Re: Do people actually keep score?

Catiele · ‎08-20-2012

You were too nice. Saying no is not a bad thing.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I am so grateful when I can help and consider it an honor to do so. I hope I will never be the one that needs help. I am not a person who will ask for help easily. Having said that it would definitely be hurtful to have no choice but to ask for help from someone you feel you have helped a lot and be turned down. It has nothing to do with keeping score. I think it just might be easier to ask for help from someone you have helped and know.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

I grew up in a family where all kept score.

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

There are definitely givers and takers in this world. I'm a giver, but I'm not going to allow myself to be a doormat either. Through lots of work I've gotten to a point of better self esteem and valuing myself more than that. Takers will find someone like that like a heat seeking missile and keep doing that if you let them.

I think @NicksmomESQ 's neighbor is the perfect example of that behavior. To take for all that time then say no in ONE instance that she asked for some help-that is nothing but a taker and just shameful. Neighbor doesn't feel like leaving the house? Well next time I wouldn't feel like doing that either. And that doesn't make me a score keeper. It's self preservation of esteem and dignity. Yes I'd feel badly that it affected her kids, but her kids are her responsibility. The fact that this neighbor would even say that she didn't feel like leaving the house, after years of what's been done for her, speaks volumes about her lack of character.

Being a giver is wonderful, but letting people disrespect you and treat you like dirt is not. Loving others starts with loving yourself. Always putting others before yourself can be very self destructive. I've seen it in a person I loved very much and my heart aches about it. See that tendency in myself and it's necessary to see it and stop it.

"This isn't a Wednesday night, this is New Year's Eve"

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

I would continue helping with the child @NicksmomESQ because it´s for the child even though her mom is being selfish. I´m the type of person who would be wondering who is there for the child and if she is ok.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
It becomes a case of "I did for you, so you better do for me, and if you say 'no', (for any reason) then you are ungreatful, and we're through!"

I thnk the examples provided - I did it for you over and over and over - and I inconvenienced myself at times to do it and then I ask you for a simple favor - that is not nearly of the scope I've done for you and your response is - I don't feel like it - ask someone else - sums up the "keeping score" aspect and hardly makes the person treated in that way "ungrateful."

I am more than willing to help people out - but if they begin to take it for granted and/or complain that I am not doing "enough" or refuse to help me (and believe me my asking for anyone's help is extremely rare) then I am done.

If that makes me "ungrateful" too bad.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

I don’t keep score, I am an automatic giver when it comes to my family and close friends. And I never crow about it.

However, when something I’ve done actually changes someone’s life for the better and it’s not only not acknowledged, but in some cases even denied, I do resent that. And that has happened several times. But even then, I don’t bring it up. I hate confrontations, they never solve anything.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Honorable people want to return the favor, those who don't are users and not worth your time. No one respects a doormat including the users.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@Carmie

@Carmie wrote:
There is a big difference between volunteering your time and money to help someone in need because you want to..vs... someone always asking for and expecting you to help them. Then, they are selfish when you need help from them one time and they say no for no good reason except they don't want to.

ItA. You expressed it perfectly.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@CrazyDaisy @You say some people need more help than others so does that excuse them from helping out?I think almost everyone is capable of assisting in some fashion.If you only take and never give are you deserving?