Among Friends

[Bibione]

I took care of my 88 years old mother who has dementia for a few months recently.i was able to leave her home alone, if needed ,never for more than 3 hours. I had to lock the kitchen and the outside gate.

Now she is in a nursing home.I feel guilty, but I had no choice.If I lived close to her I would have her stay with me.

The advice I give to the poster whose husband has to drive: I wouldn't let him go by himself.I heard stories about people getting lost because of early dementia.

[LTT1]

Interesting study:

folly-brain-games-actually-works-instead

Sudoku and crossword puzzles do not increase mental ability or decrease mental decline.

[Yardlie]

@LTT1 ...Re. your husband driving to the reunions, are you going along? I would not let him go alone. I guess I do not understand all the circumstances. Can you possibly do the driving? That would be safest.

[geezerette]

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@TX-starlight wrote:

@Yardlie @cherry This happened to my mom in her last stages of life. She started eating less &less. I fixed all her meals, which she would hardly touch. Then I would ask what she wanted, she said nothing. She LOVED DQ burgers, so I would even ask if she wanted that. If she said yes, I would go get it, she would take a tiny bite, then push it away. I was frustrated to end. This went on for about 2wks, then she just stopped eating completely. It was so difficult to watch her starving. She was ready to die & wanted no life support of any type. 

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Yes, this happened to my mother too.  Her fixation was Little Debbie’s snack cakes.  She always had eaten healthy, but in the last stages of her life, all she wanted was sugar.  I figured that was probably because it was easy to digest, but of course it just made her weaker.  Finally, her nausea became so bad that she quit eating all together.  

As an aside, this also sort of happened with my husband. He was always extremely careful about what he ate because he was diabetic.  In the last month of his life, he also started to become nauseous and had to force himself to eat.  He too requested sweets, which he never had even liked.  

Apparently, this is part of the body shutting down.  Much like the symptoms of a pet in its last stages. 💔

[Yardlie]

@BirkiLady ... Thanks for your ideas. The phone idea is very creative!

What we are looking for in a baby monitor is one where there is no camera, but where I can hear my mother, and I can also speak to her by pressing a button on my monitor...yet, we do not want her to be able to hear us. Maybe something other than a baby monitor would fulfill this idea.

[LTT1]

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@Yardlie wrote:

@LTT1...Re. your husband driving to the reunions, are you going along? I would not let him go alone. I guess I do not understand all the circumstances. Can you possibly do the driving? That would be safest.

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@Yardlie

Thank you for your reply.

I won’t drive those roads from here to Austin...there have been one too many scares on them for me...it is terrible. And DHs driving has always scared passengers. 

His mother (bless her), his daughter and me...after begging and getting no compliance from him, all of us have given up somewhat. Then I have begun to realize that his jerky movements have been due to the shakes, which his dad had too.

When we last visited the DGCs...he backed into their mailbox! Distracted. 

I have emailed his doctor (behind his back) and have just spoken to him. He has always been inclined to “do the opposite.”

I guess we will see.

[RetRN]

@LTT1, has he been seen by a neurologist? There may be medication to help with his shakiness. Just a thought. 

The driving issue is a tough one, we went through it with my dad when his dementia worsened and the police found him driving the wrong way on a major highway. 

[Lucky Charm]

I think you may have to do the driving for these reunions.  I realize you've had some scares doing this route before, but if your DH's driving has been bad and is getting worse due to mental decline---it could become more than horrific.

If you can't find another way for him to get there, and there's no time for his lic. to be revoked, then instead of a disaster waiting to happen.

[Yardlie]

@LTT1 ... Is there possibly another way to get your husband to the reunion...bus, train, plane? I don't want to state the obvious, but thought I'd toss this out there. (Bus, train, plane?) Good luck!

Believe me, I know how frustrating it is looking out for our families. On the one end, I've got my mother going downhill...and then there are my children who still do not seem to have developed all the common sense I wish they had. DH and I are stuck in the middle just shaking our heads. Guess it's part of that sandwich generation thing. 

[LTT1]

@Yardlie@Lucky Charm@RetRN

About me driving him to the reunions...on those type roads I have entirely lost my driving skills!  The need to merge and make decisions quickly with vehicles around me going 65 mph or more negates any hope of being the one in this partnership with the bravery to attempt it.

After I told him of my fears just now, he seems to be even more determined to go, but we will see.

This is the only thing in his life that comes off as being insensitive to others. He is an exceptionally dear man.