loving, good people, and they raised my siblings and I to be responsible, and good people as well.   The greatest compliment we have received in our lives, has been from people who knew our parents and grandparents, and say they see character traits of them in us.  Having had the connection to those four people, plus the chosen set of grandparents is a wonderful memory, and a blessing to carry in my heart.   

 

My daughters are in their mid to late 30's and do not want children.   I support their decisions.  I would rather have no grandchildren, then to have them, and not be a strong presence in their lives.   

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: Fav family traditions, esp when family only gets together rarely?


@homedecor1 wrote:

I wonder if he/she is related to my DIL! Her parents live 10 minutes away and have the pleasure of seeing GD whenever they have time and spend every holiday, if fact, her parents do Christmas Eve and if I'm there I'm not invited (or Thanksgiving) because it's a "family day for them" (wierd but I've accepted it's the way it is and my DIL family are ALL only children therefore it's just the 3 of them).

 

The only advice I can offer you is what I came to realize "every moment you spend with your new grandchild make it special". 

 

My only GD lives 1500 mi away and when she was a baby my son started skyping me and sharing all those special moments. Now that she's 4 everyday she calls me as soon as she gets home from pre-school and says "Grandmom I'm calling you on Skype go get your IPad". Sometimes we are on that Skype for hours....I'm like her play date! And I love it!  Some nites we have dinner together I am making our dinner and skyping then we sit down and eat via Skype -- oh goodness sometimes she calls back and we have a snack together and say our bedtime prayers.  Of course, this isn't every nite but I'd say 4 out of 7. We both look forward to these times -- distance can't come between our hearts.

 

Since you are unable to travel, etc. you can have a wonderful relationship long distance through the wonderful world of technology. I was scheduled to go home for the holidays and found out my son (her dad) will be leaving for business trip the day after Christmas. So although disappointed I know I'll be sharing in her exciting precious Christmas morning via Skype.

 

Its easy to do and if your kids have Apple products and you do you could FaceTime. 

 

As far as traditions I'm sure your son/daughter will remember his/hers and your visits can make new memories and traditions.  Just savor the time you actually have them and enjoy it.  

 

 

 


@homedecor1

 

Wow. Perhaps it is just my hormonal phase of life, but your post made me cry (good cry not bad). 

 

I don't embrace all the new technology, as I just don't feel it enriches my life or is necessary to me. But what fun and quality time you are getting from Skype. Of course I know about it (have never used it) but really didn't think about it being so interactive, fun and long term. This is just wonderful, and the next best thing to being there. 

 

And to OP, my only advice would be that when you do get that time together, make sure you have made some plans, have prepared living space, food etc. that normally comes with a visit like that, but be open to being spontaneous. Sometimes the very best things just happen, unplanned on the spur of the moment. I hate to actually suggest that one needs to plan to be spontaneous, but you kind of have to, or you'll be locked into plans!