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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,332
Registered: ‎05-15-2014

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

Unless there is a medical reason and I wish you the best if thats' it.......however, I think you should start vacationing and hanging out with friends.  My best friend and I have both been married to our spouses for over 30 years.  My hubby is great but hers is miserable and always has been.   We have vacationed over the years together and hang out often but he can be such a downer Smiley Sad    Now she goes away with us without him and her and I go out by ourselves.......Luckily my husband is easy going and just rolls with it!!   Life is too short not to enjoy because others are miserable.  Sorry, JMO

Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,332
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

@mintedrose   When you go out or travel could you choose places that are less busy, less stress for him?  And when you get there would you be willing to go do things alone and would he be happy at the hotel or inn by himself enjoying the quiet?

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

Some good ideas have been offered.  If it were me I would make sure your husband gets a thorough check at the doctor (when you make the appointment express your concerns, noting you know that due to HIPPA, things are confidential...but you wanted the doctor to know what you see is going on with him).

 

I would also do things a few times a month with my sisters and/or friends, and leave him at home for those outings.  I think it’s the right thing for you to go with him to visit his family occasionally.....but if it’s regular visits that happen often...and they cause you stress....bow out of some.  

 

If health issues aren’t causing the problem, you might want to talk things over with a counselor..,,it would be great if he would go, too....but even if you go alone, you could learn some coping strategies.

 

Thinking good thoughts for you.

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,528
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

So many good thoughts and suggestions. We're on a short vacation as I write this and I find packing and traveling more stressful than DH does. We share doing the things we both like and I happily go back to our room when I get tired of the circus around me. Perhaps your husband could use a small dose of anti anxiety medication.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,974
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

@mintedrose   DH and I will be married 50 yrs. in August (OMG!). Some personality traits you see while dating and early marriage can easily be tolerated and over the years they can get worse not better. When DH gets on my last nerve, I either ignore it or find something else to do on my own without him.

 

The most important part of a happy long marriage is to each have your own interests and independent friends/hobbies, etc. Sometimes when he gets difficult, I just go to the movies or take a long walk. Unfortunately, no matter how many times you point out the issues, most men resist change...mainly because they aren’t listening to what we’re saying. 🤪

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,810
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

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             There's an abundance of excellent advice, insight, and support on this thread.   That's one of the things that keeps me returning to the forums...  the way posters step up to listen, open their hearts and share their experience and expertise, and help when they can.

              @mintedrose ,  You don't say if you've seen gradual changes in your husband or if there was a sudden shift.    I remember you poignantly and so heartbreakingly shared in an older thread that you lost a child not long ago.   I wonder if the painful, shattering grief might play a role in your husband's attitude and actions.    This kind of loss is devastating, it changes us forever, and it creates ripples and effects in ways we might not always expect or understand.    I've had similar losses and grief -- knowing I am, without exaggeration, still alive today because of the combination of my faith and also the compassion and support of gifted counselors and therapists (not always easy to find, but worth the effort) and support groups, I wanted to offer my profound condolences to you both and also to offer you my own compassion and support.   (((gentle hugs)))❤️

 

⭐️Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. Howard W. Newton⭐️
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,573
Registered: ‎05-08-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

@SuperShopper   Thank you so much, @SuperShopper, for taking the time to give us all the benefit of your thoughtful and caring post.  Everything you say has been true in my own experience.  A medical check-up can be critical in such changing circumstances, and it can prevent or at least alleviate a lot of problems down the road, both for the person undergoing the changes and the person(s) who love and care for him/her.  You have helped a lot folks today.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

Go alone or take someone else with you.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,529
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

As an introvert I don’t like crowds, noise or chaos.  My husband loves going out, attending concerts, which I find too loud, too crowded, etc.  I would go with him to be supportive; however,  I remember one of them being so loud that I had tears streaming down my face and was beyond miserable.  My husband began going with friends instead of me and we were both much happier.  I love the peace and quiet of nature, so I go there by myself or with friends.  My husband and I have different needs and sensitivities.  Perhaps the best thing you could do is to go out on your own or with friends.  That has worked well for us. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,714
Registered: ‎10-03-2014

Re: DH drives me nuts sometimes

[ Edited ]

Has he always been a homebody?  If not, how long has this been going on?

 

If he's not interested in anything besides TV, I'd look at depression.  If he's getting up in age it becomes more common.  Forgetfulness, not paying attention to your concerns can be symptoms. 

 

As far as wanting to visit his family, he might feel comforted being around them if he is depressed.  

 

Also, find out if he's feeling OK.  My experience with men is they often don't complain about their aches and pains.

 

It's unusual that all he wants to do is watch TV.  It's not a healthy lifestyle.  Maybe, a visit to the doctor is in order.