Communication with adult son - Page 3

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@nelliegirl wrote:
My smart, failthful, kind hearted, successful son's wife left him 4 years ago after 4 years of marriage. It devastated him. She was looking for unlimited funds to spend and a glitzy, glamorous social life. She left him with a 20 month old baby girl who is now 5 and I help him raise. I have figured out by some subtle clues that he is (finally) seeing someone. I want him to love again but what bothers me is that he hasn't brought her around or told us anything about her! I have given him ample opportunity to let us in on the "secret" but to no avail. He's been seeing her since last summer...almost a year! First of all, why do you think he won't introduce her to us or at least tell us about her? And secondly, should I confront him with my knowledge or not? I know for a fact that they are in a serious relationship. We have always been close, but he is very private and a very independent person.

@nelliegirl Your words “adult son” says it all.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I can think of 1 million and 1 reasons. Leave it alone, he's a grown man and he doesn't need you interferring and putting pressure on a new relationship. You have no idea at all what the dynamics of that relationship are. You don't if it's serious or just hooking up. When he has something to tell you.....he'll tell you.

BirkiLady · ‎02-22-2015

@nelliegirl wrote:
My smart, failthful, kind hearted, successful son's wife left him 4 years ago after 4 years of marriage. It devastated him. She was looking for unlimited funds to spend and a glitzy, glamorous social life. She left him with a 20 month old baby girl who is now 5 and I help him raise. I have figured out by some subtle clues that he is (finally) seeing someone. I want him to love again but what bothers me is that he hasn't brought her around or told us anything about her! I have given him ample opportunity to let us in on the "secret" but to no avail. He's been seeing her since last summer...almost a year! First of all, why do you think he won't introduce her to us or at least tell us about her? And secondly, should I confront him with my knowledge or not? I know for a fact that they are in a serious relationship. We have always been close, but he is very private and a very independent person.

@nelliegirl Four years isn't a very long time to fully recover from the devestation of the end of his first marriage. He may still be hurting. Give him space; he's finally taking the steps of enjoying life again. Whether or not this is a relationship is anyone's guess. Certainly, no one's business. He may have had other friends with benefits. When the time is right, he will introduce his daughter to someone; then you will also meet the female if it is, indeed, a long-term relationship. People don't jump from one marriage into another unless they are desperately seeking companionship. He sounds like he is stable and thinking of his daughter first. Wise man. Be very proud of your son. In the meantime, MYOB.

Money screams; wealth whispers.

Regal Bee · ‎07-20-2017

@nelliegirl Wait for him to come to you.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

I think you've already answered your own question....he's a "private" person and he's "independent". I agree with others here - let it go - he'll talk to you when he's ready. Maybe he just wants to enjoy the relationship with this woman and not have to answer questions from his mother!

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

When my son was younger he confided in me and would tell me when he was seeing someone. At 34, he doesn't tell me anything about anything. Sons may feel you do not have faith in them to successfully make their own decisions if you question them. Also, I know from experience my son does not like it when I offer him financial assistance, I offered to float him the money to buy a car and he was insulted.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I wouldn't say anything. If and when he wants you to know, he will say something.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

Stay back for a while and don't pry. He will tell you about her and will want you to meet her when HE IS READY TO. He's taking his time in this relationship and I think that's smart.

FuzzyFace · ‎03-15-2010

It's none of your business. Back off. Doing oherwise will really give him a reason to not want to communicate with you.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

That the OP is helping him with his daughter makes it her business.

He can't have it both ways and is thoughtless in not sharing his dicisions with her. He doesn't need to give details but he does need to tell her who and what this woman is and whether it's a serious relationship. He owes her that.