Are you alone this Thanksgiving? - Page 5

CherryHugs · ‎07-21-2014

Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. —Helen Keller

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@BlueFinch wrote:
@gidgetgh I totally get you. It IS the hardest thing. Btw, sadly, the weird feelings of loss never go away.

We just learn to cope with them better, until a trigger comes along and knocks us off our feet. Holidays can be so beautiful, but also a very emotive time, for many, for multiple reasons.

We all adapt to change, in time, but only at our own pace. There is no quick fix.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Our best company sometimes, can just be ourselves, until we're ready to move forward. Nothing wrong with that.

Do work against letting depression set in though. It's an insidious thing that can sneak up on you and hinder your progress. So enjoy the calorie free day to the fullest.

One day, you'll likely be ready to let some other people in, or start some new activities --- or to explore some new possibilities. Life will still feel different, but a new different can also have rewards, if we let it.

In the meantime --- I'll be watching Hallmark with you :-).

@BlueFinch

I SO wish I had known you years ago when I was dealing with that toxic step mother years ago, after my dad passed.

Being young at the time, we had two young boys and my holidays were spent with her glaring at me over the table because I hadn't refilled one of her guest's glasses.

I wanted so badly for our children to have one grandparent, I bent over backwards.

Still our boys didn't even know where a clean towel was at her house, 35 minutes away!

She wanted my time to serve her cocktail parties over the holidays when I needed that time.

I wish I had stepped through that glass wall earlier.

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

@gidgetgh No worries, thanks for the apology. It takes a special person to do so.

I wasn't trying to be instructional, but I can sound that way, as it was my life's work -- to caregive, teach and instruct. I'm sure it would have sounded different, one to one, over a cup of coffee.

In this case, though, I was simply sharing what I have personally experienced, and learned, with my DH's death and caring for my mom with Alzheimer's for 10 years, plus losing several other family members, in a short period of time. I could strongly relate to your, now deleted, post. So I reached out.

These things leave a mark on the strongest of us. I'm further out from it than you, so I thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts. I was trying to be realistic, but also encouraging.

Stories from patients, friends and family in the same boat have found in many ways, that's it's a universally shared experience in feeling how "hard" these situations are. And, yes, it is a personal journey, but with many shared similarities. It's why I've seen caregiver and loss support groups being very helpful for many.

I hope you continue to make your way on, your journey, feeling strong and proud of how you've handled everything. You should be.

Have a great Christmas, and, I hope 2023 is filled with wonderful things as you move forward. Happy trails, always.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@BlueFinch wrote:
@gidgetgh No worries, thanks for the apology. It takes a special person to do so.

I wasn't trying to be instructional, but I can sound that way, as it was my life's work -- to caregive, teach and instruct. I'm sure it would have sounded different, one to one, over a cup of coffee.

In this case, though, I was simply sharing what I have personally experienced, and learned, with my DH's death and caring for my mom with Alzheimer's for 10 years, plus losing several other family members, in a short period of time. I could strongly relate to your, now deleted, post. So I reached out.

These things leave a mark on the strongest of us. I'm further out from it than you, so I thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts. I was trying to be realistic, but also encouraging.

Stories from patients, friends and family in the same boat have found in many ways, that's it's a universally shared experience in feeling how "hard" these situations are. And, yes, it is a personal journey, but with many shared similarities. It's why I've seen caregiver and loss support groups being very helpful for many.

I hope you continue to make your way on, your journey, feeling strong and proud of how you've handled everything. You should be.

Have a great Christmas, and, I hope 2023 is filled with wonderful things as you move forward. Happy trails, always.

thanks for posting back to me @BlueFinch . I was so sad last night and this morning that I'd overreacted and wasn't nice. It just wasn't my best night obviously.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

@ECBG If I had known you back then, I'm pretty sure I would have tried to pull you out of that rabbit hole.

What an awful situation for you and your children to have to endure. It sounds like you were treated like a servant. That's a picture of the storybook wicked stepmother.

Sounds like you did the best you could at the time to deal with it. Perhaps you were just too young, and resigned to duty, to stand up for yourself.

I wish you could have broken through that glass wall sooner, too, but I bet it eventually made you stronger, if anyone tried to take advantage of you. I hope so.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@gidgetgh

You are so very kind to reach out to me.

I lost my mother emotionally, around age 7; she spent her life in and out of treatment and passed on my 16th birthday. Our dad had taken custody of my DS and I, a year before she past.

The young girl in me couldn't understand why, if I worked so hard, (should I work harder, can I ???)I couldn't make my step mother a mother. At that time she had began social climbing.

Think goodness my beautiful Victorian grandmother whom I spent every weekend with, did her type of value training and molded me but couldn't make me strong.

I lost her when I was 27; she, essentially was my mother.

Many Thanks.

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

@gidgetgh wrote:
@BlueFinch wrote:
@gidgetgh No worries, thanks for the apology. It takes a special person to do so.

I wasn't trying to be instructional, but I can sound that way, as it was my life's work -- to caregive, teach and instruct. I'm sure it would have sounded different, one to one, over a cup of coffee.

In this case, though, I was simply sharing what I have personally experienced, and learned, with my DH's death and caring for my mom with Alzheimer's for 10 years, plus losing several other family members, in a short period of time. I could strongly relate to your, now deleted, post. So I reached out.

These things leave a mark on the strongest of us. I'm further out from it than you, so I thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts. I was trying to be realistic, but also encouraging.

Stories from patients, friends and family in the same boat have found in many ways, that's it's a universally shared experience in feeling how "hard" these situations are. And, yes, it is a personal journey, but with many shared similarities. It's why I've seen caregiver and loss support groups being very helpful for many.

I hope you continue to make your way on, your journey, feeling strong and proud of how you've handled everything. You should be.

Have a great Christmas, and, I hope 2023 is filled with wonderful things as you move forward. Happy trails, always.

thanks for posting back to me @BlueFinch . I was so sad last night and this morning that I'd overreacted and wasn't nice. It just wasn't my best night obviously.

@gidgetgh On the contrary. You are a VERY nice person to even give it a second thought. I truly feel bad that you were being hard on yourself over this issue. These things happen. You stepped up to resolve it. You're awesome. And, we're good :-).