Among Friends

[TaylorBrown]

People like who they like, family or not.  If your SIL started being distant around you 8 years ago, I don't see that it is going to change.  You said you are already stressed about Christmas.  I don't understand why. If you don't want to be there because you don't think you'll be welcomed, don't go.

[isaboo]

Thank you all for responding with good advice and input.  I appreciate it very much!

[Imaoldhippie]

Who knows why family and friends do what they do?  Its very obvious that your SIL has an issue and she choses not to solve it.  

What I would do is ignore her & your 2 nieces.  Explain to your brother (he must be in a terrible position being torn down the middle), if I had other relatives attending that I wanted to see I would go to family functions.  If not then I would stay home and make arrangements with brother to have him for a meal or meet at a restaurant at a different time.

Oh yes, unfriend her on FB.

[ROMARY]

Sometimes parents 'brainwash' their kids to not like certain people in a family.

Could be jealousy, or who knows what.  One never knows how others' minds work.

My parents always talked so nice about all family members.  Never attempted to promt  me to not like this or that person.

[homedecor1]

Sadly, this is why I so enjoyed last year when COVID decided for me I didn't have to stress over holiday commitment or the holidays themselves!

It seems by your post times have changed.  It's happened in our family too not from "pettiness or dislike" BUT times and families have changed from the many years ago when everyone was invited.

I have accepted my children have their own lives, people move on and frankly, as I said I've never had a better quiet holiday.  No flying, no hotels, no gift stress buying and just if my family has a gathering and I'm there I'll attend other than this I'm perfectly content "doing my thing".

Plus, its much to early IMO to start stressing the holidays eventhough retailers want us to believe its here ...

good luck and happy holidays

@isaboo  

[hckynut]

@isaboo 

Me? First I don't apologize for something I have no idea what it might be. Second, no invite? Lots of family things over my lifetime I wasn't invited. There were reasons and I understood.

Lastly, I look a person right in the face and ask them, point blank! Is there a problem? If so, do you want to correct it. Their reply is all I need to now, for the present and the future.

hckynut 

[Group 5 minus 1]

I was just about to say what the hockey guy said:Just ask!

[hckynut]

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@Group 5 minus 1 wrote:

 "the hockey guy"

@Group 5 minus 1 

I love it!  🥅🏒

hckynut

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[Tessa Mendoza]

I like @hckynut's reply.  I would have already asked her what her problem was and certainly not apologized for something I might have done or said to set her off without having any idea what it might have been.

But you already did apologize and she must know this situation is upsetting you.  Not knowing what caused this distance between her and your nieces (who are following mommy's lead) and yourself can be hard to deal with, I know.  I've had some crazy situations in my own family, 

I hope your husband will support you in however you wish to proceed, even if it's keeping your distance and not attending certain family functions.  You are already stressing about future holiday functions and it's bad for your mental (and physical) health.

Good luck.

[jannabelle1]

It sounds like your SIL isn't that crazy about her hubby's family! Seriously, something is bothering her since her daughters are now acting the same way.You'll never know until you ask your brother to be honest and tell you what's going on. If he won't, then just stop asking and trust your own intuition.

Personally, I wouldn't stress one minute about Christmas. If it's her turn to host, then I'd politely tell them that you're starting your own new tradition, or you've made other plans. If it's your turn to host, then go ahead with it but if you get the cold shoulder again, then make it the last holiday you spend together. Sometimes there is too much forced family togetherness!