Elder Care and Sibling Conflict - Page 2

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@Lilysmom1 You have been through some tough challenges. Even though you must have been exhausted, you handled it like a champ. I am so sorry that your siblings transitioned at such a young age. Your beautiful garden must have been a welcome retreat during this difficult time. You met the situation with dignity and established your boundaries while being of service to your siblings. Mush respect.

@Lilysmom1 wrote:
@chessylady , I went through an 18 month period where I lost three siblings, one every six months. The first died at age 59 with early onset Alzheimer's, one at 65 with lung cancer and one at 67 with ALS, all horrible diseases.

Family stress was high. I was major care giver to two of the three. By the time it was all over, I was exhausted. People do act out of character when under stress. Some pitch in and help and some don't. Some are troublemakers. I came to a place where I accepted that the only behaviour I could could control was my own.

With that attitude, I did my best to help and declined to participate in the drama. I found that to be my best way forward. If anyone tried to engage me in that dialogue, I simply said I was focused on care right now and left it at that.

Sending you a hug. You are in a difficult situation I wish you peace as you move forward. LM

godi · ‎03-09-2010

@chessylady So sorry for your family situation right now. Sending you prayers. @LuckyCharm gave you sound advice. ❤️🙏

chessylady · ‎05-01-2010

Thank you all for your kindness and sound advice. I know my focus is my Dad's health and my own..I cannot dwell on what has been said.

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

Situations like this are tough. I have had my share.

I have found kindness and understanding goes a long way. My husband is a good and compassionate man, especially in drama situations. I lean on him for strength. I refuse to be the one in the middle or the one who does all the speaking up.

Stress like this is awful and stirs up so many emotions.

Not an easy time, but you can do it. I will pray you find the peace your family needs at this difficult time.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

@chessylady

I don't know what happens to siblings as our parents decline.

I think not replying is your best course. You have alot to deal with your Dad. You don't need to add your brother's drama right now.

Sad but my brother did a similar thing. I let him spout off and never said a word. I doubt my opinion would change his mind after he had harboured resentment for many years.

Dusty1 · ‎03-10-2010

@chessylady Stay strong. Wow. Your Dad is 94 & dealing with all of that! What a man!

You got some kind advice here.

Just acknowledge your brother. Let him know he was heard. Then take the time to be with your Dad & appreciate him. It's good that you & your brothers are working together. That is huge!

It sounds like there is a lot to the story that you will have to think through, but maybe not right now?

Good luck.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:
I think what people are usually needing/wanting is acknowledgment, validation and compassion. With that in mind, a response along these lines would be my suggestion -

"You've obviously been hurt and I'm sorry about that. I'm also sorry that you've been carrying this for so long. I see where you're coming from and I can see the part I played and where I can do better. I welcome open dialogue. This is a lot to process and I'll do that once dad is doing better and we're not all so exhausted. I love you and appreciate our relationship."

@ThinkingOutLoud What a loving way you expressed this issue. Perfection.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:
I think what people are usually needing/wanting is acknowledgment, validation and compassion. With that in mind, a response along these lines would be my suggestion -

"You've obviously been hurt and I'm sorry about that. I'm also sorry that you've been carrying this for so long. I see where you're coming from and I can see the part I played and where I can do better. I welcome open dialogue. This is a lot to process and I'll do that once dad is doing better and we're not all so exhausted. I love you and appreciate our relationship."

@ThinkingOutLoud

Your response is so wonderfully worded!

Lilysmom1 · ‎11-08-2020

@phoenixbrd Thank you for your kind words. I have a special garden at the lake that was made during that time for my siblings. It gave me reprieve at a difficult time.

My heart goes out to @chessylady . Sending her thoughts of strength in these difficult days. LM