Among Friends

[Mominohio]

I'll add this perspective. 

She may be doing this to push your buttons. She may be the kind of woman that likes drama and conflict and her own way and being mean (or maybe not all those, but some?).

Every time you get angry (on the outside) with her or to your husband about her, you are giving her power and she is winning. 

I would smile, be gracious and thankful. I would donate anything I didn't want. I would never mention it to my husband again...he knows and like most men, isn't going to stand up to his mother....and I would cut way back on the money and effort I put into her gifts in the future. 

Someone else mentioned not buying her anything when you go on vacation. That is a perfect place to start. You could even go so far as to tell your husband he is now responsible for choosing the gifts for his mother. You can always pass it off on him as "how much more special they will be coming directly from her own son, don't you know mothers love that sort of thing, when their son's pick things out themselves?"

Believe me, I know how fuming mad you can get about this, but just remember you want to be the one in control and not give her the power over your emotions. If she truly does this on purpose (as opposed to just being a bad gift giver), it will drive her nuts.

[Regal Bee]

@mintedrose  For years I had a really good friend who would give me things that did not work in my home no matter how hard I tried. Then, she started asking where the things were that she gave me and I didn't have displayed. She was giving me things that she liked and that I didn't. I tried to tell her in a nice way to no avail....she just kept on doing this.

Finally, I gave her something that I liked that wouldn't fit into home/lifestyle and she seemed to 'get it.' I still don't understand to this day how we could be such good friends and she didn't know me any better than this.

I feel sorry for your situation because I understand how upsetting this can be. Hopefully, you will find a solution. 

[Isobel Archer]

How about - Oh my gosh, contact paper!!  How did you know?  I've been wanting this forever, but wouldn't have thought to buy it for myself.  Thank you sooooo much!!!!!

[kelsey17]

I understand how you feel.....growing up i took after my parents who when they gave a gift would be thoughtful and  give things of quality and what the receiver would be interested in..............i grew up giving nice gifts to my friends...SOMETIMES reciprocated by some...others less meaningful gifts..............i taught my kids to put thoughts into gifts and they always do a nice job................and i know you have always given from what you have said meaningful gifts.............but if i were you at this point i would just give 

less meaningful gifts back to your MIL....don't stress...don't try so hard to please her....get her the easiest thing you can get her for the occasion.....and let go of the hurt......it will never work to say something....

[Elri]

  @mintedrose

Oh ho ho!   I have gotten some winners in my life.  Usually from the same person/couple. 

I was always polite.  Even for the cement fruit, which went straight into the trash.  It was cement, concrete, something??

I love art.  I appreciate art.  This wasn't artistic, it was sadistic, I think, on purpose!     

[Sooner]

---

@mintedrosewrote:

on what to do when someone gives you bad gifts? My mother in law for example, tends to give not very nice gifts. I hate to even say it because I am very thankful that she even thinks of me to gift anything but lately, its been bugging me. I dont expect it to be expensive or anything fancy, I prefer not to have anything instead of something thats weird. They are doing fine financially so I know its not that. We always get her nice flower arrangements and a nicely done baskets for birthdays or mothers day. When we go for vacation, i always get her something nice as well. I always thought she had very good style and taste but with the gifts shes given me in the past, im not so sure why she would do that. It feels as though she gives me things that someone gave her and she didnt like herself. ;( For my birthday a couple of years ago, she gave me worn out table mats and napkins that she knows are not my style. Now, i know that she wouldnt even use that in her own house while serving. My sister in law on the other hand gave me contact paper for Christmas. I feel awful about it. Im sorry if this offends anyone. Im perhaps hard to please but if it was me, I would not give those things as gifts. Im venting because it really bugs me and makes me wonder if people think twice before gifting someone. What advice would you give? 

---

@mintedrose  Throw out or donate what you don't want.  Say thank you politely.  Don't spend a bunch of money or worry a lot about what you buy for them and don't give it another thought.  Not worth worrying over.

[Sooner]

---

@mintedrosewrote:

@StraytoStay after reading the replies, Im seriously thinking about re-gifting the items she gave me and telling her I dont have a use for them. On the sister in law gift, I dont gift her anything. We dont like each other much. We do however are forced to make it to their kids birthdays (by mother in law) where we usually will give them a nice card with some money. 

---

You have a choice:  Either let this go or let it eat away at you.  Is it really worth the worry?

[mintedrose]

@Elri  I feel for you! I like art too but I dont expect anyone to get me anything related to that at all. I think sometimes a basic something that anyone can appreciate is usually the way to go like a gift card to a department store or a spa or even nice chocolate, i dont think you can go wrong with that. Again, I dont even want gifts at all. I stopped giving them myself because I may offend someone too. 

[mintedrose]

@Isobel Archer LOL I really wish i had said that but we had just gotten married and I didnt wanna fuss about it. Actually, it was the paper kind that you have to measure and stick on your self with perfumed sachets.   I could go on and on but it was so long ago and I think i may have thrown it out or used it in the basement or something. 

[Regal Bee]

@mintedrose  It took me a long time to get where I am now but.....I would ask my husband to voice my concerns....if he did not....I would tell her outright my thoughts.

I just don't waste my time anymore with people who cannot treat me correctly.