DH's retirement

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

He retired 4 weeks ago and I am have having trouble adjusting. Any suggestions?

Coupla things: We are not joiners (no card clubs,etc)

Hate to travel

He is kinda germaphobic so we rarely eat out or go to the cinema

We have no neighbors-we do but they are miles away.

I keep trying to find things for him to do but so much has to wait till the bugs are gone so no wood cutting,etc. We live a very secluded, private lifebut I thought reitrment would be fun but I am not finding it that way.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@ncascade wrote:
He retired 4 weeks ago and I am have having trouble adjusting. Any suggestions?
Coupla things: We are not joiners (no card clubs,etc)
                          Hate to travel
                           He is kinda germaphobic so we rarely eat out or go to the cinema
                            We have no neighbors-we do but they are miles away.
I keep trying to find things for him to do but so much has to wait till the bugs are gone so no wood cutting,etc. We live a very secluded, private lifebut I thought reitrment would be fun but I am not finding it that way.

That sounds dreadful. No family, close friends? You need to move into a more suburban area if you can. Perhaps a retirement community. You don't have to participate, but at least there will be life around you. Good luck.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

@ncascade wrote:
He retired 4 weeks ago and I am have having trouble adjusting. Any suggestions?
Coupla things: We are not joiners (no card clubs,etc)
                          Hate to travel
                           He is kinda germaphobic so we rarely eat out or go to the cinema
                            We have no neighbors-we do but they are miles away.
I keep trying to find things for him to do but so much has to wait till the bugs are gone so no wood cutting,etc. We live a very secluded, private lifebut I thought reitrment would be fun but I am not finding it that way.

Does this man not have any hobbies or interests? Why is it up to you to "find things for him to do".

I retired at 52 and had more things to do than I had time. Even now, 24 years later I still have days where there aren't enough hours in a day to do everything I planned.

Now I was never one that "lived to work", I was one that "worked to live", and in my opinion, that is the BIG difference maker come retirement time.

Worked with many that sound like your husband. Many of them retired the same time as I, and many of them had little or nothing to do. Some got part time jobs, not for money but to pass the time. Many of them lived only a few years after they retired and they were about my same age.

It's up to the retiree to find things to do, not up to his mate.

hckynut(john)

HB glamma · ‎08-23-2011

We are retired for 2 yrs and still adjusting! It has been a big change being together 24/7! Whereas previously when we worked, we only had a few hours a day to see each other and talk, now it's all day every day and at times we drive each other bonkers! How about books? My DH did start to read finally (only non-fiction, like biographies, but a start). We make a day out of going to the library and having lunch, about once a week.

How about walks?

We are watching old TV shows, like Mad Men, Breaking Bad, West Wing via Netflix streaming. Things we never did when working or they were on cable networks we didn't get. We enjoy playing board games together (simple ones) once in a while, we enjoy a nap in the afternoon.

We also do not have family nearby. Give yourself some time to adjust~this is a major lifestyle change and it does take time. I have found that men have a very hard time adjusting to not working.

Best of Luck to you

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

He has many hobbies. Some are weather dependent. He builds cars,etc. We have no desire to move. We live in the middle of the woods and love our privacy.

Let me be a little more positive. Things we like to do:

Read

Watch movies (at home)

Play w/our 7 pets

I like to go for wlks in our woods but I highly allergeic to bugs so we wait for fall to do that.

The kids live an hour away and we do see them in fact we are going to grandsons Eagle Scout thingie next week.

Both my parent are gone and my MIl lives in a nursing home and is ok but not super.

I am an only child and was not born here and most of the extended family is gone. My best friend lives 300 miles away and we do e-mail.

He has lots to do. I think the real problem is me. Thank you to all for your replies.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

Someone said (I think it was Bombeck) that she married him for better or worse but not for lunch.

Chrystaltree2 · ‎12-08-2014

....sounds like you need to go out and find a job for yourself...lol I'm not really joking. Maybe not a paying job but something that gets you out of the house and away from your husband for a couple of days a week. You have such a small, secluded life that being bound to each other 24/7 will not be healthy for either of you. You are going to need some time apart, some breathing room. Your story reminds me of a woman I work with, she's in her late 70's now and she works 3 six hour days. She's sharp as a tack, full of energy, enthusiastic when it comes to learning new things and she gets more done in her 18 hours that most people do in 40 hours. She says she has no plans to retire any time soon because she truly loves her husband, they've been married for over 50 years but she's a realist. She knows that being with him 24/7 would quickly become a horror show for both of them. She says he's too clingy when it's just the two of them. They also aren't into hobbies or volunteer work or travel. They enjoy their home and their grandchildren and great grandchildren and each other. Just not too much of each other...... Your husband deserves his retirement, I don't think it's fair of you to think up things for him to do. He should be able to do that hisself. You should be thinking of things to do yourself.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

My health problems preclude any jobs.

Perkup · ‎03-09-2010

I've been through this twice - it's no picnic. First husband sat around for weeks after retiring. Then decided he needed to revamp every inch of our life, including the yard, the attic, the house, me. He was miserable. He had traveled most of his life, and he loved to hit the plane on Monday and return on Saturday morning. This was a devastating change. Sadly he had a heart attack, surgery and a major stroke shortly after retiring. It never worked for him and I don't remember a day he would have ever called good after his retirement. He passed away a short time after the final stroke.

Some time later I remarried a man who had retired years before, and loved every moment of his retirement. He has hobbies, investment interests, he reads, loves his computer, talks with friends. Totally different personality. And he lets me be me.

My point - it's all about the person they are and how they see themselves. If their work was their life, they will struggle with retirement. If they are self-contained and have ongoing interests they will prosper and become a joy to live with 24/7. You can't change human nature and you can't make a happy retiree out of a "working man".

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@ncascade wrote:
He has many hobbies. Some are weather dependent. He builds cars,etc. We have no desire to move. We live in the middle of the woods and love our privacy.
Let me be a little more positive. Things we like to do:
Read
Watch movies (at home)
Play w/our 7 pets
I like to go for wlks in our woods but I highly allergeic to bugs so we wait for fall to do that.
The kids live an hour away and we do see them in fact we are going to grandsons Eagle Scout thingie next week.
Both my parent are gone and my MIl lives in a nursing home and is ok but not super.
I am an only child and was not born here and most of the extended family is gone. My best friend lives 300 miles away and we do e-mail.
He has lots to do. I think the real problem is me. Thank you to all for your replies.

Do you have your own room? You need a room of your own where you can go be by yourself and watch tv, read, nap, just be alone for some time most days. It should be comfy with a nice chair, small tv, and good light to read! A bed would be nice, maybe the guest room repurposed? A lap top computer so you can come visit with US without interruption!

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