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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,365
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?


@Desert Lily wrote:

After being retired for 20-25 years, people go through their savings. Things around the house and cars have to be replaced. Medical expenses can eat savings away quickly. The cost of living rises, but income remains the same. When my father died, his pension stopped, and all my mom had was SS. I bought my mother all of her clothes and did large grocery shopping for her every other week. I bought her towels, new dishes, linens, a reclining chair, throws, a new refrigerator, etc. over a period of years. I cut and colored her hair when she didn't want to go out. I tried to do whatever would make her last years more comfortable. I wanted to help her and couldn't have done it any other way and feel good about myself. My oldest sibling sent her money so she could go out to dinner somtimes or visit family. My mom passed away this last summer, and I just wish I could have done more for her.


Your mom was very lucky to have you. You saw a need and filled it with a happy heart.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,631
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

My MIL lived off us and SAVED her SS (unbeknownst to us) for YEARS.

 

She enjoyed her dependence. 

 

We used her "savings" for her last year's care.

 

Sad all around.

 

MY mother was a frugal manager, and the almost a million that she had saved throughout my dad's work years took care of her for the almost 5 1/2 years she lived in residential care.

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,400
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

My 94 year old mother refuses to take any money from me or my brother. She has sufficient savings but counts every penny. She has forgone certain comforts in the name of frugality. She spends almost all of her time at home but has only basic cable because she saves a few dollars every month. I would buy her the extras but she would be furious and would cancel them. It is very frustrating because she can afford a few more creature comforts but refuses to spend the money and does not accept my offers to help out,

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,712
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?


@Desertdi wrote:

And just look at Tom Selleck...........stooping to selling commercials about reverse mortgages.................................


@Desertdi

 

Stooping ??      Reverse mortgages are an excellent tool to manage retirement finances, and government regulated, obvously.

 

Not everyone saved large percentages of money during lifetimes where there was never any serious illnesses and nothing unforseen happened  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,712
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?


@sissel wrote:

Just adding into elderly parents driving which my 90yr FIL still doing it plus want to say my DH & SIL have to give him monthly checks to pay his bills. He never saved a cent, thought soc sec would take care of him well NO so we have to send him monthly checks to pay his bills. Reversed his mortgage at 65yrs but the checks stopped now, so we got to help him out. When MIL died DH & his sister had to pay for funeral also when he goes same thing. My parents were so organized had funeral money account made it easier for me & brother. Why do some parents don't care, live a life style the can't afford & don't care? Their kids have to pay the toll.


@sissel

 

Just wondering if all these elderly still have their wits about them ....  many could have diminished capacity.  JMO

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,643
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@Desertdi wrote:

And just look at Tom Selleck...........stooping to selling commercials about reverse mortgages.................................


@Desertdi

 

Stooping ??      Reverse mortgages are an excellent tool to manage retirement finances, and government regulated, obvously.

 

Not everyone saved large percentages of money during lifetimes where there was never any serious illnesses and nothing unforseen happened  



@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@Desertdi wrote:

And just look at Tom Selleck...........stooping to selling commercials about reverse mortgages.................................


@Desertdi

 

Stooping ??      Reverse mortgages are an excellent tool to manage retirement finances, and government regulated, obvously.

 

Not everyone saved large percentages of money during lifetimes where there was never any serious illnesses and nothing unforseen happened  


@Tinkrbl44      What I meant was......Are we supposed to believe an actor with zillions of bucks is recommending this??????    It's kind of incongruous......

♥Surface of the Sun♥
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,712
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

@Desertdi

 

IMO, Selleck's net worth is meaningless   He isn't saying that he, personally,  has a reverse mortgage.   It's a commercial.  Selleck is a good spokeperson for this because he probably has a high level of credibility in that age group.   Before Selleck, Henry Winkler was doing them.   

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,285
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

[ Edited ]

The retirement home my mom lived in was very nice but also affordable. Mom was always very financially responsible. She had her own room but there were a number of residents that had to share a room for financial reasons. One of these residents was 100 and had raised 19 children. She had a large extended family. I could never understand why her many family members couldn't have pitched in $10 a month so she could have her own room. This really bothered my mom. I assured her that her children would always make sure she had her privacy.

 

Her income covered the basics which did escalate in cost as her health declined, so I bought her nice shower and hair products and accessories like scarves and jewelry so she would feel "dressed." She never left her room without her hair combed and lipstick on. She actually inspired some of the other ladies to take a bit more pride in their appearance and even the staff commented on how she brought some of the ladies back to life. I am thankful my siblings and I were able to contribute to her happiness because she had many sleepless nights worrying about how to feed and clothe us. I am doing all I can to live responsibly and never be a drain on my children.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,960
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

Not really money... because my Mom refuses to take it. But I will buy and show up with groceries, dog food, or other items needed that she will eventually have to buy. She is ill and most of her money goes to medical bills. 

 

So yes, I feel we should help if we are able. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,420
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

My in-laws did not contribute a nickel toward my husband's education yet they made it perfectly clear once he had a successful career, it was his duty as a son to buy them a home. He paid their mortgage and utilities.

 

So yes, we had to give money to (not necessarily)  elderly parents.