Can't get Xmas back in my life

hondagirl · ‎07-07-2012

Husand left in the month of October many years ago and I was a mess over the holidays...Could not get over the fact he was with someone else and I had no idea where to turn for sometime. My kids would have dinner and then I would eat at a friends house - very hard times for me. Went to therapy and meetings to help with the lonliness. For many years I didn't do anything but go to work and come home. He would not consider coming back to trying to figure out what went wrong. It's now been several years and he has since married the woman he left me for and that still hurts at times. I do have someone in my life now and I try and make the holidays the best I can but when my husband left and hurt me so bad the Xmas spirit died... I know many of you do not understand why I am this way but I can't feel any holiday at all - it's gone completely...This is not fair to my new guy but I can't do any holiday preparations without tears... When a Xmas song comes on the radio in my car I need to change it I will go to pieces.. Still love this man so much and guess I won't move on...Just feels so good to vent and let it out..

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

I remember it well and will have to say I was in the same place as you until I realized I was allowing him control over my life. At that point I decided he would have to control someone elses life. Everybody deals with these emotional situations in their own way. I had to make my life what I wanted it to be and basically start fresh, which I did. That realization allowed me to bank on my independence and I was able to stand tall and stronger than I had been in years. Yes, it took me a while, and gradually what I thought was love for this man diminished to the point that he gradually disappeared in my mind and heart. I found other things that fill my heart, the biggest is my pride in what I accomplished during those years until retirement....so I do have to give him credit for allowing me to take back my life almost 30 years ago!

What you do from here on is up to you. My ex-husband has nothing to do with my life now, what I hear is that he has regrets.....I don't!

Skididdy · ‎11-05-2013

@hondagirl, I am so so sorry you are feeling this way.

Hard to find words to help you but what I would like to express to you is that YOU and YOU alone need to let go. 100% let go. YOU have to make the consious decision to do this. Easier said than done, but once you decide this, there will be no looking back , only forward.

Dig down deep, find that strength, and dont let him control your heart and mind any longer. You can do this. You are strong, beautiful, and you need to be loved. He left you....he is nothing.

Now go in the direction of your NEW DREAMS and find your way.

LIFE WILL BE SWEETER when you put this all away and never look back.

YOU DESERVE EVERY WONDERFUL THING LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

Many hugs dear this holiday season....many many hugs.

We are always here to listen. HUGS HUGS HUGS

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@hondagirl I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. But it's not good to let your feelings about your ex control your feelings all these years.

I would like to kindly suggest some counseling to move on with your life. Whether you do Christmas or not, you need to feel better about *yourself* and life in general.

Many places offer free or low cost assistance and I sincerely hope you will make us of this service.

I wish you well.

Skididdy · ‎11-05-2013

@ScarletDove be proud of you...sounds like you have come a long way.

Hugs and wishing you the very best always.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@Skididdy I don't understand what you mean, but thanks for the nice words. Come a long way from what? i don't have an ex but I do have a deceased husband, is that what you mean?

Sorry, I'm confused.

Skididdy · ‎11-05-2013

@Love my grandkids, I am sorry, I corrected my post . It was to go to @ScarletDove.

Sorry again.

Graciesmom · ‎08-13-2010

I LOVE @ScarletDove‘s story where a girl picks herself up, dusts herself off and starts AGAIN !! Anyone can do it if they want to do the work on self improvement and desire to want the change ... and that means you too @hondagirl. The question is if you WANT the change enough. Your attitude plays a big part and I truly hope you have it in you so I can enjoy your story next year as much as I enjoyed @ScarletDove. You can get your Christmas spirit back ... do things different ... go to Christmas Eve service with your new guy ... or plan a dinner or invite friends in on Christmas Eve ... the ball is in your court @hondagirl ... the fight for control is yours and I hope you will pick the ball up and run with it ... in a NEW direction. I did it ... ScarletDove did it so it is possible !! God Bless ...

software · ‎06-08-2016

The holidays are depressing for me too, not for the same reason

But I don't spoil it for others, especially my kids.

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@ScarletDove I hear growth and recovery. Thank you for your wise words. I was recently expressing that the Christmas season is not the cheer that it used to be as I had a violent disruptive occurance on Christmas day many years ago and I have chosen for many years not to invite the joy of Christmas in my home ever since. Thank you for reminding me that I can take back control of my feelings and I am only limiting myself. Wishing you much happiness throughout this Christmas season.

@hondagirl Join me in my recovery of celebrating this joyful time of the year. It is time to allow love, kindness, and forgiveness for any harm that was done. I will no longer allow violent actions of the past to control my live.