Bad Day - Page 6

BeccaLou · ‎02-09-2016

Catwhisperer, As much as you love him he is little by little changing into a different person, Please!Please! becareful they get stronger and can really hurt you especially when the get sun-downers , he could hurt you very baddly. Please search for some help to take care of him. I've been there and I need you to be safe.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@BirkiLady wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
The topper to today?

I just found out that my best. work friend got a job promotion, and will be moving away.

Naturally, I am happy for him on getting the promotion, but I'm sad that he'll be leaving, and I'll miss him.

@Plaid Pants2 This should be a happy time to plan a celebration and going away party for friends from the company! Yet, you don't look at your friends' promotion as a positive thing in any manner. You are only consumed with yourself and your own misery.

Would suggest YOU seek some counseling to help deal with your anger towards your dad, as well as your dependence upon peers at work as "friends". You need to learn how to interact with people on all levels in life.

BTW: In my post yesterday, I neglected to mention some very basic needs for caring for another person which I'm sure you have not done. These are MORE reasons your dad must be in an Assisted Living facility for HIS SAFETY. He needs a handicapped environment with grab bars placed appropriately in the bathroom, shower and tub. He must have an adult male help him with his showers. He needs his dignity maintained; you are his daughter and cannot be doing that. Is he still showering or bathing alone? If so, far too dangerous! Hopefully, you don't leave him home alone? He needs to have a caregiver around the clock! Dementia patients become unsteady; they often develop neuropathy and other health issues which you haven't any clues about from your post. Is your home free of clutter? No throw rugs which he could trip upon? Does he have a Call Button to 911 to wear if he should fall? Is he able to dress himself? Is his speech or vocabulary affected yet? How? All these things need to be addressed with a Specialist - yet you haven't done anything! I don't understand why you aren't his best health care advocate rather than playing the "put upon daughter" card. You simply aren't prepared emotionally, physically or mentally to handle your father.

Find a good attorney if you are unable or unwilling to make those decisions. Time has wasted away without necessary things in writing. What about his retirement funds? What about his home? Are you living in his home or yours? What about his financial investments? Why haven't you been taking care of these for him? Frankly, I'm appauled and so disappointed in your lack of help. Hopefully, your dad has an attorney to help you. If not, I repeat - FIND A GOOD ATTORNEY and get the help your dad needs now.

I hope you took my advice and made those phone calls for help today. He deserves so much better care for his own safety. If he is a Vet, help could be available through his miilitary service. There are other resources. Contact some of the Assisted Living facilities as I suggested in yesterday's post. Wasting time is hurting HIM. He needs your help now. Not tomorrow. It's beyond me why you haven't read up on dementia and educated yourself about your dad's mental health.

Then, make an appointment for counseling for yourself. You need to know why you haven't done the basic things to help keep your dad safe.

@BirkiLady

There are a lot of assumptions here.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Wheatchick1 · ‎03-10-2010

@BirkiLady wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
The topper to today?

I just found out that my best. work friend got a job promotion, and will be moving away.

Naturally, I am happy for him on getting the promotion, but I'm sad that he'll be leaving, and I'll miss him.

@Plaid Pants2 This should be a happy time to plan a celebration and going away party for friends from the company! Yet, you don't look at your friends' promotion as a positive thing in any manner. You are only consumed with yourself and your own misery.

Would suggest YOU seek some counseling to help deal with your anger towards your dad, as well as your dependence upon peers at work as "friends". You need to learn how to interact with people on all levels in life.

BTW: In my post yesterday, I neglected to mention some very basic needs for caring for another person which I'm sure you have not done. These are MORE reasons your dad must be in an Assisted Living facility for HIS SAFETY. He needs a handicapped environment with grab bars placed appropriately in the bathroom, shower and tub. He must have an adult male help him with his showers. He needs his dignity maintained; you are his daughter and cannot be doing that. Is he still showering or bathing alone? If so, far too dangerous! Hopefully, you don't leave him home alone? He needs to have a caregiver around the clock! Dementia patients become unsteady; they often develop neuropathy and other health issues which you haven't any clues about from your post. Is your home free of clutter? No throw rugs which he could trip upon? Does he have a Call Button to 911 to wear if he should fall? Is he able to dress himself? Is his speech or vocabulary affected yet? How? All these things need to be addressed with a Specialist - yet you haven't done anything! I don't understand why you aren't his best health care advocate rather than playing the "put upon daughter" card. You simply aren't prepared emotionally, physically or mentally to handle your father.

Find a good attorney if you are unable or unwilling to make those decisions. Time has wasted away without necessary things in writing. What about his retirement funds? What about his home? Are you living in his home or yours? What about his financial investments? Why haven't you been taking care of these for him? Frankly, I'm appauled and so disappointed in your lack of help. Hopefully, your dad has an attorney to help you. If not, I repeat - FIND A GOOD ATTORNEY and get the help your dad needs now.

