Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,569
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

I don't but I should.

My parents, other family members and my DH are in the same close "plot".   I'll be there too some day.

I say I should because it looks sad to see a grave with no flowers.

It's a "memorial garden", no plantings, no headstones, only bronze markers in the ground.

It's a beautiful place, but it's a difficult drive for me, it's not convenient, so I don't go.


I should go at least once a year for Memorial/Decoration Day.    The ground shifts, the markers dip & they do need more attention than the perpetual care provides.


The marker sits on top of a granite slab, about 2 years ago when I was there, the grass had covered the granite.   I cleaned it up.


I can call the office and have them put out flowers, of course I do pay for them.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,601
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Hedge ....the cemetery is maintained by our local taxes and is mowed and cared for....this sibling thinks we should wash the stones and bring scissors to trim the grass better than the cemetery does.


I rarely visit but have never seen it look unkept.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,051
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

I don't.  I know that many people do that.  My mom and her sisters tended to all the family graves until they got too old to do it.  My mom was cremated, my dad was buried out of state in his home town.  But even if they were buried locally, I wouldn't visit their graves often.  Maybe not at all.  They aren't there in the ground.  They are in my heart, in my memories.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,601
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Chrystaltree , I have always maintained that same thought, they are in my heart...this sibling is a bully, and thinks we should do what she thinks needs to be done...she has not learned that her attitude is why no one gets along with her.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,441
Registered: ‎11-24-2011

The section of the cemetary where my husband and I bought our plots years ago only allows for flat stone markers. The grounds are well cared for but I do go several times a year and just scrape away the dirt/weeds/grass around the edges of the marker and brush off the dirt that has accumulated in the carved letters & numbers. He was always so fussy about his hair being 100% in place and neat and somehow that translates to me as I need to go neaten him up, he wouldn't want his marker messy. Maybe that only makes sense to me.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,271
Registered: ‎08-14-2013

Cemeteries are becoming a thing of the past, I saw on FB that a city near me has many old cemeteries overgrown and not taken care of. They are relying on ppl volunteering to shovel the roads in winter and cutting the grass in summer. I imagine this will only last a short time until they will give up.


I would never be buried in a cemetery, but, of course, there are still many who would.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,510
Registered: ‎03-19-2016

@software   I go to the cemetery and put seasonal flowers down.

There are two large marble headstones in the family plot and many small ones. It’s perpetually cared for but they don’t clean the stones. I really must find someone who will do it properly. 

(Once I’m gone it will never get done!)

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,588
Registered: ‎03-10-2010




I visit my mother's grave at random times on no specific days. The cemetery where she Is buried allows only "in ground" stones. My mom taught us to keep things clean and I brush off things on her gravestone, but leave the grass etc. up to the grounds keepers.





Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,768
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cemeteries?

[ Edited ]

Yes, my cousin and I are the ones who visit the two main cemeteries where most of our relatives are buried.  I moved to the area four years ago and since then we have willingly taken on this responsibiity.  We take our battery operated clippers and trim closely to the stones, where the mower doesn't remove the grass, etc.  Our "family" cemetery is maintained by a church and the funds are provided for mowing, but not for trimming.  Cleaning of the stones is up to the family and lichen, mold, and mosses and even sap from nearby trees need to be removed. Many of the stones had been neglected for years (my grandpa on my father's side passed in 1932 just to give you an idea), four young children were lost due to childhood illnesses, etc., so there are a lot of family stones in one cemetery.  Some of the stones were so bad it was difficult to even read the names on the markers.  In the other are my maternal grandparents, my parents, her parents and brother, and a lot of other relatives.  We found many of the stones needed to be cleaned and used four different products. We found that D2 worked the best, so we will be cleaning the rest with that product. We simply sprayed it on and over the period of a few months the stones were cleaned.  The stones that were heavily covered with lichen needed a second treatment.


My grandfather's marker was placed during the depression and it was starting to crumble and decay (the stone that held the marker), so we took on a fundraising effort and raised enough funds to purchase a marker to match grandma's.   (She died in 1960, 28 years after he did.)  None of us ever knew my grandpa, but we believe it to be our generation's task to do this, as it doesn't seem that the future generations seem to be interested in preserving the ancestoral history of the family.

“I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things.” St.Teresa of Calcutta
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,097
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

My parents are buried at Arlington Cemetery, so no problems with maintenance and decorations.  I live in Arizona and have not visited their graves but they are always in my heart.