Among Friends

[Kachina624]

I agree the Moab, UT.  police did an atrocious job of interviewing Gabby and Brian.  I too cringed more than once and OMG, when the cop started talking about HIS personal life, I want to scream NO, NO, NO.   Moab is a very small town, I've been there many times, so is it possible they don't see many of these cases? 

Regardless, their police force needs some sensitivity training in handling domestic violence cases.  They were a great example of what NOT to do and say.  I too couldn't believe they suggested Gabby spend the night alone in the van in an isolated area.  They would have been in deep trouble if something had happened to her that night. 

[occasionalrain]

There are two sides to every story and he had visible scratches.  Not every situation has a victim and an aggressor, sometimes there are two aggressors and both enjoy playing the victim.

[GenXmuse]

As odd as it sounds, if they would have arrested her for the dv complaint, it could have saved her life. 

[Etoile308]

@Kachina624 , who says she had to stay alone in the van that night? If she did that was her choice as an adult to do so. She was not without resources. She had a vehicle in which to drive anywhere, even if she wasn't comfortable driving far. She had at least one debit card. She had a phone. She had a computer. She was free to come and go anywhere. She was free to ask a friend to join her. She was free to have a parent fly out and join her. Have a sibling join her. She, unlike so many others, had resources. 

I realize it's now become the fashion to vilify the police, but I fail to see what they did wrong given the circumstances they were presented with.

Dispatch received a call from a witness who stated BL was slapping GP. That witness did not stick around to give a statement. So although there was probably cause for the police to pull the van over to investigate, they could only act on what they saw, what statements were made to them, and what another witness Chris, who was not an anonymous caller, and was willing to provide a written statement, had reported. He indicated GP was the aggressor. 

Police often relay personal stories, whether true or not true, to put individuals they come in contact with at ease and to build a rapport. To get them talking. That's part of their training. That certainly doesn't mean they are taking sides, believe one side over another, or aren't trained and don't understand the signs of unhealthy releationships. 

Based on the facts as they were presented to them, the observable injuries, and  the witness statement the officers did what they could at the time. 

In fact, when the officer questioned  GP if her intent was to cause injury to BL, that was to establish if GP needed a mental commitment. She stated she never intended to hurt BL, so the police, by law, had no grounds to seek a mental evaluation. 

At the most, they could have arrested GP for domestic violence. Being from out of state, and having, to my knowledge no criminal history, I suspect those charges would have been reduced to a summary violation and if found guilty would have received no more than a fine.

And then two individuals would have been free to each do what they chose. 

You can't make someone leave someone until they're ready. You can't have more police intervention unless you give them something to work with. Police have to respond within the perimeter of the law in spite if what they may suspect. 

Unfortunately a young woman did not see the light until it was too late. She made a decision, as an adult with free will for whatever reason, to continue on a journey with BL. 

One hopes GP's story is a cautionary tale for others to learn from.

[Trinity11]

---

@occasionalrain wrote:

There are two sides to every story and he had visible scratches.  Not every situation has a victim and an aggressor, sometimes there are two aggressors and both enjoy playing the victim.

---

Gabby did not enjoy playing the victim. The fact is if she had she would never have covered for Brian with the police . She preferred to take the blame for everything. She was conditioned to by a psychopath ...her abuser Brian.

[ROMARY]

I have a feeling that, even if she was arrested or detained, or even sent back home,  chances are that they would have gotten together again anyway.

And that the same thing would have happened because he would have been 'angered' by the whole situation. 

Her only semi-safety, imo, would be to have moved back into her parents' home.  Or somewher far away.  Although, even that might not have been far enough.

No mountain is high enough (etc. re: the song) when it comes to controllers. 

[HLP]

---

@occasionalrain wrote:

There are two sides to every story and he had visible scratches.  Not every situation has a victim and an aggressor, sometimes there are two aggressors and both enjoy playing the victim.

---

I worked in an ER. She is the perfect example of a person, beat up, but afraid to talk. And they all are afraid of the man because, he will take care of them when he gets a chance. I've seen it many times, also they never want the jerk arrested. Its fear, and I saw it as soon as they showed her crying and shaking. And they forgive them. Poor thing didn't have someone who could help her there.

[gertrudecloset]

---

@manny2 wrote:

You have to also keep in mind that the police respond to domestic violence all the time. At times they arrest the male,and then the female bails him out, and they get called back again and again. Not to mention it is also a potentially dangerous situation for the police on some of these calls.  The cycle of abuse is a very serious issue, and there are no easy answers.

A start is to model and teach our children their value. We have to teach them they are OK right now in this moment, and that they do not have to change to fit what someone else tells them they should be. If they meet someone like that run do not walk. 

---

True.  Sometimes they both get arrested, when it's he said, she said.  Happens in my jurisdiction, they both get locked up for a while.

[hckynut]

One of the most dangerous calls for Law Enforcement Officers is Domestic Violence. Unless things have changed dramatically since 2 of my good friends became Police Officers and SWAT Team Members. They had/have very little training in Psychology.

Yet some expect them to practice it on potential suspects? Some like to say "it's common sense", and I say, really? It's the "they coulda/shoulda" Monday morning QB's, after the fact people.

To me the villains are the boyfriend and his parents. I hope they are charged with "Obstruction of Justice", regardless if this pos is found dead or alive. 

I ain't buying anything they said with their  "we don't know" bs. They knew exactly when he flew back for whatever, and they waited, how many days before reporting him missing?

To me the term dirty laundries is fitting for  all 3 of these subterranean humans. As for the Law Enforcement Officers that were in contact with them being at fault because they didn't XYZ?  I see only 3 likely suspects, and all with the same last name.

And remember, Domestic Violence does not only happen to 1 gender, but the percentages lean heavily one way.

hckynut 

[golding76]

Ladygray,

You were not alone in identifying with Gabby and recognizing the familiar behavior of someone trapped in an abusive relationship.  I use the word "trapped" on purpose because until you identify your situation, you are trapped in the lairs the abuser has set before you.

In a previous thread (dated weeks ago) several, including me, were paralyzed when we saw the appalling situation on video and caught in still photos and recorded speech.  There were red flags alerting others to the abusive relationship Gabby and Brian were experiencing.  Like you, I wonder how those flags were overlooked/ignored and Gabby was left to meet a tragic end to her life.

ETA:  Although being in an abusive situation is unlucky, sometimes when the "last straw" takes place, one is in a situation for an achievable exit.  I and my abusive first husband lived in Glover Park (D.C.), which is pretty much in Georgetown and off Wisconsin Avenue in D.C.  When he fell asleep with a knife by his side, I quietly left our apartment on a bitterly cold night, wearing only a light frock and loafers.  He did not know it but I had a maternal great-aunt who lived in an apartment on Wisconsin Ave. and was three blocks from me.  I may have told him about this at one time (don't remember) but he had never visited her and never would have thought that I sought refuge there.  I was lucky.

ETA:  I just had the strangest desire and decided to see if my great-aunt's apartment is still standing.  It is -- hurrah!  She died several decades ago.  Although this is weird, I admit, I wish to post a photo of the place where I found refuge.  I find it uplifting (or something that I cannot explain well).