Among Friends

[LilacTree]

Last Sunday we had a small family birthday party for one of my granddaughters.  That morning we texted together with last minute stuff, the four of us, my three daughters and me.

Suddenly the daughter I live with texted something very mean about me.  She must have forgotten I was also in the group.  The conversation really stopped there with everyone realizing that she goofed and no one knowing quite what to say.  (You all know the moral to this story.)

To continue, I was at first very hurt, then angry, then by the time the party was to start that afternoon, I felt quite sick.  I wasn’t sure I could attend the party.  My other two daughters who had been part of the texting session appeared in my room to see how I was.  All they could try to do was reassure me that she really loves me and I must know that.  They started telling me about embarrassing things they themselves have done or had done to them while texting, and we started laughing.  I attended the “Happy Birthday” part of the party, but didn’t stay long, as I really felt weak and sick.

My roommate daughter did not verbally apologize and we have not discussed it.  However, the day after the party, she went out and busted her little butt getting me all the things I needed and taking me to the new PCP I had an appointment with and helping me getting my jacket off and on and, though I told her she didn’t have to sit there with me in the exam room, she stayed with me.

I know my daughter.  This was her way of apologizing to me, and she has continued to be very attentive this whole past week.  I accept her apology, I don’t need or even want her to say “I’m sorry” because I know that she is.

[blackhole99]

@chiclet  I believe it should be family first and then everybody else. If your niece is giving in to her fiance on give and take issues now, what else is he going to ask her to give in on after they are married. I have no problem accepting apologies, but if you screw me over more than once, I won't take anything you say seriously and no doubt will not associate with you. I'm not going to make excuses for family or friends who give me short schrift.

[Bridgegal]

@Chicagosuburbangirl 

I agree and the first thing I thought when I read the wedding invitation situation is that niece needs to learn to stand up for herself and her family.   If she is letting her future husband control something like the guest list to their wedding, she may be in deep trouble.   Forcing her to not invite her aunt so all of his FRIENDS could come????   I don't think so.   Red Flag, IMO.

As for apologizing--- I'm told I apologize too much.  

[Sooner]

I always think if I don't forgive how can I ask to be forgiven?  Like the OP's wedding.  They are expensive, and people have to set limits.  If she still loved me and acted like it, I would give her the gift of continued forgiveness and my continuing love.  Why miss out on that?

That being said, I would like to be more generous and forgiving than I am.  I am working on it, and have come a long way but I am not really there as I should be yet. 

[lovesrecess]

It is rare to hear an apology from someone who bumps into you with their cart in the supermarket....almost hits your car....etc.... I would rather hear an apology from those people than a long, begging apology from someone I know doesn’t mean it or is doing it for show,,,,I feel no reason to accept an apology like that.

[mintedrose]

For me its all about how sincere the apology is. Yes, if someone broke a replaceable item of mine and didnt mean to and apologized, i would forgive. However, if someone treated me badly or wronged me and then apologized then i do not forgive right away. With your situation, there is no excuse for that at all. She's basically making it clear that the husbands family is more important than you are to her.