Re: FAMILY LOAN DILEMMA

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
Had this been a desperate situation, being unable to return the loan in the promised two weeks is forgivable, but this was far from a desperate situation. The family knew the daughter's financial situation and they also knew they would not have the entire $1250 in two weeks as promised.
Why would anyone want to protect their relationship with this shameful family?

@occasionalrain - exactly. I married into my husbands family but they are NOT my family by blood. The husband who didn't get involved and apparently still won't. As well as the husband's niece and her parents......apparently no one gives 2 figs about how this hurt the OP's daughter. I wouldn't care at all if it "fractured" the relationship. I protect me first. Always (I didn't have children). Again, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

Oh please, no one's disbelieving who they are and quite frankly, that little chestnut has become both just a bit worn and just a bit precious. The reason for trying not have things escalate further, while at the same time still demanding answers, is because the woman who loanded the money is married, and has children. She's married to a man who is a blood relative of the 'problem' family. She need not ever feel the same about them again, but it might be best to avoid all out war, which is sure to impact her own family, if such is possible.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@stevieb wrote:
Oh please, no one's disbelieving who they are and quite frankly, that little chestnut has become both just a bit worn and just a bit precious. The reason for trying not have things escalate further, while at the same time still demanding answers, is because the woman who loanded the money is married, and has children. She's married to a man who is a blood relative of the 'problem' family. She need not ever feel the same about them again, but it might be best to avoid all out war, which is sure to impact her own family, if such is possible.

@stevieb - I certainly wouldn't do an "all out war" as you put it or take them to court or anything like that, but I would keep after the niece to pay me and then I would have as little to do with them as possible. And, to be honest, it would affect my relationship with my husband that he stayed out of all of it.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@San Antonio Gal wrote:
@Sooner wrote:

@pdlinda I think your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind about this. And I also think it's an expensive lesson she will have to chalk up to experience.

No she doesn't have to "chalk up to experience". She can take legal means to collect the debt.

@San Antonio Gal It's family. You don't take family to court over something like this. Going to court means no more family. I can't see that that would ever be worth it over this sum of money. It's a battle for life, grudges for life, maybe splitting up a family. And of course the only ones happy with the outcome will be the lawyers.
Why don't you take family to court?

If the money owed was $20 it would be no big deal, but $800 is a lot of money.

If you made $20 an hour, $800 is a week's paycheck....40 hours worth!

Family doesn't treat family like this. The niece
or her parents who guaranteed the loan payment, need to pay or and make arrangements to pay it off.

They should be able to pay $50 a month minimum....and for the trouble, they should pay interest.

Heck, no more family? Who needs family that treats you like this? They are criminals and ran a scam to steal.

I'd be down at the magistrate's office filing paperwork before this weekend if there was no plan in place to pay up.

No lawyers are needed for claims under $5000. It's pretty easy to do. Been there, done that...would do it again.

@Carmie Family? Nope. I would never ever go to court over a loan like that. My dad's side of the family that would never ever be done.

Mother's side might. I'm not sure. But I just am not wired that way. I could forgive the "loan" first. I have been forgiven for mistakes I have made, and I would remember that and pass it on. If the person is a thief, then I know that and it wouldn't happen again.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
@stevieb wrote:
Oh please, no one's disbelieving who they are and quite frankly, that little chestnut has become both just a bit worn and just a bit precious. The reason for trying not have things escalate further, while at the same time still demanding answers, is because the woman who loanded the money is married, and has children. She's married to a man who is a blood relative of the 'problem' family. She need not ever feel the same about them again, but it might be best to avoid all out war, which is sure to impact her own family, if such is possible.

@stevieb - I certainly wouldn't do an "all out war" as you put it or take them to court or anything like that, but I would keep after the niece to pay me and then I would have as little to do with them as possible. And, to be honest, it would affect my relationship with my husband that he stayed out of all of it.

