Do You Have Any Unwanted Dinner Guests During Holidays?

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

From Downton Abbey, do you have anyone who "pushes in" on you about a holiday dinner?

I am speaking about a man who is an extended relative of an inlaw.

He has grown married children and small grand children. When his youngest daughter (married, with a 2 yr old baby) asked him for Thanksgiving dinner, he said "No, I want to eat at ECBG's".

I don't want him to "bring a dish" becuse I don't want a tradition started.

When he lived on the other side of the US we had him when he came to town.

Now he lives an hour south of his family.

He lifts not one item to take to the table, NOR does it occur to him. He doesn't take his dirty plate into the kitchen or help in any way. He goes into the great room and vegies out until dessert is served.

The bigger the group, the more intensity and work. I will work the next day for Black Friday.

He has taken DH and I out once, to Golden Corral.

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

I would say we are going out of town this year and leave it at that. Sounds like he should go mooch off his kids this year!

Nonametoday · ‎03-09-2010

I have a couple, my son's in-laws. His wife insists that her parents come for holiday dinners at my house because her mother doesn't cook. (Neither does she). My other children do not like it, we don't like it but my son says that is the only way his weird wife will come if her parents come. I would not marry anyone like that but he is stuck with her and so am I. The parents are just as nice as they can be. DIL is not nice at all. She is nasty and snarky. She never looks like she is coming to a dinner that took days to prepare, but maybe at a grazing buffet at the local greasy spoon. It's family. It's Christmas or Thanksgiving and I learned from the Golden Girls that it is not about the people, but the reason for the season. I try to be kind to her parents because they are some of the nicest people I ever met, but it is family time. I just wish they would talk to their immature daughter about this problem she has.

Etoile308 · ‎01-04-2014

For those that feel unable to reject anyone during Thanksgiving it may be time to try a new tradition. Tell then you won't be hosting dinner this year. Then make a restaurant reservation for only those you directly invite and don't budge.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

@ECBG Why do you patiently and hopelessly wait for him to 'volunteer'? Put him to work. Tell him you need some help; announce that everyone needs to take his plate to the kitchen along with a serving dish. Ask him to carry desserts to the table, etc. Maybe next year he won't be so eager to eat at ECBG's house.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

Nonametoday · ‎03-09-2010

@Kachina624 wrote:
@ECBG Why do you patiently and hopelessly wait for him to 'volunteer'? Put him to work. Tell him you need some help; announce that everyone needs to take his plate to the kitchen along with a serving dish. Ask him to carry desserts to the table, etc. Maybe next year he won't be so eager to eat at ECBG's house.

@Kachina624 @ECBG

I quite agree. I have a DIL I dearly love, but she likes to be attended. I tell her to get off her duff and let's get the dishes done. Dear son laughs about me doing it. He knows she does not want to help, that she is an indulged woman but I love her. She has a great personality and does not mind me telling her and then she helps a lot but I have to prod her.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Having no extended family now, but having a lot of difficult years of family holiday strife from in-laws behind me, I can not be of help but can share some food for thought.

First, what is so special about one specific day with immediate family. It isn't a holiday to everyone. Can you do it a week or two earlier or later? A day later? Make it an alternative event this year to break the cycle? Maybe take a day trip and eat somewhere else, do a day or two at a lake? Have a cookout? Take out bbq? Eat at another house?

If not, maybe just concentrate on the giving of the season, and kindness to strangers. Maybe dealing with unpleasant people is in a way more what the meal is about--the giving--than the simple pleasure. Maybe that meal to a not-so-lovable human is the real gift and the meaning of the season.

Thoughts only, neither solutions nor saying what anyone should do.

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

For us we do not expect visitors to help. If they want to, they do. Since the pandemic we cut down from around 50 to maybe 20, just close family. This year I have counted 31, some coming from the Caribbean as usual and the different States. It will be fun but I'm about to throw out the list.

Some will bring store brought desserts which I prefer and all sorts of drinks. Eight of us divide up the menu and always make sure there is enough for "take home".

It's a lot of fun and lasts through Sunday. People volunteer to help clean up and we accept.

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

@Nonametoday wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
@ECBG Why do you patiently and hopelessly wait for him to 'volunteer'? Put him to work. Tell him you need some help; announce that everyone needs to take his plate to the kitchen along with a serving dish. Ask him to carry desserts to the table, etc. Maybe next year he won't be so eager to eat at ECBG's house.
@Kachina624 @ECBG
I quite agree. I have a DIL I dearly love, but she likes to be attended. I tell her to get off her duff and let's get the dishes done. Dear son laughs about me doing it. He knows she does not want to help, that she is an indulged woman but I love her. She has a great personality and does not mind me telling her and then she helps a lot but I have to prod her.

@Nonametoday hope she doesn't drop the dishes on purpose lol.

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

If you really don't want this man at your house and you know he has at least one invite to go to his daughters, insist he can't come to your house. Let him know you have a lot of people coming and you have to work the next day.

Is there any other reason you don't want him (one more person) at your house this year?

I'd rather people get up from the table so I can clear it. My husband usually helps, but as I just said in another thread, I can't stand everyone converging to the kitchen with dirty plates and bowls of food and platters of meat, etc.

I want to clear the table myself and put the food away and load the dishwasher and just get everyone away from the table.

Usually people sit at the table for hours after the meal, but at least they're out of my way!