Among Friends

[Sawn]

I love my dil, and I find being a mil to be a gift. It's this easy - I consider her to be another daughter. I love her so much. My grandson is half of his mama, so what's not to love?

[fourpaws56]

I live with mt DIL,we get along great.Bottom line,it's her home and her children and i do not over-ride what she says/does. Lucky for me she always wants my advice and takes it...love her!

[blackhole99]

Don't give advice and treat them as you  would want to be treated if you were in their shoes.

[LTT1]

My DSIL is fabulous... although he is wary of having a relationship with me (I can tell)... that sounded bad... you know what I mean. LOL

Well, this has more to do with HIS relationship with HIS mom... 

My mom literally badgered my DH for his attention/conversation.  Young men are not "geared" (usually?) to have conversations with their MIL's when they are young.  Their minds are on 1) trying to establish themselves in their careers 2) taking care of their wife and children 3) keeping their jobs  4) managing the families' expenses.  all of this and more (Read Gail Sheehay's book "Passages")

So, I do like I did with my students... I wait and let him come to me when he is in the mood to visit.

[luvdoodles]

I had the "Monster In Law" as a MIL. Very controlling and could go several years without speaking to any of her kids and grandchildren and great grandchildren. She walked out of our daughters christening party and we didn't see her for about 3 years. I decided to put our daughter in a christing gown that I liked rather than the one she picked out. I  think she had mental issues, her husband was an alcoholic and had to deal with him also. She passed away last July. My husband ending up paying for all the funeral expenses and service. She had two other sons, one didn't even show up for the services. I could write a book about the past 30 years of having her as a MIL. She was in her mid 70's when she passed from lung cancer. I hate to say it, but life is much less stressfull now. I know that sounds mean, but unfortunately it is true.

[Susan in California]

I am the child (now a grandmother) of a situation you have described:

My mother could not stand her mother-in-law, who was my paternal grandmother.

My mother said awful things about her and basically never allowed me or my sister

to have much of a relationship with her.  I never knew any better.  My grandmother lived about 15 miles away.

My mother died of ovarian cancer, and I got to know my grandmother after her death.

As an adult, I never could find a reason for this kind of cruelty.  My paternal grandmother never said anything bad about my mother.  All these years, I have come to think that my mother just wanted my dad to herself and was unable to be a loving daugher-in-law. I missed out as a child not knowing my grandmother very well.

My grandmother did have a few "faults", if you want to call them that.  She was very

attached to my dad, she loved movie magazines, and she was sort of silly.  But none of those were reasons to really and truly dislike her.

Over the years I came to realize how sad a situation it was for my dad.  He was able to speak freely about it years later.  After my mother's death, my dad remarried, and my stepmother accepted my father's mother in a very normal way.  I was happy for my dad.

I apologize for this long comment.  I feel for your brother who is caught in the middle, and everyone else affected in the family, obviously including your mother.  It is wonderful that your mother has you.  In my family's case, my dad was an only child.