Do you "drop in" on your grown children? - Page 4

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@house_cat First, thank you for being so considerate. Second, I would talk to my son and his wife and **ask** them how THEY feel about it. Never mind what your DH does, this is a matter for you to work out with them.

I'm sure it will work out fine given your description of the good relationship you have. And it doesn't matter what your DH does, this is about *you*.

Hope you'll give us an update!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Foxxee wrote:
I don't drop in on anyone, nor do I ask to visit. If someone wants to see me, they will contact me to invite. It's what I do.

Hurt feelings? That's on them, not me. I have no control over how they choose to feel.

@Foxxee Wow!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Mz iMac wrote:
@Sooner All of my pjs would be considered lounge pjs. I don't have ratty pjs.

@Mz iMac I'm so sorry for you!

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

Early in our married life, we lived near my mother-in-law. She babysat our oldest when I was in the hospital having #2, who also happened to have a rocky start. We appreciated her help, but I came home to my kitchen being rearranged, which included a few cabinets and the directional flow at the sink, which tub to wash in and which to rinse, and some countertop reorganization. She would show up from time to time and it caused me stress. With a newborn and a toddler, I may not have showered or even got out of pajamas some days at the very beginning. Dishes may have still been in the sink, and toys could have been strewn throughout the house. I would be embarrassed if the house wasn't clean and straightened up. DH had to ask her to call ahead before coming over. She didn't take to it too well but it seemed to us that it would be better to arrange a visit around nap time or when she could have dinner with us.

I also believe it's a matter of respect. Our children are adults with their own schedules. It would be presumptuous of me/us to show up unannounced and expect them to drop everything or interrupt their personal time.

That said, our kids are welcome to walk in the door anytime day or night. They can help themselves to anything in our fridge, cabinets, or pantry closet.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I like to call ahead, to be sure it's convenient for those I want to visit. Even if I call, I ask if it's a convenient time for me to visit on the phone quickly for them.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@house_cat wrote:

I probably should have added more details to my OP. I live in town and they live quite a ways out of town. I can't imagine a reason I would be in their area unless I was going there to see them.

@lolakimono

Most times she will text first, but there have been times she has dropped in because she was in the area shopping or something. While I abhor drop-in guests in general, I don't feel that way about my kids. They can stop any old time and I'm always happy to see them.

@PMG055

No, this is not the house where I raised my kids.

***GENERALIZATION ALERT***
I think women are more concerned about how they and the home looks when we have visitors. I don't think my son understands that while he would be fine with me dropping in, his wife might not feel the same.

@Imaoldhippie

I think your assessment of the situation is way off. I love her dearly and anything I would do for my own sons, I would also do for her. I stand by my assertion that mothers and daughters have a unique relationship. I know that my own mom would take liberties with me that she wouldn't take with my brother's wife. Maybe that's not true of everyone, but that is my experience.

@house_cat Oh so very true, mothers and daughters have a very different relationship than mothers and sons. I would never go to my son's house unless invited or texting ahead. Different for my daughter.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

Something not mentioned here....the in-laws who not only drop in but do not knock just walk in! I know of three sets of in-laws that have always done this. To me this is very wrong.

cindyNC · ‎08-01-2019

Yes, I would call or phone first. My former father in law agreed to help paint our house while we were working. One day my mother in law came along and dug out a bed of flowers that SHE didn't like..........

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

@cindyNC ...Yikes I would have been very angry to say the least.

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)

Foxxee · ‎10-03-2014

@Sooner wrote:
@Foxxee wrote:
I don't drop in on anyone, nor do I ask to visit. If someone wants to see me, they will contact me to invite. It's what I do.

Hurt feelings? That's on them, not me. I have no control over how they choose to feel.
@Foxxee Wow!

@Sooner

Lol. A little too strict and firm for you??

It's not "Wow." It's refusing to being taken advantage of.

I've had my share of unexpected drop ins in the past at the most inopportune times. Then expecting me to drop everything to entertain them with talk and snacks while they talk on their cellphones in front of everyone to friends who just wonder what they are doing.

I'm one example of someone who has had "enough."

I think they should know better.