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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,279
Registered: ‎05-15-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

I think the bottom line is that he is self-centered, insensitive, and just "doesn't get it."  There is no empathy in his soul.  Very sad.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?


@Snowpuppy wrote:

I would think there by His grace, go I and be thankful for ANY loving and caring family members I have.

 

Then I'd go back to my office and mind my own business.


 

That's exactly how I feel too.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,955
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

I think once you are part of the caregiver's club you understand things differently all around.

 

My own mother lived with me for 9 months after breaking her hip. During that time, I slept on an air mattress on the floor beside her bed because she could not be trusted to call for help and was a 24/7 fall risk.

 

Ultimately we had to place her in a very good nearby residential facility, and the next 5 1/2 years of my life were spent working full time and in the facility with her. My paying job was 5 days/week, my "daughter" job was 7/365, every afternoon until she went to bed, twice every Saturday and Sunday. 

 

Then home to do her paper work, buy her meds, do her laundry, do MY schoolwork, do whatever was needed for my 2 teens........  DH won his place in Heaven by jumping in and doing all the household tasks I didn't get done.

 

The staff all loved her, and compared to her self chosen solitary life as an agoraphobic, she was treated like a tiny princess, and lived VERY comfortably during her stay.

 

I know absolutely without question that she would have preferred to die in her home, but I also know that her life in her last 5 years was MUCH BETTER than what I could have done for her at home.

 

The cost of her care wound up being astronomical, but she had been frugal her whole life, and the money was hers and my dad's.

 

Although I regret what happened to all of our lives during that time, I have absolutely NO regrets about the decisions we made.

 

When describing the lives we led during that time, I often say that caring for a parent with dementia is making a long series of choices- all of your choices are TERRIBLE, so life becomes choosing the best of all the terrible decisions available.

 

Blessings to all of you who are presently living this life.... May you be comfortable with what you decide, from the smallest decision to the largest.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,556
Registered: ‎09-16-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

I have empathy for caregivers! I am waiting for a diagnosis on my DH. It has taken months working with the primary care doctor and the necessary referrals. He will be tested late September for brain injury and dementia and then treated for depression. Earlier MRI  nothing noted but with the EEG irregular brain waves. Also have appointment with another neurologist for second opinion. I have taken control of car keys and all Rx and secured house as much as possible. No possible help because not 60 ,no ssa or Medicaid. Test with Va: depression. Spouse has major memory issues and confused. Easily agitated and irritable. Cannot remember day, date, year or time. Forgets what he is doing or how to dress. I go days without sleep. We have one friend that provides transportation. Desperate trying to get help. Very upset and heart broken to see such a quick and sudden change in my precious love. Prayers for all caregivers. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,849
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

@SouthernBee

 

I really wish you well.  It is so hard.  I have been working on diagnosis for months.  In the mean time Mom has slipped rapidly.  She is 94 though.  We could not take her driver's license away.  Luckily, the DMV did because she was reported by an officer who assisted Mom when she ran over a divider on a residential street.  She wasn't sighted, but I think he sensed she had memory issues.  PTL!!

 

You will get through it one day at a time.  There are some dementia care sites that offer direction and support. Once you get diagnosis there is a lot of help available.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

It's very hard on the caregivers, but especially spouse caregivers I think for different emotional reasons than for children.

 

My step-dad had Alzheimers for decades and died of it. But my mom covered for him in every way she could, and took abuse both from him and from their employers and others because she didn't want anyone to know.

 

She completely ruined her own health because of the stress. She did this for far longer than she should have or was safe to do. When my sister or I tried to intervene we were told to mind our own business.

 

He only ended up in the proper facility when my mom suffered a health crisis and was hospitalized for a month. I took him to an Alzheimer's facility, and there he stayed until his death about 5-6 years later.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,808
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

This whole matter is about an elderly lady who wasn't capable of taking care of herself and should not have been left alone.  In some cases it would be like leaving a small child off at the airport to fend for themselves. I think it was selfish and thoughtless to put a "game" before a needy human being.  The lady at the airport saw a need and met it without knowing this woman from adam.  This man either didn't see the need or didn't want to stay.  Either way...it is pretty sad. 

Super Contributor
Posts: 364
Registered: ‎09-26-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

Although this guy is probably a jerk, this is not your monkey and not your circus  Stay out of this....

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,808
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

She did ask what we think of this not what would we have done.  I think it stinks....especially when she said he laughed and thought it was funny. I can think of a few one liners I would like to throw out to that guy.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: Caring for a Parent with Alzheimers - What Do You Think of This?

Something strikes me as I continue to follow this thread.  There are continuing threads on the forums for widows, prayers, inspirational and other groups of people with similar interests and concerns.

 

It seems to me that an Alzheimers Caregivers thread would be a natural.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all