Among Friends

[Winkk]

My sister and I were talking the other day about how when we were young my parents would take us to visit aunts and uncles.  Go to their house and visit for a little.  I did this when my kids were young but over the years this practice slowly faded away.

Our lives changed (I'm not sure if it was for the better) but we all got busier and seemed to have other things to do.  Then came cell phones, emails, texts, etc.  We still keep in touch but we hardly ever visit anymore except for special occasions.  I was wondering if you still visit with family?

[Yardlie]

@Winkk ... We occasionally visit family, but even if we do, we prefer to stay in a hotel. It's just a personal choice...more like a mini vacation. We are having family from the East coast come to visit us later this week though.

I think with long distance calls being virtually free, Skype, email, texts, etc., it is almost like have family close by.

I've been doing a lot of genealogy research lately, and I'm amazed at the huge extended families that used to live together...and many had boarders on top of all the family. I told DH that people must have been a lot easier going years ago, as we all know what can happen when a lot of family get together around the holidays nowadays!

[proudlyfromNJ]

When I was young we would go to visit my Grandmother on Sunday. Aunt and uncle and cousins would be there. Would visit my other Grandmother on Saturday or a week day as she lived closer.

I don't have kids, but we visit my sister and her family in New England often and they visit us. Other sister lives in Australia, so I visit with her when she comes over. Don't talk to our brother.

[Mominohio]

Oh what memories this topic brings back.

We used to go visiting too. And I raised my son doing the same thing. A Sunday afternoon drive to some great aunt or uncle's home, sitting on the porch or having some lunch together, a game of cards or dominoes, then putting off saying goodbye until you were afraid you were overstaying your welcome and dark had set in!

Such great times and such great memories. 

But you are right, it has all but gone by the wayside. All the older relatives that made time for these kinds of visits are now gone. The younger generations left, are busy running here and there, and even those in my generation are caught up in so many things that they are nearly impossible to visit with for any length of time, and you need to schedule months in advance to get an afternoon with them.

I have a cousin that comes to the states to visit once a year, from Canada. She is 70 years old, and back before all our aunts and uncles passed, she would come to visit us while she was here, along with those aunts and uncles, and they would wile away the afternoon and early evening with us, eating, talking, catching up. We'd stroll to the garden to see what plants were doing the best this particular year, feed the fish in the pond, and just have a relaxing and connecting day. 

The last few years when she comes, there is no longer time to come and spend the day. We meet 'in the middle' at a restaurant with a few other cousins, eat a quick meal and everyone scatters back to their world.

Honestly the whole thing makes me sad. I miss those lazy day visits. No email, or text or even phone calls, can create the bonds and establish the connections that those visits from days gone by once did. And it isn't like these things in my life were only done many decades ago.

Up until about 5 years ago, these wonderful visits were still happening, but have faded out entirely since the passing of the last few of our grandparents generation. 

It seems that no matter how hard we try to keep that tradition alive, no one in our family is able or willing to continue it. Very sad indeed.

[Regal Bee]

We don't visit much anymore. We have a dog and a cat and they are not welcome in the homes of either side of our families. Since they are like children to us.....it has made a huge difference in the way we desire to visit and feel.

[Winkk]

@Mominohio - Everything you said is so true.  I also miss the "good old days". 

[chrystaltree]

It's a different world but my siblings and I make an effort to stay close.  Yes, we all have our own kids and grandkids and jobs and friends but we get together at least once a month.  It's flexible, we rotate homes but it can Friday Fish fry or Pizza movie night on a Saturday or Sunday brunch.  We don't ever want to become "weddings & funerals" relatives.  We have no older relatives, that generation is gone.  We have cousins and we try to all get together in the Fall or at Christmastime.  We don't do the drop in thing but we keep the connection.

[Desertdi]

My ma insisted that I was not related to my father's side of the family, so we very seldom saw them.    I only have one living blood relative on my maternal side.    We live thousands of miles apart, but keep in touch by email and phone..........     After my husband died, the in-laws drifted away.

[SeaMaiden]

I grew up without an extended family with relatives.  It was just my Mother and Father and my two sisters.  I never have or did meet any cousins or anyone outside of our nuclear family during my growing up.

 I know that there are many relatives......  I did meet my father's mother ( my Grandmother) when I was 12 once. She lived many miles and states away so we did not visit often if ever.  When I was a baby we lived near her, but I have no memories of that.  

My father had one sister but I never  met her or the children she had .  My Mother had family in NY city and a sister but she did not talk to them or  talk about them to us, so never met anyone ever on her side of the family.   I know that they are Irish.  I do not even know any names of my Mothers parents( my grandparents).

Growing up with no outside family was just how it was.. My parents did divorce  when I was 12.... and I ended up living with my father until I left home for good when I was 17. As got older and continued to  have no relationship to either on of them up until their deaths.  

 And at this time I also have no  current relationship with my two immediate sisters for about the last 20 years. No one talks to anyone.  It is just a "learned custom" from growing up without the understanding of FAMILY.  It is all I know, so I do not feel bad or anyway about it.  I do not feel like It is odd or anything. I do not miss anyone as I do not know them anymore.  

 It is just how I grew up.   It is my normal. I am sure this is part of the reason I never wanted kids.  I did not want to bring more life into the world and not be able to give them FAMILY as I did not have that abilty to offer it to them.  I am sure that my growing up would follow into how I parented.  It was just easier not to have children.

[Winkk]

You make some very good points @SeaMaiden.  You can't miss something you never had.  I have a few friends who never knew about their relatives for one reason or another.  We all have such different backgrounds.