Among Friends

[x Hedge]

To me, it all depends on how that negativity is expressed.

There is a buyer for every item.

It's great to say you don't care for the flavor, style, or the color, or its not in your budget, or there's another you happen to like better.

But when something doesn't appeal to you, it's not great to suggest (or imply) there's something wrong with either the seller or the buyer, unless you'd actually planned to insult either group when you crafted your post.

[TaylorBrown]

I cannot agree that it is jealousy related.  I do agree that there are negative people in the world.  It truly takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. 

[AussieLuvr]

@Regal Bee

I agree with you and your friend, and here is why.

I think that the Internet and social media have created a huge disconnect, as well as creating a social safety margin. 

By disconnect, I mean that people don't even have to - or bother - to get together in real life anymore. The behaviors that go with social grace (knowing what is appropriate and what is not) are not exactly going away but they are diminishing. I was having a conversation with my husband the other day about how nobody just spontaneously stops by to visit anymore. When we were both kids, it wasn't unusual for the doorbell to ring and it was friends, neighbors, or family just stopping by. So many people connect through a computer or tablet screen, now.

By safety margin, I mean that people have grown emboldened by not having to have face-to-face reactions to things they say or do. Thus they don't have to answer for themselves and end up saying and doing things that most of us only think - without verbalizing it - in personal, face to face encounters.

When my mom was alive she said that the clothes dryer was the downfall of neighborhood friendships and relationships. She lamented that when everyone had a clothes hanger in their backyard, women would visit and gossip over the fence and friendships were forged, resulting in neighborhood picnics, get-togethers and visits. When everyone got clothes dryers in the early 60's, all of that went away and nobody saw their neighbors socially anymore.

In a way, connecting via the internet and social media is like the disappearance of clothes dryers and the fraying of a social fabric that occurred as a result.

In its most extreme form, I truly believe that this social disconnect and not having to face the ramifications of bad or antisocial behaviors is why bullying is so rampant, and kids are shooting up schools. By no means do I think this is the only reason these things are happening but I DO think they are strong contributing factors.

I read a brilliant comment at the end of an article the other day. I was reading something about Meghan Markle and people were ripping her to shreds in the comments. One commenter suggested that everyone post a picture of themselves with a short bio and then sit back while everyone else critiqued their appearance and told them how to live their lives and what all they were doing wrong. I think if each of us "had" to do that online that we might be a little gentler and more sympathetic!

Just my two cents. I'm sure there are people who would not agree with me, and that is A-OK; its what makes the world go around.  

[QVCkitty1]

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@x Hedge wrote:

To me, it all depends on how that negativity is expressed.

There is a buyer for every item.

It's great to say you don't care for the flavor, style, or the color, or its not in your budget, or there's another you happen to like better.

But when something doesn't appeal to you, it's not great to suggest (or imply) there's something wrong with either the seller or the buyer, unless you'd actually planned to insult either group when you crafted your post.

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But then the buyer turns around and suggests that a person is negative, jealous bitter sad etc. just because they didn't care for how the criticism was expressed.

[blackhole99]

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@Regal Bee wrote:

I consider myself a positive person....on the whole. I tend to look at the glass as half-full as opposed to half-empty.

I have noticed that some commenters are constantly negative. They seem to NEVER have anything positive to say. I must admit I have trouble with this as I see no point to it.

I mentioned this to my very wise friend and she reminded me that the world is filled with negative people and much of it is jealousy-related. Do you agree?

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No, I don't agree. We are are responsible for our own happiness and state of mind. You are entitled to feel the way you do and associate with all the positive thinking people you choose. I think it's wrong to peg people who don't view things the way you and your wise friend do, as jealous. If you have a problem with that, that's on you, don't forget this is a forum.

[chrystaltree]

Well, I don't know "most of the world" so I don't know what their motivations are.  I know that seeing something is negative vs positive is subjective.  One person might view a comment as negative and the other might view the same comment as positive.  I think most of the time people consider something to be negative when they don't agree with it.  Or...when something hits too close to home and they'd rather not face it.  

[RedTop]

No, I am not bothered by consistent negative comments.  

[Susan in California]

What I have noticed about these forums:

There are several people I wish lived next door, and we could have

get togethers!

And then there are others I know I would never, ever want to know personally.

[Mom2Dogs]

The comments don't bother me.....I take what I want from the comments and move on.

I have been trying lately to be less negative in my personal life...not that i am negative by nature but trying to see the other side of people...

At sunday school we have been discussing GRACE and that we should offer grace as is was given to us, so I am doing my best to put that into practice....we all have different life experiences and as I get older I am trying to embrace this 'attitude'.

[Rowan72]

For whatever reason(s) or motives, everywhere online - as well as in real life - we have many who seem to enjoy raining on others' parades. Antagonists who can’t seem to allow others to enjoy themselves, even on a topic of absolutely no interest to them on a message board. Out comes the ridiculous snark in attempts to derail the thread. 

I don't think of them as participants in a discussion, but more like internet trolls that are best ignored. They aren’t all as obvious at first in their methods, like sealioning: 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_lioning

... in which they try to wear others down, or similar more passive-aggressive attempts to insult posters. 

Once I catch on to them, they no longer bother me. These are not individuals who I respect, so it matters not to me what they have to say. I skip their posts and never engage them. 

Those sincere members who just seem to have a very negative outlook on life, I tend to pity. They may be suffering with depression and I leave them be, unless they ask for support or advice. Not all people are optimistic anyway, and pessimists have as much right to express themselves politely. They certainly don’t annoy me like the deliberate trouble-makers do, until I learn their most recent nics. They have usually been banned numerous times.