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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,250
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

Most people I know and are friends with, well, we all respect our boundaries, we all have them.  There's only one person that I know that wants to be everyone's friend, wants to know everything, all your business, etc.  She tries to "bully" people or she over compliments you to get you to tell her something, etc.  Setting boundaries with her is a must and difficult since she just won't give up.  She'll take a break, you'll think she's gotten the message only to start up again, she's relentless.  I have met anyone like her.  I've never had a problem setting boundaries with anyone until I met her and I'm 66!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,698
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

I've always taken "establishing bounderies" similar to setting limits.

 

I got to a point where those that were overbearing got a clear message:

"You act like a jerk, you're out of my life!".

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

@house_cat 

 

You might want to read the book, “Boundaries,” by Drs. Townsend and Cloud. It does a good job of explaining and helping people learn how to successfully set boundaries.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?


@deb5555 wrote:

Girl to Girl Talk: Is It Wrong to Say No or Have ...

This is a really good interesting book on setting boundaries. 


@deb5555 

 

Great minds...! Excellent book! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?


@house_cat wrote:

Thank you all for the good, clear, concrete examples.  That advice would've cost me $150 with a therapist!

 

In my case, I allow family members to drop their troubles and problems on me.  I'm like the unloading zone - it seems they hand them off to me and go about their business, leaving me concerned and worried long after they've moved on.  It's a slow process, but I'm learning.


@house_cat 

 

Please do read the book Boundaries. It can help you learn how to handle the situation.

Super Contributor
Posts: 459
Registered: ‎03-17-2018

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

Boundaries can be thought of as rules. Say you have a family member who is unpleasant to be around when they are drinking, so you set a boundary (or rule) that you will enjoy their company only when alcohol isn't present. Or, maybe you have a friend that you like, but can't stand their spouse, so you set a boundary that you will only go out for lunch with your friend individually, but not get together as couples. Anytime you have a source of conflict with a friend or family member, you have to set a boundary so you can maintain a healthy relationship. 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,539
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

@willdob3 

@deb5555 

 

Thank you for the recommendation. I will download the book right now.

~ house cat ~
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,287
Registered: ‎09-18-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

There is a book called "Boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life", by Henry Cloud. I would recommend it.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,553
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?


@godi wrote:

When my DH and I got our first home my father came over constantly. I love my dad but we were remodeling and he just talked and try to show the workers what to do. So, I had to sit him down and tell him to stop. I told him I would have him for dinner on sundays and to call but no stopping by. It was a very hard conversation but I had to set these boundaries for our sanity and so the work would get done on time and correctly. 

We had dinner every Sunday and talked every day. He didn't get mad he understood. That is an example of a boundary. 


I love your Dad.

I love your relationship with Dad too !

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,698
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: Establish boundaries? What does that even mean?

@house_cat 

 

Do you think you are an empath?

 

Empathy take on the feelings of the person whom has issues.