Divorcing a son in law

qvc chick · ‎03-10-2010

Feeling sad. I have always had a good relationship with my son in law of two years. My daughter and he have a two year old.

There has been much fighting and bickering lately - he drinks too much and my daughter does not want to continue in the marriage.

Today he got very angry at me - my daughter took her stuff out of the storage shed they shared - she just took her things - and he wanted info on where she is going, what she is doing, etc.

I told him my loyalties have to be with her....then he said he is cutting off contact with me and the rest of the family.

I said I would hope he wouldn't...that i cared about him like a son, and always would care.

He now has deleted me off his facebook. Cant help but feel sad

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

@qvc chick wrote:
Feeling sad. I have always had a good relationship with my son in law of two years. My daughter and he have a two year old.

There has been much fighting and bickering lately - he drinks too much and my daughter does not want to continue in the marriage.

Today he got very angry at me - my daughter took her stuff out of the storage shed they shared - she just took her things - and he wanted info on where she is going, what she is doing, etc.

I told him my loyalties have to be with her....then he said he is cutting off contact with me and the rest of the family.

I said I would hope he wouldn't...that i cared about him like a son, and always would care.

He now has deleted me off his facebook. Cant help but feel sad

Sounds like you did the right thing. He may calm down when things calm down. Since he is the father of your granddaughter he will always be in your life in some capacity, hopefully at least.

mimomof4 · ‎03-08-2018

Hugs to you for the difficult situation.

It sounds as if he needs help and was acting out of emotion. If drinking is a problem he needs to get help. Your daughter and grandchild are the most important priority for you.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

The whole situation is sad but as the adult child of two long dead alcholic parents, I am glad your DD got the heck out of there. I know this is a sad time for you but your DD is well out of that kind of life.

It's a nightmare of a life for a child who has a drunk for a parent. Trust me. I wish my mom had left when we were kids but she waited until I was 12. Pure hell.

I hope your DD sees a lawyer ASAP and gets all her ducks in a row as to finances, child support, custody, etc. I wish her all the best.

I

GloriBee · ‎03-24-2010

qvc chick so sorry about this situation. Even though you love him like a son, your loyalties must remain with your daughter and grandchild. Hopefully, when your son-in-law calms down he will realize this.

As others have said, he needs help with the alcohol issue, and maybe some anger management, as well. If he got his life together, maybe they could keep their family intact, but I don't blame your daugher. It sounds like a hard situation to live with and certainly not a healthy environment for their child.

Thinking of you and your family,

Gloria

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Obviously your SIL hasn't faced the reality that his behavior is likely the root of the marital issues; he will figure it out, but as long as he's angry, he won't be easy to deal with.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I've had to do this twice. My daughter married two nice guys, (not at the same time) good looking and caring. I got along well with both. With each one, my daughter ended the marriage for the same reason. Why? Because neither husband had any ambition. They went from job to job with no advancement. Husband # 2 was out of work more than he was employed. The result is that my daughter is putting my granddaughter through college by herself. When my daughter left husband #1, he called, asking me where she was. She had sworn me to secrecy. I told him I had promised not to tell. I felt awful. I even apologized to him years later. Somehow we get dragged into the mess.

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

@qvc chick You daughter is wise to end this relationship. It concerns me that the SIL is showing such anger (particularly when you were being so kind) and also has a history of drinking. Under the current stress load, this could escalate out of control.

I don't want to alarm, and may be totally off base, but I think you need to speak with your daughter about her safety, and that of their child. She may not be sharing that he has been threatening, or abusive, as part of her reason to escape the relationship.

Maybe he will be just fine and accept the inevitable separation when he cools off. If he remains angry, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise, he could impulsively do something irrational, or dangerous, particularly under influence of alcohol. Better safe than sorry.

GloriBee · ‎03-24-2010

@Vivian, you did the right thing and @qvc chick is doing the right thing, too, by supporting her daughter and grandchild. I hope she does not put herself in the middle of it because, though I obviously do not know her SIL, he could take the anger out on her.

GloriBee · ‎03-24-2010

@BlueFinch wrote:
@qvc chick You daughter is wise to end this relationship. It concerns me that the SIL is showing such anger (particularly when you were being so kind) and also has a history of drinking. Under the current stress load, this could escalate out of control.

I don't want to alarm, and may be totally off base, but I think you need to speak with your daughter about her safety, and that of their child. She may not be sharing that he has been threatening, or abusive, as part of her reason to escape the relationship.

Maybe he will be just fine and accept the inevitable separation when he cools off. If he remains angry, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise, he could impulsively do something irrational, or dangerous, particularly under influence of alcohol. Better safe than sorry.

@BlueFinch you said perfectly what I was thinking. I think we have seen in the media far too often how quickly things can escalate. I hope @qvc chick's daughter is taking care of her safety and that of her daughter.