Ex husband troubles - Page 4

godi · ‎03-09-2010

You raised her well, she is accepting of this women as you are and she is in between you and your ex so she has to keep the peace on both sides. Remember she is in the middle of it all and in her heart she is trying to make it work. Step back and let her make her decisions. You will always be her mom.

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

It is not always easy or fun working with a family member.....I have seen it firt hand....I worked for 2 familiy businesses over the years...LOL

She is smart and she will always be your daughter....I wouldn't worry about it......you think it is going to be all warm and cozy if they work together.......might go the other way.....

qvc chick · ‎03-10-2010

My daugher and I have always been close, but the last year or so, she has been pretty mean to me, always thinking about herself. For instance, my birthday was two days ago, and although she took me out to dinner (hamburger place), there was no card, and no gift. It was a milestone birthday. For the gift, she said she would clean my basement. This is the girl I have done everything for, never saying no, encouraging her, making sure she had the best of everything.

Yeah, I am sad that she is going to take a job with his girlfriend. My exhusband also works for that company. So the three of them will be nice and cozy. Meanwhile, she has never had a great relationship with her dad. I was the one that always had everyone together. Now I stopped talking to my ex.

I need to move on, I KNOW, but this really bothers me. How do I reduce the hurt?

debic · ‎09-02-2010

You've needed to move on for a long time now. You've been obsessing about everything ex. I don't know if that's caused a rift with your daughter or what, but it's not your business. I actually liked my stepdad more than my own mother.

~~
*Off The Deep End~A very short trip for some!*

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

You're her mother, she'll always love you more but depending on how you handle this, she might not like you very much! She's an adult and you can't control her or your ex's new wife but you can control you! My DD has potential future in-laws that love her and treat her like a daughter, I couldn't be happier for her. I'm her mom, that will never change!

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@qvc chick, you'll always be her mom. I'm sure she's on to what this other lady is doing. Don't make a federal case out of it, so she feels pressured to choose. She knows you're her mom and love her to pieces. Don't forget there is a "dad" in the picture too.

FranandZoe · ‎03-09-2010

@qvc chick wrote:
My daugher and I have always been close, but the last year or so, she has been pretty mean to me, always thinking about herself. For instance, my birthday was two days ago, and although she took me out to dinner (hamburger place), there was no card, and no gift. It was a milestone birthday. For the gift, she said she would clean my basement. This is the girl I have done everything for, never saying no, encouraging her, making sure she had the best of everything.

Yeah, I am sad that she is going to take a job with his girlfriend. My exhusband also works for that company. So the three of them will be nice and cozy. Meanwhile, she has never had a great relationship with her dad. I was the one that always had everyone together. Now I stopped talking to my ex.

I need to move on, I KNOW, but this really bothers me. How do I reduce the hurt?

She took you out to eat AND she's cleaning your basement. Those two things were the gift. I'd take that over a card any day.

Why have you now stopped talking to your ex?

A therapist would be a good thing for you. Seriously. To cope with all of this and deal with the hurt.

dooBdoo · ‎06-27-2010

@qvc chick, There's a wealth of excellent advice on this thread from bright and insightful people, and I hope you'll re-read and re-read their comments and really think about them.

I wanted to add something. Focusing on what felt bad or negative, ruminating on real and perceived slights, and catastrophizing about all things that might go wrong... this is a recipe for nourishing and generating bad feelings, sadness, worry, and anguish in you and also in those around you.

Please take time to focus on all that has been good, the positives in each situation.

By concentrating on what you think is the “bad stuff” you’re in danger of missing the “good stuff.” And you might never get the chance to recapture it.

Some people think "count your blessings" is a vacant platitude but, in fact, it's been found that deliberate and repeated focus on gratitude not only creates emotional changes in us but also makes measurable physiological changes.

We also, in part, direct and steer our future by either choosing to predict doom and darkness or choosing to predict hope and light -- it can be self-fulfilling, and our choice.

In addition, it's important to fill your own life with new activities and people, to enrich your life and help divert your thoughts to a positive future.

These changes not only will help you, they also will help your daughter and son because they will see your example. learn from it, and grow even closer to you in the long run.

This community of posters comes together with genuine concern for you, and I join them in wishing you well.

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova

ItsME · ‎03-10-2010

@qvc chick ..... I don't know what your relationship with your daughter, but if it's good, you have nothing to worry about.

I don't know you or any of the facts, but you didn't talk about how you feel about your ex moving on. I can't help but think, that that is what you're really having problems with. And that's understandable. You're human! These things are hard, expecially if you're still alone.

I've heard so many stories of step-parents pushing their partner's biological children out of the picture. This woman is embracing your daughter and trying to help her. Again, not knowing the situation, I don't see that as her trying to steal your daughter from you. And, if you have a good relationship with your daughter, no one can put a wedge in it. Be there for your daughter and be her cheerleader. Keep your relationship strong, and try to be grateful that there is one more person looking out for her.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

You aren't and cannot be friends with an ex husband. That's part of your problem, you didn't make the break. You have a child together, a history and you'll be linked through your grandchildren but it's over and while you can be "friendly"; you aren't friends. No girlfriend or wife wants her man to be too involved with an ex who is having trouble letting go. Your daughter is an adult and she is YOUR child, if he goes on to marry 6 different women none them will ever replace you or come close to it. The woman is marrying a man who has a daughter and she wants to become friends with that.....adult daughter. That has nothing to do with you, whatever happens there is between them. Don't make the mistake of putting pressure on your daughter, they need to get along so that your daughter maintains her relationship with her dad. Your daughter is an adult, she knows that. You are feeling sad because your ex is moving on with his life. Since you've been on good terms, I think that's a normal emotion and you'll get over it. He's been with his girlfriend for 3 years so marriage cannot be a surprise to you. My advice would be that you keep things in perspective and don't dwell on your feelings. Take a trip, get a new hairstyle, go on shopping spree.....do something fun, be good to yourself.