Among Friends

[mom2laxboyz]

Yes, that's exactly what they did ... at dinnertime!

[TaylorBrown]

How does someone "surprise" you with a 10-day visit and stay at your house?

[haddon9]

Wow what a story!  Sounds like a plot for a bad comedy only in real life it's not funny at all!

It is sad that you've had this connection as a pen pal friend for so many years and now it looks like it has run its course with an abrupt end.  I agree with everyone else that friends just don't show up unexpectedly at someone's home expecting to stay for 10 days (or even one night unless it's an emergency) particularly since you really don't know them all that well.  A correspondence relationship isn't a real life in person friendship no matter how long you've been communicating.

To top it off they may have complained to their family but for their family to get nasty to you is just so inappropriate but then it sounds like you saw their true colors in person when they came for their visit.

Honestly I can't imagine surprise visiting anyone!  Even for those who love to have guests stay people still have to get ready....freshen up a guest room, shop for food and make the house look extra nice with little touches.  

I visited my mother a few weeks ago in Florida.  She didn't know about our (my brother went too) visit until 3 weeks before.  My brother and I joked about surprising her but I knew for various reasons we couldn't and that's my mother!

[chiclets]

Friendship does not mean entitlement, and certainly does not mean one can surprise someone with a 10 day visit.

Frankly you were used.

Having been on a trip with them you should have been aware of behavior and should have said that they could not stay with you.

Having a friend is being a friend and they were not respecting you, or your home, as a  friend.

You did no wrong by asking them to leave.

[henderson]

To Name Already Taken:  you actually drive 125 miles one way to the airport to pick up a woman you've never met in person?  And there was a closer airport to you?

[ChiliPepper]

@sabatini

I'm so sorry about your friend passing.

[stevieb]

I don't at all disagree that it was improper for them to pop in for a ten day stay unannounced and just expect you to put them up... It also seems just so wrong for her family to be bombarding you with hate mail... All that said, I guess my only question is why you endured it for eight days and then asked them to move on... I guess had it been me, I'd have either told them from the get-go that the timing wasn't great and suggested a hotel or have endured the two more days and let them go merrily on their way...

If you're inclined to send her a letter explaining your point of view and why you think things went down hill, that's worth exploring. If not, your only viable choice would appear to be to simply let it go... Should you send her a letter, you'll know based on the response, or lack of one, whether or not your friendship is salvageable, assuming you still want to save it...

[sabatini]

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@ChiliPepper wrote:

@sabatini

I'm so sorry about your friend passing.

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How kind of you, @ChiliPepper. Thanks so much.

[homedecor1]

@Desertdi

ditto here in FL! But they give notice, are clean & I totally know them!!!

[mom2laxboyz]

A little more information ... she's never worked, her husband retired in his late 40s.  My husband and I are the same ages they are, but we still work.  And she knew I worked, as I had told her many, many times (how tired I am, can't wait for retirement, etc.).  We met up in Florida two years ago, we brought another couple, they brought another couple.  We had a great time.  We all stayed in separate rooms, obviously.  She and her husband "shared" everything -- from a breakfast muffin, cup of coffee, to a steak for dinner.  If the restaurant advised "no sharing," we'd all have to go to another restaurant.  I figured it was their way of saving money, AND they constantly complained that "American portions" are way too large, and in England they eat much less.

I never said, "Come anytime."  I have said, "When we retire, it would be nice to have you come for a visit." 

When they arrived, they ate like they were starving.  Every meal was a big anticipation, "What shall we have for lunch?  What shall you prepare for dinner?"  So many things bothered us ... my husband and I both called our jobs and asked for a week off.  I have ulcers and anxiety issues.  I'm on medication.  I told her on the second day that I wasn't feeling well and my stomach was so painful.  She said, "Shall we go to a motel?"  And I said, "I think that might be best."  But they never left.

Her husband used every inch of counter space, dining room space, etc. for his three laptops, cell phones, and ham radio with assorted plugs. In addition to the filthy footwear on the cream carpet, they constantly brought large glasses of pineapple, orange, grape juice to their bedroom and never brought an empty back to the kitchen.  When she proclaimed she forgot her shampoo and body wash, I offered her some of my Philosphy in the shower.  She drained almost an entire large bottle of Philosophy in 8 days.  I was anxious for them to leave.  By the eighth day, I was so drained, I asked if they could leave th enext day.  I just couldn't wait it out.