Among Friends

[persiflage]

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@dogsx3 wrote:

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@CouponQueen wrote:

I am sorry I would not let it go. Everybody said "Mom" wouldn't want them fighting. Well She also wouldn't want one to steal from the other two either. She left them money and they should receive what they are entitled to.

I would call him up or if you are on email terms and ask about the "Real" amount. Say that there must of been an error in previous communication but things like that happen as according to the hospital and documents you have the bills were paid.  That you would appreciate to settle this by going thru the terms of the will that your mother left. You and your sister will be expecting your share of the estate in a short period of time.

I would not allow it to be taken from me either. Especially if it was an amount that would help me significantly and obviously your mother left it to you all three.

I would let him know that you are aware there was a mistake in the hospital bills as they have been paid. But I would not let it go.  As Executor you have a right to the information and he cannot steal from the estate or help himself. An attorney consultation if it comes to that shouldn't be a lot just for a consult to see what approach you have...avenue to take etc.  Good Luck!

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Thank you, yes sadly the amount told to me at start would change my life. thank you, i sent copy to my sister and she also really like what you said. Thank you so much!

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I agree with the advice of CouponQueen.  If you are up to it you should pursue this.  There should to be an accounting of the funds from your mother's estate and all of the expenditures would be shown in detail with supporting documents.  Also, if there is no evidence that your mother had a debt to someone (your brother in this case) it has to be proven by the person making a claim against her estate.  Sorry you are going through this, I hope you all get more than you were expecting. 

[goldensrbest]

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@dogsx3 wrote:

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@CouponQueen wrote:

I am sorry I would not let it go. Everybody said "Mom" wouldn't want them fighting. Well She also wouldn't want one to steal from the other two either. She left them money and they should receive what they are entitled to.

I would call him up or if you are on email terms and ask about the "Real" amount. Say that there must of been an error in previous communication but things like that happen as according to the hospital and documents you have the bills were paid.  That you would appreciate to settle this by going thru the terms of the will that your mother left. You and your sister will be expecting your share of the estate in a short period of time.

I would not allow it to be taken from me either. Especially if it was an amount that would help me significantly and obviously your mother left it to you all three.

I would let him know that you are aware there was a mistake in the hospital bills as they have been paid. But I would not let it go.  As Executor you have a right to the information and he cannot steal from the estate or help himself. An attorney consultation if it comes to that shouldn't be a lot just for a consult to see what approach you have...avenue to take etc.  Good Luck!

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Thank you, yes sadly the amount told to me at start would change my life. thank you, i sent copy to my sister and she also really like what you said. Thank you so much!

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I agree with what couponqueen said,don't let your brother get away with this.

[jacnit]

Are you the exectress?? if so you should have a copy of everything!!!  Too long of a story to go into but I went thru theft by my siblings of my parents money and it was a substantial amount..it was in an Irrevocable Family Trust which is the highest secure way of leaving your money supposedly but even at that if the person is charge doesn't keep their hand out of the cookie jar...listen, I had Family Trust Litigation Attorneys..very good ones and the bottom line after one year and getting as much paperwork we could get from them was this: you would have to file a lawsuit, you go to court..you spend more money and you're lucky if you walk away with enough to take a trip to the amusement park...YOU have the burden to prove it and he can refuse and stall, etc and probably would do that..in the end we settled and I basically got all my legal fees back plus my very small VERY small inheritance..I could have bought a home..all of us 5 kids could have with what my parents had but by the time she got done stealing & I caught on it was almost gone..I'm telling you this because I've been down that road..hiring an attorney for a small amount of money is not worth the stress, the destruction of all family members as you know it now,etc...I'd take whatever is left and walk away..it's simply not worth it.

[tiny 2]

Did he have POA to handle her affairs prior to her death? In my state they are entitled to a certain monthly percentage for the service. My brother manages my mother's affairs but does not take anything. He uses her funds for her care. We have agreed that he should take this from her estate when she passes.He deserves it and then some. Knowing him I doubt he will take anything. He discusses everything with us though before making decisions and he is an honorable man.

[qvcfreak]

Tell him that you have proof that all that hospital bills were paid by insurance and it appears the hospital swindled you and that you need to hire a lawyer.  Lets see if he gets scared and comes clean and maybe makes up some story that he got it cleared and now has the money. Who knows, it may work. Good Luck

[Deanie]

@occasionalrain  That would be my MO also. because it is theft.

