I haven't read all the replies, just the first couple of pages, but I do know the pressure of having someone needing more than you feel you can give.
My father was sick for 16 years, and died when he was 45. My mom only had me for help (and I was only 18 when he died). She worked a full time job, did all the hospital stuff every time he would be admitted or run to emergency, raised two kids, kept a house....
Yes, she was younger and healthier than OP at this time, but it was a very long and hard battle. He failed not only physically, but mentally became a totally different (and demanding and hard to deal with) person, because of disease and medication.
It was hard for my mom to keep going, there was no help to come in. All I can offer are two things.
This, too shall pass.
And you can only give what you've got. If you ruin your own health, you will be of no use to anyone.
So pacing yourself might help, but sometimes getting a different attitude or outlook on the situation can help you deal physically and mentally with this.
Don't discount that some counseling or some spiritual guidance might help. Consider looking at others in the same position and connecting with them. Just knowing you aren't alone, or seeing that there are others out there with a worse situation could help change the way you are feeling about this.
Most importantly, know that he won't be around much longer, and you will have to live with yourself about how you dealt with this. So kindness, compassion, breaks when you need them, asking for help (even if it is paid help) are all important.
I certainly don't know your father, but my guess is that he can't control his 'need' for your attentions. He is most likely at a point where he is, in many ways, not the man he once was, and has little or no control over some of the things he is doing/wanting.
I know that doesn't make it any less exhausting, but it might help to remember that we all could end up in that place someday, and we will need all the love and patience those around us can muster up.
Not having any children, you may have missed out on just how demanding another person can be in your life at certain times (a young child, an elderly or dementia parent). You might see this differently had you had to go through the sacrifices of child rearing that are similar to this (just at a younger age when we can handle the physical and emotional stress of it much better).
Cut yourself a little slack because this isn't easy, can be more overwhelming when you don't have much family to share the burden, and makes you feel guilty for wanting some escape from it. That is normal, venting here or in a group or with some counsel is good for you and may be helpful. Just save your best for him when you are there, and let the frustration out other places.
They say parenting is the hardest job you'll ever do. Well, this is parenting in reverse, so there are no manuals, no instruction guide, and it isn't going to be the same for any two people. You simply might not be able to change your circumstance, so working on changing the way you see it or the way you cope with it might be the only option.
Best wishes for you and prayers for the entire family.
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