Among Friends

[nelliegirl]

My smart, failthful, kind hearted, successful son's wife left him 4 years ago after 4 years of marriage.  It devastated him.  She was looking for unlimited funds to spend and a glitzy, glamorous social life.  She left him with a 20 month old baby girl who is now 5 and I help him raise.  I have figured out by some subtle clues that he is (finally) seeing someone.  I want him to love again but what bothers me is that he hasn't brought her around or told us anything about her!  I have given him ample opportunity to let us in on the "secret" but to no avail.  He's been seeing her since last summer...almost a year!  First of all, why do you think he won't introduce her to us or at least tell us about her?  And secondly, should I confront him with my knowledge or not?  I know for a fact that they are in a serious relationship.  We have always been close, but he is very private and a very independent person.

[jackthebear]

I can think of a million reasons

let it go 

[jackthebear]

however

I do have opinions on single people with kids dating....perhaps you have expresseded yours on this topic that run counter to his??

[nelliegirl]

No opinions on that from me, but he has always put his daughter and her needs above his own and I think he usually sees her when she is not around.  I think with her mother's revolving door of boyfriends, he is providing a stable home and example for her.

[NicksmomESQ]

   He probably doesn’t want to until he’s totally sure the relationship is going to work.He doesn’t want you to be disappointed again the way you were when his wife left.Sounds like he’s trying to protect you & his daughter!!

   Leave it be for now.I think he will include you soon. Maybe after the one year mark!!

[jackthebear]

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@nelliegirl wrote:

No opinions on that from me, but he has always put his daughter and her needs above his own and I think he usually sees her when she is not around.  I think with her mother's revolving door of boyfriends, he is providing a stable home and example for her.

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if the time is right he will introduce you to the girlfriend

just wait it out 

[Suzeecat]

Once burned, twice shy?

It sounds like he is being extra cautious and it's great that he is taking his daughter into consideration.  He sounds mature and responsible.  Let him deal with it how he chooses and he will bring her around if and when he's ready. 

[Alison Wonderland]

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@nelliegirl wrote:

No opinions on that from me, but he has always put his daughter and her needs above his own and I think he usually sees her when she is not around.  I think with her mother's revolving door of boyfriends, he is providing a stable home and example for her.

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If you know that, then why question it? Let him work it out and decide when it's the right time. Just because he's been seeing her for a while doesn't mean either one thinks it's serious, so he may well not want to introduce her to the daughter. 

Leave him be. When he wants you to know, he will tell you. And until then, it's not your business.

[nelliegirl]

Thank you everyone, who have cared to reply.  I really appreciate your kind comments and will take them to heart.

[beckyb1012]

As the mother of only one child a 34 year old man let him live his life the way he sees fits.  He will when he is ready and also does not need to hear hints or any comments about his social life or lack thereof.  Just love him and his child that is what he needs the most.  Time will take care of the other.  I remember when my own dear Mom started keeping her comments and opinions to herself about my life and I so appreciated it.  Makes it easier to do for my son and his family.