@gidgetgh I think we agree more than we differ on this one. I'd not let it drop, for sure, and yes, even though he made it clear he wanted no part of it, I might be a bit annoyed at the husband for not taking some kind of a stand. And yes, to a point anyway, the damage is done. My caveat is I'd try to contain it as much as possible.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Sooner Have you ever been down and out? Have you ever had to feed children and not have money to shop for food? Have you ever fed your husband and children and gone without food because there wasn't enough?

Have you ever had your electricity or gas turned off for non payment? How about your water?

Well, all those things happened to me. When I was young and my children were small, we lived hand to mouth. There was not enough money to live on comfortably.

At that time, my husband loaned money to his boss....money we didn't have. He promised to pay it back on payday, but he never did.

We needed that money. I was so angry my husband lended money,but he was afraid he would lose his job if he didn't.

To make a long story short, I took his boss to small claims court. I had to borrow the money from my mother for the filing fee.

The court sided with us and we got the money back. My husband also lost his job. This boss was awful.

He and his wife asked me to babysit their 6 year old son for a weekend. They left him with me for almost two weeks and never called or checked up on him.

There are more horrid stories about this. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to survive.

Not everyone can just write off money that is owed. This causes you to get behind with all of your bills.

If you have never been in this situation, you're lucky.

$800 is a large sum of money to just lose. The OP said her daughter has children. The niece and uncle are taking food right out of these children's mouth.

Some people just can't afford to forgive a large loan and it is appalling to think a family member would even ask.

Not sorry....the money needs to be returned ASAP. It is causing a hardship for the young family who lent the money.

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

Wow - great post @Carmie .

800 really is a lot of money to just let it go to keep peace. The relationship is already damaged.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@elated wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@elated wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@San Antonio Gal wrote:
@Sooner wrote:

@pdlinda I think your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind about this. And I also think it's an expensive lesson she will have to chalk up to experience.

No she doesn't have to "chalk up to experience". She can take legal means to collect the debt.

@San Antonio Gal It's family. You don't take family to court over something like this. Going to court means no more family. I can't see that that would ever be worth it over this sum of money. It's a battle for life, grudges for life, maybe splitting up a family. And of course the only ones happy with the outcome will be the lawyers.
Who cares if it's family, that doesn't mean they don't need to make good on commitments. The relationship is already in the toilet. You don't need to hire a lawyer to go to small claims court. To keep pretending everything is good doesn't make sense. I hope the daughter doesn't give up and gets her money back. IMHO, you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.
@elated I discovered you have to pick your battles in life or be miserable. I saw someone do it. Just depends on how much a lifetime of anger and hard feelings are worth to you, and how much you let things like this determine what you think of yourself.

Is it about the money, or about your pride? Winning? Have to be right? Punishment? Getting back? Making a statement? Divorcing yourself from family? Good questions to ask.

My philosophy is to never tell a lie--especially to myself. Find out what your real motive is before launching into something like this.
A lie to myself would be thinking it is ok to let someone steal from your family..Maybe the money is not a problem to you but it is to many struggling everyday to get by. If it was a minimal amount, I would say just forget it but it isn't. You can't deceive someone about repayment and think it is ok. Family is suppose to be supportive and loving but sometimes it doesn't happen. This is the real world.

@elated The real world is what you make it, what you choose to do. If the money is an issue, it shouldn't have been loaned. That's a choice. Just like taking a family member to court is a choice and how each of us decides to live our lives, what our values are, and how we treat people.

Support and love is a choice, as is anger, fairness, and what actions are warranted. It depends on a lot of factors but in the end it is a personal decision. And different families see things very differently. One thing I believe is that families that don't support one another have a harder time getting along in life as families that do. I've seen that up close and personal.

And I do believe that if you take a family member to court, that sets the path for the future.

bikerbabe · ‎03-09-2010

@Carmie

I’m not excusing the lack of repayment and it’s fair to keep trying to resolve and get the money, but if the daughter’s financial situation is as dire as what you’ve portrayed, she had no business loaning money to anyone.

It sounds like it is a serious sum to her but perhaps you are projecting a bit? I do understand money being an issue. My mom was a widow and we didnt have a lot of money.