Had the same thing happen when my inlaws passed.  It was ugly.  Seven siblings and the 'relationships' disintegrated.  However, that was not the case when my Mother passed.  My sister and I agreed and split up everything.  She got more but that was OK because she was near by Mom and visited her regularly.  The only thing we fought about was, believe it or not, her recipe book. Go figure.

[Isobel Archer]

When my father died, he was divorced from his second wife.  His two children by her were 16 and 14.  I was 28.  So I became executor of his estate.  His brother went ballistic.  He had already sold two of the cars (Dad owned a garage and a bar) and  pocketed the money (he was NOT a partner and had no legal right to do what he did.)  

My mother filed for back child support (Dad had never paid anything despite a court order so she was legally entitled to the support plus interest.)  This sent my sisters (no doubt egged on by their uncle) into a frenzy and they ultimately (with their uncle's help) hired an attorney to sue me.

So on the one hand, I had my mother calling me (I lived in another state) every day demanding her money and on the other threats and accusations from my sisters and uncle.

Finally, I settled with them - giving up my share of the estate (which was substantial) in return for my mother getting her money.

Yes I am well aware I did not have to do that, but it was just all too ugly and stressful.

In the end, my sisters still think I cheated them and my mother was never in the least appreciative either (my relationship with her is a whole other story - she claimed I ruined her life by being born etc. etc.)

So yes I have experienced the joys of "family" in times of death and greed.

[ScarletDove]

Yes, I have had trouble with this kind of thing--it was just my sister and I, after my father died, we found my mother had some dementia problems, dad protected her.....(sister is 14 yrs older and viewed life different than I.  Her only son was killed in a plane crash in 1985 and her way of handling his loss was to eliminate emotionality for others but not for herself. The most important thing evolved from her loss was obsessiveness for "things"; antiques, rugs, jewelry, money, all "things" became more important than people.)  My sister lives in UK, I live in MD, my parents in FL.  I found out much later after parents died, when sister and BIL had visited my dad and mother, she went through moms jewelry box and my dads possessions and took what she wanted or convinced my mother for it without being obvious.  After her death when I mentioned not seeing or finding certain items she was silent. As I probed and asked if she knew anything she lied when I found she had taken certain jewelry items and other things from their home without my knowledge.  Once I realized she lied I knew I could no longer trust her and I was right.  Interesting, when I confronted her and her lies, she folded into an emotional heap.  This was the beginning of messy dealings with my mothers estate since her husband was a lawyer and I was not a lawyer. My BIL had been handling everything after my dad died (as my dad wanted) and I blindly trusted him and her until I found sister lied about family items; then, when I started asking questions and wanted to see receipts, the atmosphere changed and she and he got defensive and somewhat hostile.  At that point, it was no longer about my mother and father, it was about what and how things they left were handled.  I stood my ground, me against the 2 of them and I made them be as transparent as I had been--they liked my transparency but wanted to keep it just me being transparent. My sister and I threw verbal ugliness back and forth. My BIL and I challenged each other in a more professional verbal and written manner. I said things I never expected to say and they never expected me to say, although when the guilty is confronted verbally, it is interesting how they react when caught!  It is amazing what some people, even family will do to get money into their pocket and not your pocket. Trust gone, I do not have much of a relation with my sister; I asked her years ago to come visit me (sans BIL) and we would discuss the entire situation, otherwise our sisterhood was done. She never responded!

I will highly advise you to question anything that you need to question. 

[goldensrbest]

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@Isobel Archer wrote:

When my father died, he was divorced from his second wife.  His two children by her were 16 and 14.  I was 28.  So I became executor of his estate.  His brother went ballistic.  He had already sold two of the cars (Dad owned a garage and a bar) and  pocketed the money (he was NOT a partner and had no legal right to do what he did.)  

My mother filed for back child support (Dad had never paid anything despite a court order so she was legally entitled to the support plus interest.)  This sent my sisters (no doubt egged on by their uncle) into a frenzy and they ultimately (with their uncle's help) hired an attorney to sue me.

So on the one hand, I had my mother calling me (I lived in another state) every day demanding her money and on the other threats and accusations from my sisters and uncle.

Finally, I settled with them - giving up my share of the estate (which was substantial) in return for my mother getting her money.

Yes I am well aware I did not have to do that, but it was just all too ugly and stressful.

In the end, my sisters still think I cheated them and my mother was never in the least appreciative either (my relationship with her is a whole other story - she claimed I ruined her life by being born etc. etc.)

So yes I have experienced the joys of "family" in times of death and greed.

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Sounds like your whole family was not very good people.

[walkingal]

@dogsx3 All the more reason to pursue it.  I would still get an attorney.  And good luck.