Family advice please

isaboo · ‎03-13-2010

This may be a little lengthy but I will try to shorten it. I have a close family and we have always spent holidays together. My brother and I have usually alternated hosting either Thanksgiving and Christmas. About 8 years ago I noticed my sister in law seemed to be distancing herself from me. I thought I was imagining it at first but I wasn't. I have apologized to her for what ever it was that have done but she never responds so I just kept acting like normal. Fast forward their 2 daughters live out of town and come home with their families for about a week for the 4th of July. They have a big day and evening with sister in laws family and some friends. We are never invited which is ok I guess , but it is done to intentionally exclude us. She makes sure she posts pictures on Facebook. So, for the last 2 years my brother would host a Christmas Eve brunch to which her dad and new wife also attend. My nieces have also gotten to where they have distanced themselves although, they are always polite. My husband and I go (my son and his wife usually can't because he works). I have already started stressing about Christmas because I don't want to be where I am not welcome yet I don't want to make it more of a problem. My nieces make no effort to see or contact us when they come to town . Any advice or insight would be appreciated!

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@isaboo That's a sad situation. Off the top of my head there doesn't seem to be anything you can do to affect the actions of others. The nieces are seemingly going along with their mother's behavior and I doubt there's anything you can do.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@isaboo Despite your apology for you don't know what, you aren't going to know what the supposed problem is and be able to resolve it unless you ask. Your brother would seem to be the logical one to ask and if he claims not to know then it would seem he might be the one to clarify with his wife and daughters why the gradual standoffish behavior. Why go on wondering and letting it create tension? Just ask.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

On It · ‎03-15-2021

If I follow the timeline correctly, this seems to have happened as the nieces got older. It may be as simple as they want just their immediate family for the big holidays. You might test the waters by inviting your brother and his wife over for a barbecue or their favorite meal on a nothing weekend. See how they respond with no event or holiday pressures.

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

@isaboo Do not go any place where you do not feel that you are wanted. This seems simple to me. Skip the next event that they have. If it is your turn to host an event, invite them and see what happens. If your SIL and her children are rude to you in your home, that should be dealt with. If it only happens in their home, you can easily explain your absence. If you are concerned about the pics that are on FB, don't look at them, or host a great party without them and post your own pics.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

Dusty1 · ‎03-10-2010

@isaboo I'm sorry. That is hard.

Good advice so far. Ask your brother to be honest with you. Ask him if you offended your SIL, but only if you can handle the answer. Be ready to accept it or talk about it or apologize for it.

Don't let it go longer so that it continues to stress you out & that it gets to the point that it is really hard to come back from.

I hope it is some small misunderstanding that is easily fixed.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

Mute the Facebook accounts so u won't see the pictures

I think it is called snooze or hide

Just Bling · ‎03-10-2010

@isaboo

I would copy and paste exactly what you wrote and send it to Dr Laura and get professional advice.

She's great at seeing through specific family situations and giving great advice.

She has her show in the afternoons on Sirius XM weekday in the afternoon, you can also call in directly and talk to her. She's also on FB if you would like to message her there.

Sounds like you need some professional advice...no stressing.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

If you're feeling uncomfortable, don't go. Unfollow her on Facebook. If you still feel a need to press the issue, ask your brother. If he is not forthcoming, then drop it.

Maybe your sister-in-law doesn't feel the need to be close to you for what ever reason. It happens.

Enjoy the holiday with your immediate family.