Consistent Negative Comments ~ Do They Bother You? - Page 9

lulu1 · ‎03-29-2011

I try to avoid them both here and in real life.

ccassaday · ‎10-21-2010

My mom has to watch herself. She complains a lot but never wants to solve the issue. She will complain I will be like do this and she gets mad. For instance she has a hard time sleeping with the dog in the bed. She complains all the time. I go well go get a crate and see if she will sleep in it. She won’t sleep on her dog beds. She goes she never been in a crate I am not starting now. So then she keeps complaining.

I Love my mom but sometimes it’s hard to be around.

As as far as posters on here I don’t get the negativity. It’s ridiculous.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

I think as humans all of us have negative and positive moments. We are all different people with varied personalities.

i view this as a good thing. We all bring something to the table. People who are always positive and those that are always negative cause me to pause and wonder “what is wrong with them?”

Sometimes when I or someone else offers an opposing view, others posters jump in right in with accuactions of us starting arguments. I don’t get it. We can’t all think alike.

Having a different opinion is not arguing! Discussions in a civil manner are educational. We can learn from each other if we hear them out.

The only negative comments that bother me is when posters start threads to complain about the style, looks and errors or perceived errors of the hosts or vendors. To me, it is rude and wrong to do this. Others don’t agree, but the mods do because the threads are taken down, but that doesn’t make it stop.

This seems to be a big thing with women. I don’t see men doing this. I find it sad and heartbreaking, but that is just me.

It doesn’t bother me when someone says “ those shoes are ugly and for old ladies” If I like the shoes, then they are not ugly to me. I don’t get hurt feelings over this. No ones opinion really matter but mine when it comes to what I wear. I don’t understand why this statement hurts feelings...I am not wired that way. It’s just a pair of shoes.

I am not super emotional, sensitive or tender hearted. That is just not me. In fact, no one in my immediate family is either. We were raised to be tough and handle ourselves.

i hope and pray that I have never hurt anyone’s feelings on the forums. It has never been my intention to do so. I am sorry if I have.

So to answer the OP’s question, negative comments don’t really bother me and in real life, sometimes the glass is half full and sometimes it is half empty.

When someone asked my Italian father how he was doing...he would always say Mezza-Mezza. That is normal for me too.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@ccassaday wrote:
My mom has to watch herself. She complains a lot but never wants to solve the issue. She will complain I will be like do this and she gets mad. For instance she has a hard time sleeping with the dog in the bed. She complains all the time. I go well go get a crate and see if she will sleep in it. She won’t sleep on her dog beds. She goes she never been in a crate I am not starting now. So then she keeps complaining.

I Love my mom but sometimes it’s hard to be around.

As as far as posters on here I don’t get the negativity. It’s ridiculous.

Your mother doesn't want suggestions or solutions, she wants understanding and a bit of sympathy. You might say something like, the dogs loves to be near you so it seems you're going to have to put up with him or, it could be worse, he could have brought a friend.

puttypiesmom · ‎10-11-2017

There is one person I really feel sorry for because she has pretty serious medical issues. Her posts are mostly negative and argumentative and frequently bring down a thread. I don't want to openly criticize her for fear that I'll get a beat down especially if she suddenly passes. She has a large fan base despite being not nice most of the time, so it goes around here. Some mods have cloudy vision too when it comes to her.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Just a few thoughts.

Don't read too much into a post. The OP/reader has to remember to leave their own bias and emotion out of it when reading responses. It's not always easy but we have to work on it. An OP tried to read between the lines and ripped on me the other day because she thought I was rude. I didn't intend to be rude. I just had a different view than the OP.

Offering another viewpoint or a differing opinion doesn't equal being rude or mean. A lot of posters want only feedback that fits their narrative and if you say anything else, they think you're being rude.

Expect responses/feedback. A lot of people post looking for support and don't really want feedback. Others like to look at things from many perspectives and try to offer that kind of input.

Directness. People write different ways. Some beat around the bush. Some want to please others no matter what. Some are very direct (ie: me). None of these mean they are being rude or intend to be rude. It's just different writing/communication styles.

A few are always rude. And yes, there are a couple of posters who always respond like middle school mean girls. It's just the way they are. I usually ignore them though I did slip and respond to one this this week. I should have remembered my own advice and ignored her like I usually do.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I haven't read all the replies, but will offer up my take on things.

