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Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,404
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

[ Edited ]

 


@Hippiified wrote:

@mintedrose PTSD can also cause these type moods. Not saying that’s what it is, but I agree with others that a checkup would be in order.  Easier said than done to convince him of that, though.  I also think he is working way too much. He will most likely mellow as he ages, but meanwhile, you don’t need this causing upset in your marriage.  Try communicating when he is calm.  Tell him how it affects you.  Hang in there.


 

 

 

 

@Hippiified 

 

How did PTSD enter this thread?  Tell me the post number will you, I would like to read it. Thanks!

 

ETA  Every man, in fact a good percentage of the thousands I have met, do not mellow out with age. Sure, it's true for many, but there character and habits in their younger years play a big role.

 

 

 

hckynut

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,366
Registered: ‎03-21-2017

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

@hckynut 

 

My post was offering my opinion, plain and simple.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 164
Registered: ‎03-30-2014

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes


@Q-Anu wrote:

@mintedrose - if your husband is introverted by nature (always has been), he'll need to recharge his batteries from the stresses of his work with quiet, downtime at home. Possibly even alone some of time. You could plan, quiet, romantic dinners and such right at home. It's not so important where you bond and rekindle your relationship as that the time is made to do so. 

 

Of course, if you're more extroverted, you will feel stress by not being out and about with other people. Neither of you will change the other's predisposition. You can try to compromise if you're able to honestly communicate your feelings in a calm way and reach an agreement. Plan one or two special activities out together per month, and don’t pressure him about it otherwise. You can meet friends and enjoy activities with them. Join a gym, take a class, etc. 

 

Rather he realizes it, or not.... he seems to be punishing you out of resentment or something. I'd feel inclined to ask him why that is. If he honestly doesn’t know, couples counseling could help him determine why. 

 

If he's not an introvert by nature, there is something else going on that he's trying to conceal. Be it anxiety, depression or some other medical issue that he could be in denial of. 

 

My husband and I are both in our 40s, both work full time in high pressure careers. We still have two children at home, so most of our time out is enjoyed by pursuing their interests - or supporting them in broadening those interests. When hubby and I get the opportunity to enjoy an evening or weekend away as a couple... we're still both overjoyed to make the most of it. Most evenings, through the work week, though, we're both perfectly content to chill at home. We do both still enjoy vacations with family and friends, but don't feel them necessary for the survival of our marriage. They are more a bonus when they can happen. I guess we're compatible being somewhere between the extrovert - introvert spectrum. Many couples aren’t as compatible in that way. I'm sure it can be quite challenging. Would he resent you for pursuing activities without him? That could mean real problems. 

 

Best wishes to you! 


 

 

 

Good post @Q-Anu.

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,522
Registered: ‎09-29-2013

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

Thank you, @marlielou. ❤️ You're kind to say so. 

 

I hope and pray the situation is improving for @mintedrose and her husband. 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 517
Registered: ‎08-28-2018

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

mintedrose:

 

You're very lucky DH drives you nuts sometimes, because many husbands drive their wives nuts all the timeSmiley Happy.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 623
Registered: ‎03-04-2017

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

[ Edited ]

@GiantsLover  Your post made me laugh so hard!! Yes, it is true and i am very lucky. Thank you for the smiles. Smiley Happy Heart

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop
Valued Contributor
Posts: 517
Registered: ‎08-28-2018

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

Your post made me smile too mintedrose, and you are very welcome. Smiley Happy

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,734
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes


@mintedrose wrote:

He is a nice person so dont get me wrong but Hes driving me nuts! He's a home body and I like to go out. I love nature, he'd rather sit and watch tv. The only time he's excited to go anywhere is to visit His family and even though its very stressful for me i still go for his sake.  

 

Now, Everytime we go on a vacation or even out to dinner, he becomes soo fussy. He complains about every little thing and wont let go and then eventually, it puts me in a bad mood too.  Either its the traffic, or no parking or a long wait at a restaurant or the food didnt get served properly or he spilled something on his shirt, he'll find something to get upset about and he'll always think the worse of things. Its always ends up ruining both of our nights and it makes me really sad. its like going on a vacation or just to relax is bothersome to him. In the past ive been patient and tried to calm him down or help him think positve but now Ive just lost patience with him because it feels like im traveling with a child. I wanna be able to go out together and have a good time but he's just annoying. 

 

Ive talked to him about it and he realizes it and apologizes but then he does it again and again as if he totally forgot. I dont get it. We've had many ruined vacations because of his behavior. I dont wanna be his mother constantly trying to calm him down but i dont know what to do. Im to my wits end and just told him i wont go anywhere with him anymore! ;( 


@mintedrose   My suggestion is to let him read what you wrote here.  It says how you feel, and shows how miserable you are with things the way they are. If he reads this and does not try to change his behavior  for your happiness, then it probably is never going to get better.

