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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,590
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I was having a disucssion with a family member about cemeteries....do you visit the cemetery plot of your loved one and do you also, 'clean up' around the stone?

 

The cemetery does the mowing, etc, but I am speaking of the stone and area around the stone..it is something that you 'tend' to?

Valued Contributor
Posts: 665
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

When I lived in the area of my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and mother in law I would always take a trip to the cemetery before Memorial Day where I would clean up around the stones and plant some fresh flowers for the summer.  Since we moved south I am no longer able to do so although my father in laws grave is near us.  That cemetery does not allow plantings and all  the upkeep is done by the cemetery.  There is a vase for artificial arrangements on the top of each recessed grave marker and we change those a couple of times a year.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,104
Registered: ‎08-18-2016

Yes I visit.  Both my parents, my husband, his parents, and other family rest in the same cemetery.

 

No. I don't do any cleanup.

This detail work is included and they do an excellent job. If I thought it needed additional tending I'd ask for it. They're very responsive to any inquiry or request. I own four more plots.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,704
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

I don't, but my youngest sister and my elderly aunt do visit the cemetery and do the perpetual care to the grave sites. The Polish and German cemetery's in our town are kept up beautifully by the families of the deceased. The churches only hire someone to cut the grass.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,590
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Cemeteries?

[ Edited ]

One sibling is VERY ANGRY that the area is not kept up like she thinks it should be....it is something I do not want to do, has nothing to do with the love I have for my parents...she is a bully, always has been.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,372
Registered: ‎05-12-2012

i have never gone to visit the graves of my parents....don't see the point....my husband, on the other hand, goes frequently to his family cemetery to tidy up.....he even polishes the markers....to each their own...i guess....

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,538
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@momtodogs wrote:

I was having a disucssion with a family member about cemeteries....do you visit the cemetery plot of your loved one and do you also, 'clean up' around the stone?

 

The cemetery does the mowing, etc, but I am speaking of the stone and area around the stone..it is something that you 'tend' to?


No I don't.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,246
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

I visit the graves of my relatives just a few times a year.  There are about a dozen all in a row, side by side. Their gravesites are paid for to have “perpetual care”, so surface plantings are pruned and shaped and the whole area is mowed in warm seasons and the paths are shoveled in winter. 

 

Sometimes the footstones are moved a bit for the edging or pruning and then set back in place. If I arrive and see the footstones are not straight or are looking dirty from handling, I stop by the cemetery office and ask for that to be remedied. I’ve never seen any trash or debris, not even faded old flowers that had been set out anywhere, so I don’t have to do any cleanup. I did see the soil under one of the footstones sinking a lot in one corner and the office person assured me it would be filled in properly. 

 

For my own good feeling, I put a pebble or some small commemorative on the footstones to mark that I visited and prayed.  Sometimes I see that little marker still in place on my next visit. But not usually. The graves are well tended and clean. Everyone rests in peace, I hope. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,621
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

No, my family does not clean up around the stones.  

 

My dad’s family is buried in a public cemetery with full time caretakers.   I’ve never seen anything out of place there.

 

Dad, and several of my mom’s family are buried in a rural family cemetery.   We donate money yearly for the basic upkeep on the cemetery, and the caretaker keeps the grass trimmed around each stone.  The only thing we occasionally have to do is pick up faded flowers that have blown up against the fence, or pick up pieces of trash.  This cemetery would not be maintained at all if we did not donate money to pay a caretaker.   

 

My husband and I have other family buried in very rural family cemeteries that we donate to as well.  I want to be able to visit these cemeteries and walk thru them without the grass being up to my knees, or not being able to see what’s hiding in the grass.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,104
Registered: ‎08-18-2016

@momtodogs wrote:

One sibling is VERY ANGRY that the area is not kept up like she thinks it should be....it is something I do not want to do, has nothing to do with the love I have for my parents...she is a bully, always has been.


What are the terms of the contract with the cemetery? That's what's important, not what your sister thinks should be done.

 

Some provide a very comprehensive grooming in perpetuity. Others are not ever going to provide a detailed service. Some are obligated to, but are poorly managed.

 

Every cemetery is different, so you can find just the level of after care you need/want/can afford.