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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,439
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

Thank you all for the good, clear, concrete examples.  That advice would've cost me $150 with a therapist!

 

In my case, I allow family members to drop their troubles and problems on me.  I'm like the unloading zone - it seems they hand them off to me and go about their business, leaving me concerned and worried long after they've moved on.  It's a slow process, but I'm learning.

~ house cat ~
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,467
Registered: ‎11-15-2011

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

Be careful setting bounderies!  When I went in the hospital for emergency purposes, I called a neighbor to bring me undies and toothbrush.  She told me, " I don't  have time.  I am going ??. ".   Never will forget that.  It hurt!!!

 

Somrtimes people need to unload and to them it is priceless!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,812
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

It means standing up for yourself and not taking krap from others.

 

 

It means saying, "No!"   to when people say or do things that don't agree with you .

 

It means standing firm and not backing down, and walking away.

 

 

It means not being tied to feelings of guilt for having done any or all of the above.

 

 

 

It means drawing a line in the sand, and if they cross it, that there will be consequences, and sticking to it.

 

If the other party doesn't like it?

 

 

Tough!

 

 

That's their problem, not yours.

 

 

 

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,470
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

@house_cat  It's kind of like drawing the line in the sand. You and the other person decide what is acceptable as far as visits, phone calls, friendships, giving advice, etc. 

 

Most of the time these decisions don't have to be  discussed....they're a given...a form of respect. Break the agreement  and you've stepped over the line in the sand. Most of the time there are consequences.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 786
Registered: ‎05-01-2020

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

[ Edited ]

@house_cat wrote:

Thank you all for the good, clear, concrete examples.  That advice would've cost me $150 with a therapist!

 

In my case, I allow family members to drop their troubles and problems on me.  I'm like the unloading zone - it seems they hand them off to me and go about their business, leaving me concerned and worried long after they've moved on.  It's a slow process, but I'm learning.


Years ago I heard a saying that has stuck with me and is good to remember:

'Never care more about someone else's problem than they do'. 

 

You may also want to keep in mind that it is a dis-service to others that care about you and/or need you to worry/fret over things you have no control over. Case in point - a sister would call my mom a lot about the latest issue/drama and I knew that that drained my mom so I kept quiet about my stuff so I wouldn't add to her burden. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?


@Camille1936 wrote:

 To me that means when someone emeshes themselves into another person's business . The way you wrote  you  have been advised  to " establish boundaries " that you are being advised  not to become involved so deeply in other people's  business/ issues .


 

There are several different kinds of boundaries, but this type of boundary is the first one I thought of when I read the OP's post.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,467
Registered: ‎11-15-2011

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

[ Edited ]

Maybe you can learn to just "listen" and not get involved. 

 

It's difficult to do

 

Sometime, when a person relates their situation to you, they will discover an answer by just voicing it.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,520
Registered: ‎03-30-2014

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

Would "detach with love" be a gentler phrase?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,683
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

I know who I am and what I believe.  There are things I will put up with and things I won't tolerate.  

 

Sometimes there are relationships I give up on because I have to protect myself and the people I love.  And there are people who are simply intolerable and or abusive.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,349
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

Girl to Girl Talk: Is It Wrong to Say No or Have ...

This is a really good interesting book on setting boundaries.