Can't get Xmas back in my life - Page 3

Glittergal · ‎05-12-2010

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way at a time that should be full of joy. My heart goes out to you. I'm surprised by some of the responses here to someone who is obviously hurting and in need of support. I don't think the OP is "pulling a poor me." I think saying that is unkind. Not everyone has the emotional strength after enduring such a traumatic event to just decide to be happy and move on; sometimes other people's actions DO effect our happiness, I don't believe that we are solely responsible for our own happiness even if we have a large part in it. Happiness isn't something we just decide--it's a culmination of experiences involving others that shape our mood and our reality.

It seems like you want to experience the holiday joy, so my advice is to find new traditions to enjoy with your guy. Go to new places that you've never been and see new things that won't bring up old memories as much. Say no to invitations that would be too upsetting. It's tough to avoiod all things that touch a nerve, but with time I hope your sadness will ease. Be kind to yourself.

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

@MalteseMomma wrote:
Christmas is the," Birth of Jesus Christ" He is the reason for the season!!!

..............go to church for Midnite Mass...............(just sayin)

BTW,I also agree with many of the posts here,I'm not all about religon! I lost my DH and DS during this holiday time and it has not been easy.But go to church,it helps!

I was going to say this, too. But sometimes you get slammed for being *religious* about Christmas.

I can't even type it with a big ole X - mas, whether it's proper or not....

But if the Christmas *holiday* for the OP has been/is only all about buying presents, wrapping presents, exchangeing presents, decorating the house inside and outside, cooking and baking, buying red and green papertowels, etc., etc.---then I say---go away for the holiday on a trip somewhere. Get out of Dodge!

MalteseMomma · ‎03-09-2010

@Lucky Charm wrote:
@MalteseMomma wrote:
Christmas is the," Birth of Jesus Christ" He is the reason for the season!!!

..............go to church for Midnite Mass...............(just sayin)

BTW,I also agree with many of the posts here,I'm not all about religon! I lost my DH and DS during this holiday time and it has not been easy.But go to church,it helps!
I was going to say this, too. But sometimes you get slammed for being *religious* about Christmas.

I can't even type it with a big ole X - mas, whether it's proper or not....

But if the Christmas *holiday* for the OP has been/is only all about buying presents, wrapping presents, exchangeing presents, decorating the house inside and outside, cooking and baking, buying red and green papertowels, etc., etc.---then I say---go away for the holiday on a trip somewhere. Get out of Dodge!

@Lucky Charm...

I was thinking the same thing. go somewhere ,plan a get-away vacation. I said church because thats how I started getting back into life after my loved ones died. I was very lonely that first Christmas Eve and so i walked around the block to my church (I had not been there in a very long while) It was a lovely,quiet ,soft snowy winter nite that Christmas Eve so long ago.

I was astounded at the beauty of the nite and the church,I loved the pagentry of the Jesus story, they did a live Posada, the choir singing,everyone was kind and welcoming..

I went home and thought to myself,I never have to be lonely again! I will go to church .

It was my first step back to life and that night took me all around the world in later yrs,I did things I never thought I could do and even met and got a gold medal for service to the church from the Pope in Italy......would you believe that...lol.......all because I was sad, and lonely on that Christmas Eve so many yrs before and went to church...........

(hummmm,this thread made me remember all that.It was many yrs ago and I had not thought about it for years.I'm old now and it feels good to remember that Blessed Night

KentuckyWoman · ‎03-13-2010

I am sorry for what you are going through. You are still holding on to a lot of pain and you deserve better. I hope you can get some professional help. Someone who can help you look forward and let go of all the negative things surrounding the breakup of your marriage. Your ex has moved on and you should too. As long as you hold onto the pain and anger, he is still controlling you.

I wish you happiness and peace.

Nugbucker · ‎08-07-2018

Hi @Hondagirl. I’m a Honda girl, too. CRV girl to be exact. And I had a husband who left me for his female coworker so I know a little about how you must feel. It took me a long time to just move on and be done with him but I know that everyone deals differently with sad stressful situations, so there’s really no time limit on grieving. And it is a grieving period, no doubt. Your life as you knew it changed and your plans for your future now have to change too, and it seems unfair that this happened when you had no say in it. I don’t have any good words of advice, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone. Let yourself be sad, it is okay. But if you can, try not to let that man occupy any more space in your head. You most definitely deserve to be happy, so let yourself find happiness. Give yourself a few minutes each day to feel sad or bad but then promise yourself you’ll take care of you the rest of the day by not beating yourself up. Get through today and don’t worry about tomorrow.
You want to know what helped me the most? Hypnotherapy. No joke. I did a few sessions of ‘forget your past’ or something like that and it worked. Or at least I believe it did and that’s all that matters.
Some people can be such jerks. Our exes are complete jerks it seems. Their loss, however.
Hang in there!

