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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,507
Registered: ‎07-11-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays


@DiAnne wrote:

I did not read this whole thread so if I am repeating I apologize.  I have a daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren but they live in a different state.  I am often alone on holidays.  You need to make your own holiday.  I always decorate the house for Christmas.   I invited a few friends over for dinner a couple of weeks ago (early enough that it did not interfere with their holiday).  I make cookies and deliver to friends and neighbors.  I always buy myself a Christmas present.  I am going out to a nice dinner next week with a couple of friends to celebrate the new year before new years.  You can also volunteer.  I am fixing a lobster dinner for myself tonight.  I have a good book and few Netflix videos.  In all honesty I am been invited to a couple of friends houses for dinner but I kind of feel odd about it so I am just happier at home.  I usually get a few Merry Christmas phone calls from out of state friends. 


@DiAnne...good for you. You go girl!

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.
Super Contributor
Posts: 469
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays

It is the Pitts! So sorry you are alone! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,263
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays


@catwhisperer wrote:

@DiAnne wrote:

I did not read this whole thread so if I am repeating I apologize.  I have a daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren but they live in a different state.  I am often alone on holidays.  You need to make your own holiday.  I always decorate the house for Christmas.   I invited a few friends over for dinner a couple of weeks ago (early enough that it did not interfere with their holiday).  I make cookies and deliver to friends and neighbors.  I always buy myself a Christmas present.  I am going out to a nice dinner next week with a couple of friends to celebrate the new year before new years.  You can also volunteer.  I am fixing a lobster dinner for myself tonight.  I have a good book and few Netflix videos.  In all honesty I am been invited to a couple of friends houses for dinner but I kind of feel odd about it so I am just happier at home.  I usually get a few Merry Christmas phone calls from out of state friends. 


@DiAnne...good for you. You go girl!

 

 

Shoekitty saud

 

I admire you totally for doing that for yourself.  I wish I was like that!  I would never cook something that good for myself.  I hate decorating, I hate cooking.  When my husband travels I eat Amy's frozen meals in the den.  LOL! I used to love all that.  Now, not so much  I need a better attitude, LOL!  I have 17 people coming tomorrow for an early buffet.  I am cursing the day I was born right now I am so tired, hahahaha.  But after the kids and grands get here, I will pep up.  I see them all the time as they live in town.  I am lucky, and am very grateful


 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,941
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays

Just wanted to add a slightly different perspective.  As a married adult with children and a grandchild, ideally I would love to invite a single friend (or friends) for the holidays but our family dynamic is such that we can not be sure that one of our adult children will not create serious holiday drama that is unpleasant and even destructive to all involved.  Life is not always what it appears to be looking in from the outside. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,263
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays


@FastDogWalker2 wrote:

Just wanted to add a slightly different perspective.  As a married adult with children and a grandchild, ideally I would love to invite a single friend (or friends) for the holidays but our family dynamic is such that we can not be sure that one of our adult children will not create serious holiday drama that is unpleasant and even destructive to all involved.  Life is not always what it appears to be looking in from the outside. 


Shoe kitty said

 

I hear you!  I have a brother who is mentally ill.  He can clear a room real quick with his ideas and delusions!  We love him, and are family..but strangers get very uncomfortable/  We can't have some people over when he is there as everyone suffers, and he can go "off".  Bless his heart, but I know which you speak

Super Contributor
Posts: 399
Registered: ‎02-27-2015

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays

Fast Doggie and Shoe Kitty, Amen! Some family gatherings are not always the "Norman Rockwell" scenes. Sometimes no one knows how things will go, and inviting others into the mix brings it's own kind of tension or stress. An "average, uneventful" day can be a struggle.

Super Contributor
Posts: 592
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays

[ Edited ]

I was looking for a post like this for the last part of my Christmas Evening alone.

I'm 50 years old and have nobody for close family. I'll try to keep it fairly kind and say the only relatives left are "less than good people". I've been alone a long time now. I'd guess since 2002. I say this because it is when my Mom died. My first thought is I hate the looks from people when they find out your doing nothing on the Holiday. When the find out you have no family and they look with such unmitigated pity. That is the thing that gets to me sometimes. My hairdresser did it and gave me a pitying invitation to her place for the Holiday. No way could I ever do that, pityed is worse than being alone. First realize you are going to tear up a few times. Accept it, let it go as soon as it happens. I'm stuck in a place where I honestly have no friends. That makes it worse. Closest friend I have to me is a lovely guy who sort of adopted me as a second Mom, he lives in San Francisco. I'm in Los Angeles until June when I leave to move myself lock stock and barrel to Minneapolis, Minnesota. My guy lives back there to be close to his kids, his business and family and I'll finally get to be closer to him. So, you ask what am I doing today?

I am in my pajamas all day, I cooked a somewhat fattening yet fairly healthy dinner for me of my favorite Pasta and have had my favorite DVD's on all day yesterday and today when I am not watching a marathon of some sort on television.  Surprisingly, tomorrow it gets better. Christmas day is the hard day because you are constantly reminded of those you love not being here. The sun goes down, and tomorrow is better. Congradulate me on finally being able to escape LA! Cat Very Happy I'd say everyone is different but try some of the same things. It will be easier next year. Promise.

 

Contributor
Posts: 27
Registered: ‎12-09-2015

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays

Did everyone get through it okay? The next hurdle is New Year's Eve, and then we're free.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,925
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays


@ennui wrote:

Did everyone get through it okay? The next hurdle is New Year's Eve, and then we're free.


And just what is it about New Year's Eve? I have a husband, a mom next door, and a kid that has been home with us for that day every year (but old enough that probably won't be this year).

 

I haven't really enjoyed New Years since my kid was little, and we'd have an at home party with him every year. I didn't like New Year's before that time and haven't liked it since he was about 12. It just, for the most part, hasn't been my kind of holiday. 

 

I love the fresh start of a new year, so I don't know why this particular holiday evening depresses me. We have gone out (long ago), we have stayed in, but nothing seems to lift my spirits on that evening.

 

We now try to go out to breakfast or lunch as a family, and that is fun on New Year's Eve day, but as the sun goes down, my mood sours. 

 

That is the one holiday I'm always glad is behind me.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 517
Registered: ‎06-02-2012

Re: Being Alone on the Holidays


@Snowpuppy wrote:

Over the years I've had friends where I wasn't invited to a particular gathering because they lived with a very controlling spouse or SO.

 

They would control everything while they were present from who called to who was "allowed" to stop by. All appearances would say they were happy and everything was fine but some of my girlfriends were peace at any price and I saw or heard little from them over the holidays.

 

Most of them said nothing about their circumstances but when we only got together or chatted only when he wasn't home you got a better picture of their lives.

 

So ladies, it truly may have nothing to do with you.


I guess I just do not understand. A husband that would control a wife that much at all, much less at Xmas time to me is terrible. I have an aquaintance, not friend, when we are on the phone, if her husband drives up she will say I have to go now Jerry is home. If we are on the phone she whispers so he cannot hear her. Nobody would ever control me like that when I am living in that house and paying the bills too.