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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opibnion


@ECBG wrote:

 

  who is going to say "Yes, I think I'll lie down?".

 


 I think I would. 


-- pro-aging --


Rochester, New York
Super Contributor
Posts: 368
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opibnion

I'm a little confused as to why you didn't step in and advocate for your dear friend if you knew she was physically and emotionally exhausted. She was obviously weary with grief and as her best friend you should have assisted her in what was an uncomfortable situation. I would have done no less for my best friend, nor would I expect less from her.

Respected Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-17-2015

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opibnion

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Under the circumstances, there is no better opportunity to get rid of unwanted company. Your friend had every reason not to worry about being a "bad host" and shouldn't have thought twice about excusing herself to say she needed to rest. You could have also suggested that on her behalf. There is no rudeness under these circumstances.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,665
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opibnion

@ECBG  I'm very sorry about your loss.  She sounds like she was a remarkable woman.

 

I guess the customs vary from one area to another, but where I live, when their is a death, it's customary to send food to the bereaved family, then attend visitation at the funeral home where you can extend your condolences to the family and friends.  Never would anyone go to visit the bereaved at their home.......what an imposition that would be, unless you were family, or had come to help with the final arrangements.  I must be missing something here.  At any rate, I agree that a good friend has every right to act as an advocate by stepping in and politely informing the other guests that it might be time for all to leave (before dinner, for heavens sake).

Laura loves cats!
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Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opibnion


@2blonde wrote:

@ECBG  I'm very sorry about your loss.  She sounds like she was a remarkable woman.

 

I guess the customs vary from one area to another, but where I live, when their is a death, it's customary to send food to the bereaved family, then attend visitation at the funeral home where you can extend your condolences to the family and friends.  Never would anyone go to visit the bereaved at their home.......what an imposition that would be, unless you were family, or had come to help with the final arrangements.  I must be missing something here.  At any rate, I agree that a good friend has every right to act as an advocate by stepping in and politely informing the other guests that it might be time for all to leave (before dinner, for heavens sake).


@2blonde,Thank you for your kind post.  She was quite a remarkable woman, and the county lowered all the flags to half mast yesterday in her honor.

 

Here, often the very closest friends will spend more time with the family.  I am  in that group.  The other couple she knew only through her actitities, they would, for example not be invited to a cookout.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,665
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opibnion

@ECBG  Yes, of course, I can see where you would have spent time there since you were like a daughter to her, I'm sure.  I'm just so perplexed at the rudeness of that other couple.  That would never have been done around here.  I was only 20 when my mother died unexpectedly, and I remember being in a similar situation........very distressing.

Laura loves cats!
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Posts: 6,813
Registered: ‎05-29-2015

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opinion

@ECBG

 

Yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they overstayed their welcome!  What is wrong with people?!?  My thoughts are with you today, Tig.

 

 

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~
Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opinion

[ Edited ]

I'm confused.  Your friend invited the couple to stay for a dinner that would be served after the service.  The couple began eating before the service?

 

I do have an elderly relative who makes the funeral rounds as often as possible, in hopes she will be fed after the funeral service.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opinion

 

@ECBG

 

This is neither my perception nor my opinion, it is my adult way of life, and has been for decades. I don't "do the dance", I cut right in, in no uncertain terms, with what I have to say. I have always believed and practiced that being direct is the best way to deal with most situations.

 

If you were me? This thread would not be here. Some like my way, and many do not. What I do know that this is what works for me. And in this era of time, when "giving hints" is less likely to get the desired results, even moreso.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)
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Registered: ‎11-21-2011

Re: Difference In Perception Your Opinion

Just a thought here. Maybe when they asked if she needed to rest they were actually hoping for their out. When she said no they may have felt stuck. Possibly didn't occur to them to just say "I'm sure you need rest" and get moving.

 

Some people just get awkward in these situations and it doesn't have to mean they are awful people or dumb.