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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-14-2010

If he has a caregiver, how often is she with him? Perhaps she could keep him from calling so often. Your father is lonely. He loves you and longs for your company. Tell him you call him everyday at a specific time, and you prefer that he doesn't call you, you will call him instead.

Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

She is with him 24/7 and he is stubborn and there is no way she can kkeep him from other than hiding the phone. He does not follow rules. 

 

 


@lovesrecess wrote:

If he has a caregiver, how often is she with him? Perhaps she could keep him from calling so often. Your father is lonely. He loves you and longs for your company. Tell him you call him everyday at a specific time, and you prefer that he doesn't call you, you will call him instead.


 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: Blessing and a curse

[ Edited ]

@I am still oxox wrote:

She is with him 24/7 and he is stubborn and there is no way she can kkeep him from other than hiding the phone. He does not follow rules. 

 

 

Then perhaps the phone should be hidden    You can be stubborn to....and refuse to be manipulated by anyone, even a parent you love.  Your first responsibility is to yourself and your husband    You and your brother have ensured that your dad is safe, loved, visited often, and has a live-in caregiver   I would set down new groundrules, kindly but firmly stating them and why they are being made....and then stick to them.  People can only take advantage of you if you allow it.  

I realize it's easy for me to say.....when I'm not living it.  But I think that's how I would deal with it, if it were me.  


 


 

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@alicedee wrote:

@I am still oxox wrote:

She is with him 24/7 and he is stubborn and there is no way she can kkeep him from other than hiding the phone. He does not follow rules. 

 

 

Then perhaps the phone should be hidden    You can be stubborn to....and refuse to be manipulated by anyone, even a parent you love.  Your first responsibility is to yourself and your husband    You and your brother have ensured that your dad is safe, loved, visited often, and has a live-in caregiver   I would set down new groundrules, kindly but firmly stating them and why they are being made....and then stick to them.  People can only take advantage of you if you allow it.  

I realize it's easy for me to say.....when I'm not living it.  But I think that's how I would deal with it, if it were me.  


 


 


 

 

thank you but it is highly unlikely that this will happen

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Honored Contributor
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@Justice4all@I am still oxox

 

I read once to use the words "I have five minutes to talk right now" and it worked.

This response if feeling like you are being held hostage regularly by phone calls.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 34,409
Registered: ‎03-09-2010
@Katcat1
Now I know of your health issues.
I am so very sorry for all that you have been through.
I hope you are well now❤️
~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 34,409
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@I am still oxox@alicedee@lovesrecess@BeccaLou@Shell60 and all here

 

One thing we all have to make peace with is a fact:

 

We cannot MAKE our loved one be happy.

They have to make themselves happy.

 

 

I will compare this to a dear pet... we cannot bring them to a happy level of comfort sometimes.❤️

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 34,409
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Blessing and a curse

[ Edited ]

@I am still oxox

 

Explaining your health situation and expecting your dad to understand may be futile. Leaving a note on his phone about only calling once per day may be futile, as in previous example.

 

Concerning people who have lost reasoning ability: DH tried to reason with his brother concerning the need to monitor his blood sugar and why and how to do it properly.  

This was ineffective because his brother's failing health (kidneys and liver) were causing mental inabilities.

 

Still, DH would say "He isn't monitoring his blood sugar. He knows better than this. I showed him how to do it." DH assumed.

 

When my mother moved here, she would call from her complex screaming "bring me my Ambien!" (And she was drinking...a lot) or "Bring me my car keys!" 

This behavior was difficult to power through, so I have felt the ire of a parent not in their right mind.

 

DBIL left us a few months ago (April). DH still feels guilty about letting him die or something like that.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
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@LTT1 wrote:

@I am still oxox

 

In my experience, I have never met anyone 94 years old who has not lost some level of mental reasoning... my experience only.

Explaining your health situation and expecting your dad to understand may be futile. Leaving a note on his phone about only calling once per day may be futile.

 

DH tried to reason with his brother (70) concerning the need to monitor his blood sugar and why and how to do it properly.  This was ineffective because his brother's failing health (kidneys and liver) were causing mental inabilities.

 

When my mother moved here, she would call from her complex screaming "bring me my Ambien!" (And she was drinking...a lot) "Bring me my car keys!" 

This behavior was difficult to power through.


 

 

 

I beg to differ 70 is not 94, he has been "spoiled" most of his life first by his aunt who was 10 years older then he is and then by my Mom and now by me and my hubby, my brother not so much. Since I am retired he assumes that I am at his disposal, as horrible as it sounds I have fibbed to him about things I am doing so he will leave me alone for the day. 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 34,409
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Adding here: we need to separate out the guilt portion

 

ie: "of course I have to answer the phone! What would my father think if I didn't?"  

 

We are the adults now and must be firm in our approach to setting boundaries, even when our parents do not understand.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~