I hope you took my advice and made those phone calls for help today. He deserves so much better care for his own safety. If he is a Vet, help could be available through his miilitary service. There are other resources. Contact some of the Assisted Living facilities as I suggested in yesterday's post. Wasting time is hurting HIM. He needs your help now. Not tomorrow. It's beyond me why you haven't read up on dementia and educated yourself about your dad's mental health.

Then, make an appointment for counseling for yourself. You need to know why you haven't done the basic things to help keep your dad safe.

That is a little bit harsh, don’t you think? While you may make some valid points without knowing the entire picture, perhaps a little compassion would be more helpful. She is in a tough, no win situation. When you are in the eye of the storm a little kindness goes a long way.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

There is nothing like kicking a person when they are down, is there?

@Plaid Pants2pay no attention, you are doing the best that you can, and don't deserve nasty attacks, by people who don't even know you.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Wheatchick1

@cherry

Thank-you for your kind response.

I take my dad grocery shopping, to his doctor's appointments, where I am in the room with him and the doctor, I keep track of his appointments, I cook meals for him, we go out for breakfast/lunch once a week, I make sure that he has things that he needs, and I make sure that he is comfortable and warm. I have bought him things that he wouldn't buy for himself, like new blankets, a floor lamp, sweaters, several flashlights. When the power goes off, I immediately check on him.

We live in the same apartment complex, but in two separate units.

He has his apartment, and I have mine.

We do NOT live together. (I don't know why people keep saying that we do, when we don't, and have said so many, many times)

When my dad could no longer maintain his house, I contacted a realtor, I put the house on the market, with his blessing, I contacted Salvation Army/Good Will to come take stuff. I took pictures of items, and put an ad on Craigslist. I was the one who contacted a junk hauler. I boxed stuff up, I rented a U-Haul and loaded and unloaded the truck.

I am the only family that my dad has that is geographically close to him.

My mother, his wife, died 17 years ago this month. She was the love of his life.

I was the one who drove us down to the Bay Area multiple times during his journey to getting his heart valve replaced.

Hell, I was there for him when he had problems with his prostate.

I now know more about the prostate than I ever thought I would, and I don't even have one!

I have done all of this while holding down a full-time job.

So if others don't like the fact that I am close to my dad who looked out for me, and now, it's my turn to look out for him, then that is there problem, not mine.

So while yes, he can frustrate me at times, and I am sure that I have frustrated him too, in the end, I love him, and maybe those who criticise me wish that they were as close to their father as I am with mine, and had the kind of relationship with their father, that I do with mine.

So, when someone poo-poos me or how I take care of my father, I ignore them, because they obviously don't know what the hell they are talking about, and anything that they say is just blah, blah, blah, nonsense, and is instantly disregarded.

So, @Wheatchick1, how are you doing? Are you feeling better today? I hope that you are.

Blessings to you.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

You might want to mosey over to jewelry and see how she laid into someone ,because they bought a moissonite ring ,and dared to post about how nice it was.

Just like here ,it was an unprovoked attack, for absolutely no reason at all

Wheatchick1 · ‎03-10-2010

Plaid Pants 2 -

Don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are “less than.” It is obvious that you love your father more than anything and will do whatever it takes to see that he is safe and cared for. That can not even be questioned. I think we have a tendency to be our own worst critic and to always feel as if we are somehow falling short. I spend most of my time feeling like a failure where my mother is concerned. I always feel as if I am always falling just short of the mark. But you know your heart, and so does your dear dad. I think it is an honor to know that he has enough faith in you to trust you with this time of his life. So just do the best you can and that will be enough. The one thing that I am coming to realize is that you have to be kind to yourself. I have absolute faith that you will be everything your dad needs.

As for myself, yep, this year is really finishing out to be a pure nightmare. After missing my George desperately I have come to realize that it is not going to get any better and that I simply must come to a place of acceptance that this is just what my reality is. The one thing that gives me comfort is that in our 27 years of marriage I probably have enough memories of 10 lifetimes because we were together much more than the average couple. In a lot of ways I honestly believe that the fact that we didn’t have kids drew us together more than so many couples. It truly was the two of us against the world. We loved each other, but even more importantly - we LIKED each other. We were each other’s essential person. I would like to believe that a little detail like death could not separate what we had. He is my heart, and he certainly is the best part of me. So yes, this year is hard because I can’t fight against it anymore. It just is what is my life.