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

@hondagirl, there are a number of us who have gone through this, where our hubby left us - and left us devastated. It happened to me 15 years ago after 22 years of what I thought was a life with my soul-mate. During those dark days after he left, I finally decided that I could either let him ruin the rest of my life grieving over our marriage, or I could stand up, shake myself off, and be a better person than him. I would not let him destroy my self-esteem or my life. He made his choice and he now has to live with it. I found a wonderful counselor who helped me recognize that I'm still a whole person and I could move on with my life. It wasn't always easy, but I realized that I could be a bigger and better person than he was. Sometimes something will remind me of the good days we had, but I always realize that it is over and my life is good now. No one person should have such control over you and your life. It's time for you to find happiness and take control of your own life. Bless you and please, stop thinking about him, and start thinking about making yourself happy.

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

You really have two options.

You can continue to pine for a guy that cheated on you and left and let him run your life from afar.

You can commit to the guy you're seeing now if he's a good guy.

Clearly this is ruining more than Christmas for you. If you choose the first option you probably need to move on from the other guy. Not really fair to him. Personally I think you'd be better off to create new memories. Start some new traditions with your man. Change up how you celebrate the holiday. Go out to brunch instead of cooking dinner, or open gifts on Christmas eve or go together and volunteer someplace.

If you found a good man don't lose him over some guy that clearly isn't worth it.

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

@MalteseMomma wrote:
@Lucky Charm wrote:
@MalteseMomma wrote:
Christmas is the," Birth of Jesus Christ" He is the reason for the season!!!

..............go to church for Midnite Mass...............(just sayin)

BTW,I also agree with many of the posts here,I'm not all about religon! I lost my DH and DS during this holiday time and it has not been easy.But go to church,it helps!
I was going to say this, too. But sometimes you get slammed for being *religious* about Christmas.

I can't even type it with a big ole X - mas, whether it's proper or not....

But if the Christmas *holiday* for the OP has been/is only all about buying presents, wrapping presents, exchangeing presents, decorating the house inside and outside, cooking and baking, buying red and green papertowels, etc., etc.---then I say---go away for the holiday on a trip somewhere. Get out of Dodge!

@Lucky Charm...
I was thinking the same thing. go somewhere ,plan a get-away vacation. I said church because thats how I started getting back into life after my loved ones died. I was very lonely that first Christmas Eve and so i walked around the block to my church (I had not been there in a very long while) It was a lovely,quiet ,soft snowy winter nite that Christmas Eve so long ago.
I was astounded at the beauty of the nite and the church,I loved the pagentry of the Jesus story, they did a live Posada, the choir singing,everyone was kind and welcoming..
I went home and thought to myself,I never have to be lonely again! I will go to church .
It was my first step back to life and that night took me all around the world in later yrs,I did things I never thought I could do and even met and got a gold medal for service to the church from the Pope in Italy......would you believe that...lol.......all because I was sad, and lonely on that Christmas Eve so many yrs before and went to church...........

(hummmm,this thread made me remember all that.It was many yrs ago and I had not thought about it for years.I'm old now and it feels good to remember that Blessed Night

Oh what a wonderful story @MalteseMomma. I've never known anyone who's gotten to meet the Pope!

And yes, the beauty of Midnight Mass, there is nothing to top a Christmas day, eve or night.

Wishing you a very nice Christmas.

software · ‎06-08-2016

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blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

@hondagirlmy dear girl, I have a feeling you have low self esteem issues. I don't understand how you could still be in love with someone who obviously cheated on you, threw you and the family away and married, I guess, his true love. I don't understand how you cannot be mad as hell at your ex and instead you are pineing for him and letting these feelings ruin your holidays and maybe even your new relationship. If you know what's good for you, I'd seek professional help. I don't mean to sound harsh, but sister you need to take care of this.