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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,598
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?


@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:

Some of these responses astound me. To all this applies to:

Be the bigger person.


unless you have been through this kind of mishigas,it's easy to say "be the bigger person". 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,902
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

@Meowingkitty : DH & you have moved on. BIL can text you. No need to return the call- too cryptic.

 

Is there a full moon or something? Last I heard from my ex via phone call was him looking for $- and a lot of it. That was about a year ago. I said no BUT emailed him some helpful suggestions of what he might do to get the needed funds. He replied with a scathing email.

 

Yesterday out of the blue he sends me an email telling me how to manage my money and why I need to start collecting social security. He is the last person I would ever accept financial advice from- especially when unsolicited. AND I no longer speak to him. I would consider text or email, but probably would just ignore and move on. Our children are grown and doing well on their own, so there is no longer that issue to connect us.

 

Deleted the email and attachment. His memory may be short (on some selected things.)  As I am a woman I forget nothing.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,285
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

I never got involved w/my ex-husband's "family" (parents & siblings) problems and/or issues.  Not my business or problem!

 

After my ex died, I heard through the grapevine the spouses of his siblings have been dragged into the "family" mess.

 

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"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."


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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,842
Registered: ‎06-08-2021

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

@Meowingkitty Not to be nosy, but why has your husband cut himself off from his family of origin? (If you'd rather not say, just ignore this).

 

Personally I would call and find out what was going on - just out of curiosity, if nothing else! You can always refuse if there is an inappropriate request.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,997
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

You are really obsessed with money and terrified that your husband might reconnect with his family. It's your husbands decision, not yours. If he wants to know why the brother is calling, he should act like an adult and return the call. If he doesn't care, he should still return the call and tell his brother that he wants no contact with any of them so please do not call again. If he hasn't spoken to them in 30 years, it's highly unlikely they want money. Perhaps the sister is hospitalized or terminally ill.


Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,907
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

I would call him.  He can always say no and move on.  Avoiding things is not a good way to live. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,771
Registered: ‎10-30-2010

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

I do not believe in giving toxic people an invite into my life. If you have cut them out for 25-30 years that tells me that there is a good reason. 

 

Perhaps she has passed and he is trying to let him now, but why all of the cryptic calls and messages. 

 

Your gut instinct is probably correct. He wants money. I am not a bank especially for family members that I have no contact with. 

 

Stick to your guns and go on with your life. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,597
Registered: ‎12-27-2010

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,291
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?


@Meowingkitty wrote:

My husbands brother has been trying to contact him regarding his sister. My husband has had no contact with either his sister or brother in probably 25-30 years. He left us a message and sent us a letter but neither one gave us any indication as to what he might want. Just "call me it's about our sister" Considering his past record the only time this guy calls is to try to get money from us so we’re pretty sure he wants money for something. All we know it’s regarding his sister. She’s quite a bit older so it might be money for health care nurses, heck, he might even think she could move in here with us so we could take care of her. That is a H*** No.  What would you do? My husband is in no hurry to call him because we know he wants something and it’s never good. He is getting ready to retire next year or sooner if he gets irritated enough and we know if we give him money we’ll never see a dime of it again. My husband has really had nothing to do with his family for over 40 years other than a very occasional card at Christmas and even those stopped years ago.

 

 

 

 

@Meowingkitty 

 

Myself I don't follow the avoidance thing. Like I have done in everything else in my adult life, and prior! 

 

Hear what he wants to talk about and if it is something you want no part of being involved? In no uncertain terms or words, give him your answer.

 

Why people are so hesitant to tell anyone face to face, or via any other communication available, exactly how they feel?  There are straight forward and tactful ways to say no. And to someone, family or friend, that has no interest in connecting for 25-30 years? Would be that much easier for many.

 

Speak up!

 

 

hckynut 🇺🇸


 

hckynut(john)
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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,264
Registered: ‎11-03-2018

Re: Brother-in-law wants something and it’s usually money. What would you do?

I would change my number.    My husbands family is the same way.