Of course things might be less difficult if I had heat in the house. We are in a cold snap and the high for the next 4 or 5 days is going to only be in the 20’s. The repair man came first thing this morning to repair my furnace, but due to the fact that is over 20 years old and obsolete they are completely unable to get parts. I really had my fingers crossed, but deep down I think I knew. So on Tuesday morning they will be delivering a new energy efficient heat & AC combo. It is going to cost $5826 and is really going to take a toll on money,but it has to be done. In addition, I am having to put a new roof and gutters on the house and because the roof was around 17 year old insurance will only pay me for the depreciated value. And of course there is the obligatory $1000 deductible. Because of the significant outlay of funds I am probably going to have to sell the house sooner than I was prepared to. I figure though that an energy efficient HVAC system and a new roof will hopefully pay off when I sell the house.

And wouldn’t you know - when I got home from running my errands the garage door opener won’t work and I can’t figure out how to get it to work manually! Honestly, all I can do is shake my head and laugh - my life is so totally ludicrous that even I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t living it.

The worst part is that my feet are cold to the bone even with 2 pair of thick wool socks and a pair of Uggs. It’s gonna be a looong weekend. I will have to unplug the space heater when I go to bed because they stress that you should never leave them unattended. But it will be okay. I took a really beautiful pink and ivory poinsettia to Mother at the nursing home today but she never woke up the entire time I was there. I will go back on Christmas Day however and will be armed with my phone and a Bluetooth speaker. I will play her Jim Nabors Christmas CD and her Gaithers Christmas. I intend to take my tablet with me and I intend to hang out there until she wakes up, no matter how long it takes. I crave every moment that I have with her because I think it will most likely be her last. But her hospice people have told me that without an incident of some sort she could continue as she is for longer than I think.

Hugs to you - I know how frustrating and exhausting things are with your dad right now but try to embrace every single moment you have, no matter how small it may seem. The further he slips away the more important even the smallest thing will feel.

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

I was my dads caregiver for the last 3 years of his life. He had progressive dimentia. I never had a good relationship with my dad but I gave hime everything I could during his last years. It got worse and worse. He never got physical with me or anyone though but his personality definitely changed. Its been 7 years since his death and just now I can think of him without distain. Its certainly been a struggle.

"Pure Michigan"

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@Plaid Pants2-After taking care of my ill parents, I will say it is a hard job. It is emotionally taxing and physically stressful. It's job we do out of duty and love. I learned to pick my battles. All I could do was make sure that they were safe and comfortable and loved.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@BirkiLady wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
The topper to today?

I just found out that my best. work friend got a job promotion, and will be moving away.

Naturally, I am happy for him on getting the promotion, but I'm sad that he'll be leaving, and I'll miss him.

@Plaid Pants2 This should be a happy time to plan a celebration and going away party for friends from the company! Yet, you don't look at your friends' promotion as a positive thing in any manner. You are only consumed with yourself and your own misery.

Would suggest YOU seek some counseling to help deal with your anger towards your dad, as well as your dependence upon peers at work as "friends". You need to learn how to interact with people on all levels in life.

BTW: In my post yesterday, I neglected to mention some very basic needs for caring for another person which I'm sure you have not done. These are MORE reasons your dad must be in an Assisted Living facility for HIS SAFETY. He needs a handicapped environment with grab bars placed appropriately in the bathroom, shower and tub. He must have an adult male help him with his showers. He needs his dignity maintained; you are his daughter and cannot be doing that. Is he still showering or bathing alone? If so, far too dangerous! Hopefully, you don't leave him home alone? He needs to have a caregiver around the clock! Dementia patients become unsteady; they often develop neuropathy and other health issues which you haven't any clues about from your post. Is your home free of clutter? No throw rugs which he could trip upon? Does he have a Call Button to 911 to wear if he should fall? Is he able to dress himself? Is his speech or vocabulary affected yet? How? All these things need to be addressed with a Specialist - yet you haven't done anything! I don't understand why you aren't his best health care advocate rather than playing the "put upon daughter" card. You simply aren't prepared emotionally, physically or mentally to handle your father.

Find a good attorney if you are unable or unwilling to make those decisions. Time has wasted away without necessary things in writing. What about his retirement funds? What about his home? Are you living in his home or yours? What about his financial investments? Why haven't you been taking care of these for him? Frankly, I'm appauled and so disappointed in your lack of help. Hopefully, your dad has an attorney to help you. If not, I repeat - FIND A GOOD ATTORNEY and get the help your dad needs now.

I hope you took my advice and made those phone calls for help today. He deserves so much better care for his own safety. If he is a Vet, help could be available through his miilitary service. There are other resources. Contact some of the Assisted Living facilities as I suggested in yesterday's post. Wasting time is hurting HIM. He needs your help now. Not tomorrow. It's beyond me why you haven't read up on dementia and educated yourself about your dad's mental health.

Then, make an appointment for counseling for yourself. You need to know why you haven't done the basic things to help keep your dad safe.

Where does all this come from? The OP never said her father was at risk. He has dementia and we don't know what stage. You have no idea what the OP knows or doesn't know about her father's health situation. The OP stated that her father cannot afford assisted living. It's not free and is very expensive. Wow.