Elder care costs and a giant headache - Page 3

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

Why is this friend even involved in the mess?

Yes, I know it's family she's speaking about but unless she benefited directly it's really not her problem to unravel.

BriggsiePeawiggle · ‎03-09-2010

Oh my........this really is unethical. I understand the frustration of not using your entire estate to pay for care, but sadly, that is what most people must do. My inlaws had a nice healthy savings and a house that was worth quite a bit of money. We were using their money for their care. My fil died in August of 2015, but we continued using their savings to keep my mil in her care home where she was very happy. There was no Medicaid eligibility there at that home It was private-pay only. The bank account was spending down, and my husband said that even though we could've moved her to a nursing home where there was Medicaid and spent down her account and then eased her into Medicaid, he wasn't going to do that. He wanted to sell her house and just use the money to keep her where she was happy. Some would think this was silly.....maybe fiscally irresponsible. I thought it showed high ethics on his part. Rather than try to get their money, he wanted them to use THEIR money for THEIR care, and to me that's how it should be. While we were preparing to sell their house to use the money towards her care, she passed away. She was 99 years old and desperately missed her husband. She had a good, long life. We would never have tried anything "tricky" to get out of paying for their care. It wasn't our money!

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

@BriggsiePeawiggle Your husband is a great son and honorable person.

Isn't it the goal to have the financial means to care for ourselves until the very end in a way that we are comfortable and happy?

He was right it was their money, to provide for their care.

We have been told by many that nowadays leaving an inheritance is for the super wealthy or those who die fast and young.

BriggsiePeawiggle · ‎03-09-2010

@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
@BriggsiePeawiggle Your husband is a great son and honorable person.

Isn't it the goal to have the financial means to care for ourselves until the very end in a way that we are comfortable and happy?

He was right it was their money, to provide for their care.

We have been told by many that nowadays leaving an inheritance is for the super wealthy or those who die fast and young.

I think he is pretty swell too. The thing is, that after she passed, we still hadn't sold the house, but it sold without ever going on the market to friends of hers who loved it, and we got exactly what we were asking for it. I think the karma worked out for him because he was so loving.....just my opinion.

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

@BriggsiePeawiggle wrote:
@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
@BriggsiePeawiggle Your husband is a great son and honorable person.

Isn't it the goal to have the financial means to care for ourselves until the very end in a way that we are comfortable and happy?

He was right it was their money, to provide for their care.

We have been told by many that nowadays leaving an inheritance is for the super wealthy or those who die fast and young.
I think he is pretty swell too. The thing is, that after she passed, we still hadn't sold the house, but it sold without ever going on the market to friends of hers who loved it, and we got exactly what we were asking for it. I think the karma worked out for him because he was so loving.....just my opinion.

What a sweet ending to the story. It almost seems like his parents thanked him from above.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

@qualitygal I have sold houses for economic reasons. It is hard, but not impossible. Look at it this way: the kids took out mortgages from their parents that are now being called. No choice.

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

@Big Sister wrote:
A hypothetical question: would the elderly couple be taken care of in a facility if they were not legally in the US?

Since someone who is here illegally is not eligible for Medicaid, I would say no. I have worked in a few long term facilities and have never seen someone who was illegal as a resident. These facilities are very monetary driven and do not give charity care like a hospital would.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

It's sad that someone in that family tried to cheat the system and now the elderly who need the care are paying for it. What the family tried to do was not ethical and the laws are written as they are for a reason so that people don't give away their assets and then try to claim help which all of the rest of us pay for. This is not the government's fault and I have to say I don't feel sorry for the family. If the children already received assets from those elderly people, then they should use those assets to care for them at this time. Fair is fair.

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

@libbyannE wrote:
It's sad that someone in that family tried to cheat the system and now the elderly who need the care are paying for it. What the family tried to do was not ethical and the laws are written as they are for a reason so that people don't give away their assets and then try to claim help which all of the rest of us pay for. This is not the government's fault and I have to say I don't feel sorry for the family. If the children already received assets from those elderly people, then they should use those assets to care for them at this time. Fair is fair.

Fair IS fair.

The only people I feel bad for is the elderly couple that took some VERY bad advice not realizing the conquences.

So sad, now they have to be seperated as none of the family has the space or the resources to keep them together. One has phyical needs the other has memory problems.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@libbyannE wrote:
It's sad that someone in that family tried to cheat the system and now the elderly who need the care are paying for it. What the family tried to do was not ethical and the laws are written as they are for a reason so that people don't give away their assets and then try to claim help which all of the rest of us pay for. This is not the government's fault and I have to say I don't feel sorry for the family. If the children already received assets from those elderly people, then they should use those assets to care for them at this time. Fair is fair.

It was the elders that did it if I read the original post correctly.

They are in a situation now that they created when they made the decision to give the assets away..