 

You will have to decide at that point to either continue to put up with his bad behavior and live in misery, or leave the situation.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,055
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

My idea is there are several 'things' going on.

 

I've always told my girls that if something someone is doing bothers you, you should tell them....talk it out.

 

Then if (after talking about it) something isn't done to change the situation they don't care....because now they do know....don't they?

 

However, I will also say that sometimes a pattern has been set and it's difficult to change.

 

I just re-read the OP's post and it almost sounds like this is his way of control.  Maybe he feels like he doesn't have much control in his life (or maybe just at work) and this is his way of 'flexing his muscles'....so to speak).

 

Actually, my friend always complains about her friend they eat together every weekend.  It's always at a restaurant.

 

This friend of her's complains about everything and anything.  She told me often the manager will come over and either comp (not charge) for the food or give a free desert, etc.

 

It bothers my friend too.  So, I kind of understand what you are saying.

 

How about if you let him pick the place?  Maybe you've already done that.

 

If I were you, I'd tell him you weren't going to eat out with him anymore unless he stops complaining about EVERYTHING. 

 

My friend and I eat out at the same (maybe 5 or 6 places) every week.  We eat lunch out at least 4 or 5 times a week together.

 

Lately, there have been a few times when the food hasn't been very good.  I get the same thing at each restaurant.  I complained.  Everyone agreed it wasn't right.  The manager never came over.....it wasn't a pleasant meal.

 

Then a few days later my niece came from out of town.  She really wanted to eat at this place ( Red Robin).  I said, "Well....OK".  Same restaurant, same place, different waiter and the weekend.

 

Here's my problem.  I always get the crispy chicken sandwich and it's perfect.  That time it was nothing but the crispy part, it was terrible.

 

When I went to order with my niece the waitress said, "Oh!  Yes!  I heard about that".  Hummm??? 

 

I said to her, "You know me and I order the same thing always and never have a problem".  She agreed.

 

Then she suggested I get the grilled chicken sandwich.  I did order the grilled sandwich and it was good.

 

I was told they hired a new cook and that might be the problem.  

 

They're not going to fire the cook just for me, so I changed the sandwich and it fixed the problem and was healthier too.

 

Often a nice restaurant will let the customer tweak the meal a little (I say for instance, "Blackend Tilapia, lightly blackened with no butter or grease on the plate".  They deliver the meal exactly like I want it.

 

My point?  Perhaps if he feels he can make a small suggestion (similar to mine) he might enjoy the meal better.

 

Eating out is way too expensive to not enjoy the meal.  Add together the fact that it bothers you when he constantly complains.

 

Maybe you can try some of my suggestions (and those of other's here).  It might make your dining experience a little better.

 

Please come back and let us know how it's going.  People come on here and ask for suggestions and we never hear back if they're doing better.

 

As I've said before, there are some very intelligent (mostly women) here.  They give excellent ideas and suggestions.

 

I also think it say a lot about the people who ask for help.  It's not always easy to ask for (and to take) suggestions.  I applaud those who do both.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,747
Registered: ‎11-21-2011

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes


@SeaMaiden wrote:

@mintedrose wrote:

He is a nice person so dont get me wrong but Hes driving me nuts! He's a home body and I like to go out. I love nature, he'd rather sit and watch tv. The only time he's excited to go anywhere is to visit His family and even though its very stressful for me i still go for his sake.  

 

Now, Everytime we go on a vacation or even out to dinner, he becomes soo fussy. He complains about every little thing and wont let go and then eventually, it puts me in a bad mood too.  Either its the traffic, or no parking or a long wait at a restaurant or the food didnt get served properly or he spilled something on his shirt, he'll find something to get upset about and he'll always think the worse of things. Its always ends up ruining both of our nights and it makes me really sad. its like going on a vacation or just to relax is bothersome to him. In the past ive been patient and tried to calm him down or help him think positve but now Ive just lost patience with him because it feels like im traveling with a child. I wanna be able to go out together and have a good time but he's just annoying. 

 

Ive talked to him about it and he realizes it and apologizes but then he does it again and again as if he totally forgot. I dont get it. We've had many ruined vacations because of his behavior. I dont wanna be his mother constantly trying to calm him down but i dont know what to do. Im to my wits end and just told him i wont go anywhere with him anymore! ;( 


@mintedrose   My suggestion is to let him read what you wrote here.  It says how you feel, and shows how miserable you are with things the way they are. If he reads this and does not try to change his behavior  for your happiness, then it probably is never going to get better.

 

You will have to decide at that point to either continue to put up with his bad behavior and live in misery, or leave the situation.


Of course it's possible that she needs to change too. He probably doesn't want to go on these vacations and she just makes the plans anyway and he's annoyed that it keeps happening.