@Plaid Pants2 Are there other siblings to help? If so, they need to show up immediately and you need a vacation away from your dad.
You also need to contact his PCP and have him diagnosed with specialists for dimentia. This will put you in contact with social workers who will help you with in-home care or placement in Assisted Living Care. Obviously, you are no longer able to care for him alone. You must face reality: for HIS safety, he needs someone who is calm and isn't going to loose it or burst into tears. He is not able, nor does he know what is happening to him. Your reaction does not help him at all. Rather, it creates more havoc in his already very confused mind. Do you have any idea how horrible that must be for him to have you take it personally? You must learn to adapt along with him . . . and your life will become so much easier. Trust me . . . I did it for 14 years. And I never "lost it" or felt close to tears.
To me, it was a gift to be able to help my mom through such a scary time. I wanted to be her best health-care advocate, always be a step ahead of her so she wouldn't ever be alone or frightened, and be so well read that I'd know what to expect before it happened. By arming myself with that education and knowledge, we walked the dimentia path together from the beginning to the end. Mom was pleasant (with the exception of a couple of times with owly nurses). Negative people bring out the aggression in dimensia patients. They are like small children and use negative behaviors to seek the attention they desperately need. They no longer have any other tools to work with. Very frustrating for them.
Anyway, my mom maintained her excellent manners throughout her entire lifetime. She refused to use paper napkins. Yes, I washed, ironed and supplied three napkins a day for her! Good morning, Please, Thank you, May I help you? and You make my life so much easier! were all in her vocabulary until her death in July at age 94. Of course, her memory was almost gone. She couldn't carry on a conversation, but she was pleasant. She WAS frustrated and confided in me about it. I tried to keep her brain active with word games, number games, PT exercises and rides on sunny days. Once she was confined to a wheelchair, we were unable to visit art galleries, parks, my home, favorite restaurants, a hot fudge sundae, and other places she had loved so much. But I would still push her wheelchair outside for long walks and my son has an SUV and was still able to take her for rides on sunny days. They must get outside for the Vit. D from the sun!
Mom lived most of the time in Assisted Living and the last couple of years in Skilled Care. Yes, it was very expensive. However, there were many residents in both places were couldn't afford out-of-pocket payment. You need to contact some of those facilities and work with them. They will help you with the expenses. I have no idea how that works, but it IS very common. I would guess more people are helped financially than pay for their own monthly billing. We were fortunate. Check into it. You owe it to your dad to have him in a safe, secure place with a nursing staff who knows how to interact with him. He deserves a place to provide proper nutrition, hygiene and so much more. Check several out. Some are horrible; some are OK; a few are excellent. We found one or two worthy of placing mom in our opinion. And I visited almost each day. Shifts changes; some of the staff were amazing; others not so great. I caught bedsores, infections and colds before any of the RN's on staff. I made sure they bathed mom when she was supposed to have her whirlpool bathes; she loved them! (Have heard bathes and showers are skipped, especially for government paid residents.) What it he falls? Have you taken courses to care for a patient after a fall? I doubt it. You simply are not prepared to handle him. There is far too much at issue for you to handle properly and safely.
Sorry this jumped all over the place. I'm very tired and don't have the energy to edit it properly. Hope you get the "gist" of my message. I mean well; don't intend to appear harsh.
Don't let time idle. This is too important to let another day pass. Do it now. You will be able to look back on your dad's last months or years and remember them with love, joy and grateful that you were able to make his life so much better. Much better memories. Best wishes and Merry Christmas. 2018 WILL BE BETTER.
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