Positive and negative are in the eye of the beholder.

Some people think themselves to be positive, when in fact, they simply don't live in reality, and any point of view expressed that is real world, they deem to be negative (not saying you fit that descriptions @Regal Bee!). They refuse to acknowledge that the world is anything but rainbows and unicorns. If someone is just being realistic, they see it as negative.

Then you have people who are not only negative, but mean as well. Virtually everything they post comes across as hateful. It is frustrating and I find myself wanting to lash back.

What I have learned after years on these boards, is that we don't really know people here. We might think we do. We might think they have shared so much, we really do know them. Then they post something about their life or their past that simply hits me in the gut like a strong punch. They are coming from a very hard, bad, painful, or different place than I have ever been or can imagine.

IT is then that I try to at least acknowledge that maybe walking a mile in their shoes would enlighten me as to just why and how they come across as they do.

It doesn't make it any more pleasant to deal with them, it doesn't always stop me from refuting their comments, but I think twice about just how I do it, and I remember that they and others are seeing me through their eyes and their experiences, and I may not seem very nice or positive to them as well.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@AussieLuvr wrote:
@Regal Bee

I agree with you and your friend, and here is why.

I think that the Internet and social media have created a huge disconnect, as well as creating a social safety margin.

By disconnect, I mean that people don't even have to - or bother - to get together in real life anymore. The behaviors that go with social grace (knowing what is appropriate and what is not) are not exactly going away but they are diminishing. I was having a conversation with my husband the other day about how nobody just spontaneously stops by to visit anymore. When we were both kids, it wasn't unusual for the doorbell to ring and it was friends, neighbors, or family just stopping by. So many people connect through a computer or tablet screen, now.

By safety margin, I mean that people have grown emboldened by not having to have face-to-face reactions to things they say or do. Thus they don't have to answer for themselves and end up saying and doing things that most of us only think - without verbalizing it - in personal, face to face encounters.

When my mom was alive she said that the clothes dryer was the downfall of neighborhood friendships and relationships. She lamented that when everyone had a clothes hanger in their backyard, women would visit and gossip over the fence and friendships were forged, resulting in neighborhood picnics, get-togethers and visits. When everyone got clothes dryers in the early 60's, all of that went away and nobody saw their neighbors socially anymore.

In a way, connecting via the internet and social media is like the disappearance of clothes dryers and the fraying of a social fabric that occurred as a result.

In its most extreme form, I truly believe that this social disconnect and not having to face the ramifications of bad or antisocial behaviors is why bullying is so rampant, and kids are shooting up schools. By no means do I think this is the only reason these things are happening but I DO think they are strong contributing factors.

I read a brilliant comment at the end of an article the other day. I was reading something about Meghan Markle and people were ripping her to shreds in the comments. One commenter suggested that everyone post a picture of themselves with a short bio and then sit back while everyone else critiqued their appearance and told them how to live their lives and what all they were doing wrong. I think if each of us "had" to do that online that we might be a little gentler and more sympathetic!

Just my two cents. I'm sure there are people who would not agree with me, and that is A-OK; its what makes the world go around.

@AussieLuvr

Profound words! And I agree 100%

GingerPeach · ‎03-12-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
@ccassaday wrote:
My mom has to watch herself. She complains a lot but never wants to solve the issue. She will complain I will be like do this and she gets mad. For instance she has a hard time sleeping with the dog in the bed. She complains all the time. I go well go get a crate and see if she will sleep in it. She won’t sleep on her dog beds. She goes she never been in a crate I am not starting now. So then she keeps complaining.

I Love my mom but sometimes it’s hard to be around.

As as far as posters on here I don’t get the negativity. It’s ridiculous.
Your mother doesn't want suggestions or solutions, she wants understanding and a bit of sympathy. You might say something like, the dogs loves to be near you so it seems you're going to have to put up with him or, it could be worse, he could have brought a friend.

Well said, @occasionalrain

It's a skill to listen to what is actually being said "underneath" the words. Not all of us know how to do that. You just did it beautifully!

I wish I'd had you as a friend when I was fighting with my own mother.

[was Homegirl] Love to be home . . . thus the screen name. Joined 2003.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@GingerPeach Thank you, that was so nice of you.

It's not just mothers, it's friends, and, more importantly, your child. Most don't want advice unless they ask what they should do. Most just want to share and feel you understand and are on their side.