Among Friends

[Cakers3]

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daugher and I have always been close, but the last year or so, she has been pretty mean to me, always thinking about herself.  For instance, my birthday was two days ago, and although she took me out to dinner (hamburger place), there was no card, and no gift.  It was a milestone birthday.  For the gift, she said she would clean my basement.  This is the girl I have done everything for, never saying no, encouraging her, making sure she had the best of everything.

Yeah, I am sad that she is going to take a job with his girlfriend.  My exhusband also works for that company.  So the three of them will be nice and cozy.  Meanwhile, she has never had a great relationship with her dad.  I was the one that always had everyone together.  Now I stopped talking to my ex.  

I need to move on, I KNOW, but this really bothers me.  How do I reduce the hurt?

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@qvc chick  Oh poor you-how old are you?  No card and no gift.  With your attitude I'm surprised she spent anytime at all.

You should get down on your knees and thank the heavens above your child is alive and spent the time with you.

And where is your son?  The last time you showed up it was the son who was being enticed by this evil new wife.

Unfortunately posters do not get the history and that is the saddest thing to me-that you take advantage of good people by playing victim.  Every time.

[RedTop]

Just remember, how you choose to react to this situation will set the tone for years to come.

Give your daughter room to grow up.

[Sueliz]

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@dooBdoo wrote:

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            @qvc chick,  There's a wealth of excellent advice on this thread from bright and insightful people, and I hope you'll re-read and re-read their comments and really think about them.   

            I wanted to add something.   Focusing on what felt bad or negative, ruminating on real and perceived slights, and catastrophizing about all things that might go wrong...  this is a recipe for nourishing and generating bad feelings, sadness, worry, and anguish in you and also in those around you.

            Please take time to focus on all that has been good, the positives in each situation.   

            By concentrating on what you think is the “bad stuff” you’re in danger of missing the “good stuff.”   And you might never get the chance to recapture it.

            Some people think "count your blessings" is a vacant platitude but, in fact, it's been found that deliberate and repeated focus on gratitude not only creates emotional changes in us but also makes measurable physiological changes.   

            We also, in part, direct and steer our future by either choosing to predict doom and darkness or choosing to predict hope and light -- it can be self-fulfilling, and our choice.   

            In addition, it's important to fill your own life with new activities and people, to enrich your life and help divert your thoughts to a positive future.   

            These changes not only will help you, they also will help your daughter and son because they will see your example. learn from it, and grow even closer to you in the long run.   

            This community of posters comes together with genuine concern for you, and I join them in wishing you well.

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@dooBdoo, I wish I could "heart" this a thousand times!  You are such a kind and wise soul!   

[shortbreadlover]

as  hard as it may be to do, just take the high road and you will never be sorry

[AuntG]

Your daughter can be friends with her stepmother. You're still her mother and I'm sure you have no reason to feel threatened. Let this job thing play out in its own way. 

[Lindsays Grandma]

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@Lucky Charm wrote:

I can totally understand how you feel.

I always say, I would not handle divorce very well.

For the women (and men) who do it for the sake of the children --grown or minors---well, they are better people than I.

Someone telling me that 'you'll always be their mother' and 'sons/daughters are loyal to their mothers'--would just fall on deaf ears to me.

I just want to say, you're feelings are valid.  

Everyone here may not agree with that, but it is what it is.

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[katiemichelle]

Why not take a trip to get these things off your mind?  You do travel a lot, so you must enjoy it.  In the last year alone you have travelled to Sydney, Austrailia, Santorini, Greece, New York City, Florida, Finger Lakes, have I missed any trips?

Since you are able to readily travel, that's what I would do to get your daughter and ex husband off your mind!  Do your children care for your puppy you adopted last year when you are travelling?

[NYC Susan]

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@Mj12 wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daugher and I have always been close, but the last year or so, she has been pretty mean to me, always thinking about herself.  For instance, my birthday was two days ago, and although she took me out to dinner (hamburger place), there was no card, and no gift.  It was a milestone birthday.  For the gift, she said she would clean my basement.  This is the girl I have done everything for, never saying no, encouraging her, making sure she had the best of everything.

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This is very sad to me.  You had time alone with her on your birthday - she chose to be with you.  Most mothers would love that.

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I was just about to post the same thing.  All I ever want for my birthday is to spend time with my kids.  Lots of mothers don't get any acknowledgment at all.  I think what the daughter did was lovely and certainly not "pretty mean"  - dinner out and a gift she thought would make her Mom happy.   I hope she didn't sense the disappointment.  

I also think it's bad form to fall back on, "I did everything possible for her".  No one gets a medal for that.  As parents, that's our job.  We're supposed to do whatever we can to give our kids a good life and we're supposed to be supportive.  But not so our kids will then later on feel beholden to us to live up to our expectations and do everything exactly the way we want.  

[CrazyDaisy]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daugher and I have always been close, but the last year or so, she has been pretty mean to me, always thinking about herself.  For instance, my birthday was two days ago, and although she took me out to dinner (hamburger place), there was no card, and no gift.  It was a milestone birthday.  For the gift, she said she would clean my basement.  This is the girl I have done everything for, never saying no, encouraging her, making sure she had the best of everything.

Yeah, I am sad that she is going to take a job with his girlfriend.  My exhusband also works for that company.  So the three of them will be nice and cozy.  Meanwhile, she has never had a great relationship with her dad.  I was the one that always had everyone together.  Now I stopped talking to my ex.  

I need to move on, I KNOW, but this really bothers me.  How do I reduce the hurt?

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@qvc chick  Oh poor you-how old are you?  No card and no gift.  With your attitude I'm surprised she spent anytime at all.

You should get down on your knees and thank the heavens above your child is alive and spent the time with you.

And where is your son?  The last time you showed up it was the son who was being enticed by this evil new wife.

Unfortunately posters do not get the history and that is the saddest thing to me-that you take advantage of good people by playing victim.  Every time.

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No I think it was the daughters graduation.  The ex and his girlfriend (who had the nerve to come along) wanted to take his daughter out to dinner and didn't invite her.

[Cakers3]

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@CrazyDaisy  That was another story.  Her latest one before this one was about the son moving out.

It's obvious what goes on here-from her dating the ex who used her credits to book a room with another woman to the angst seeing this new girlfriend through the window in the kitchen of her old house to the graduation to the son living with her to this newest trauma-my point is that all the stories are the same just with a new twist.

I find it rude to string people along with stories that change and morph into something "new"-and always with the poor me chant.  I used to find it sad; now I find it cruel to take advantage of good hearts.