Anyone else have a husband who isn't social? - Page 5

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

@ROMARY wrote:
I'm not much of a social person at group events. Maybe because I don't ask any questions. I do believe that asking people questions is a conversation starter. Ask them about 'this and that'. ............ But, we are very social regarding our neighbors/neighborhood. Walking around, chatting with 'this person and that person'. Takes a couple of hours by the time we're through chatting with everyone on a given day. Everyone around here thinks we are so very social, lol.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

My husband tends to be quiet. He's also a bit of an introvert (he's a retired engineer too) and I had certain expectations for when he retired. While we have some couple friends I had hoped that we could meet new people too.

I realize that we're not always going to live in this large 2 story (3 if you count the basement where I work) home and it would be nice when we decide to move and downsize to be able to make new friends.

The biggest problem is that he's now disabled. He has an autoimmune brain illness and speaks with a slur, has balance issues and has been extremely strict with his diet which is almost everything when going out to a restaurant or eating in someone's home. This makes socializing with others very difficult and particulalry difficult trying to meet new people. I am hesitant to move. Let's just say I'm very comfortable here.

This Saturday coming up we plan on going out to dinner with some friends but I have to search for a new "acceptable" restaurant since we're tired of the few that we've been going to.

I do often go out on my own and meet up with girlfriends. I told him that I just might join a women's travel group to do so traveling if he can't go.

winamac1 · ‎12-29-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@Reever wrote:
I feel men are anti-social in general. I once heard Dan Hughes say he just wanted to spend his day off in a barn. For goodness sake what kind of person would want to sit around all day in a smelly barnhouse ?
I disagree. Most of the men I know are very social.

I think men, overall, ARE less social than women. I do know many men who are social, but it's not as common as women.

Once married, the norm isn't for men to hang around with another group of men. Yes, I know men take "guys" trips, but once married...this is not as common. Women, even if married, still make it a priority to take "girls' trips", have monthly dinners with a few friends, meet a friend for a drink, go to a movie with a friend, etc.

I do think women, generally, are more social. Sure, there are many introverted women, but I do think though many men are not introverts, per se, they still are not as social. They certainly do not appear to talk on the phone with guy friends as much as women talk on the phone with their girl friends.

This has been my observation.

"friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel"

newname0 · ‎06-20-2015

My husband is social when he goes to work and does business related activities. Ohterwise at home he is a clam.

I am retired and wish we could do couple things together but he is still working part time and likes the activity on the job. When we do things together it is usually shopping and walking trails.

I wish we could do more socializing but he strictly watches his diet and doesn't like overeating. I suppose traveling would help but I don't like air flight so now with us it's just a little bit of this and a little bit of that but I am trying to find new activites we can do together. We have a few couple friends we go out with once every three months but it's always restaurants and eating.

We do go to Church but have not participated in many events except maybe a Church picnic.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I would not force him to have to do things he doesn't want to do - like inviting people over when he doesn't want to. However, there is no reason why you can't go out with your friends and have a good time while he stays home.Often my DH goes out with his pals while I stay home or I go out with girlfriends while he stays home. Honestly, it's a win/win. I bet once he figures out he can't dictate to you that you have to stay home and entertain him - he will decide to start taking you out places.

Honestly , I believe this is just a type of controlling behavior and it is best to NEVER allow anyone to control you. That is a power you never want to give anyone. You can only be controlled if you allow it - so don't.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

Our church has breakfast after early service every week. you can get fruit cup , oatmeal,eggs with bacon or sausage and toast or egg sandwiches or waffles. My diabetic DH usually can have an egg sandwich and some fruit(usually melons) and I always have the oatmeal and fruit. They do a good job of accomadating various diets.Offer low salt etc.

wildcat fan · ‎03-23-2010

@Reever wrote:
I feel men are anti-social in general. I once heard Dan Hughes say he just wanted to spend his day off in a barn. For goodness sake what kind of person would want to sit around all day in a smelly barnhouse ?

I disagree. My husband often makes arrangements for us to attend social events and he goes out to lunch all the time with people from work, church, community. He's a social butterfly!

As for the barn comment, I'd love to spend a day in a barn! Not all barns are smelly. My parents have two climate controlled barns. Dad has set up a workshop in one. There's even a big flatscreen TV in it. IMO there's nothing wrong with choosing to spend time on one's farm, with one's animals, or out in nature.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@winamac1 wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@Reever wrote:
I feel men are anti-social in general. I once heard Dan Hughes say he just wanted to spend his day off in a barn. For goodness sake what kind of person would want to sit around all day in a smelly barnhouse ?
I disagree. Most of the men I know are very social.
I think men, overall, ARE less social than women. I do know many men who are social, but it's not as common as women.

Once married, the norm isn't for men to hang around with another group of men. Yes, I know men take "guys" trips, but once married...this is not as common. Women, even if married, still make it a priority to take "girls' trips", have monthly dinners with a few friends, meet a friend for a drink, go to a movie with a friend, etc.

I do think women, generally, are more social. Sure, there are many introverted women, but I do think though many men are not introverts, per se, they still are not as social. They certainly do not appear to talk on the phone with guy friends as much as women talk on the phone with their girl friends.

This has been my observation.

My observations are the opposite. Nearly all the men I have known are social. Some of the women are, but many are not.

What I was responding to, though, was the contention that "men are anti-social in general". In my experience that is far too much of a generalization and absolutely not true. It wasn't about men vs. women, but rather that men are anti-social by nature, and I absolutely disagree.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@makeupmama wrote:
I love being around people and socializing once in a while. My husband has nobody he socializes with, no friends in this town we've lived in for 5 years, and has no desire for any. I have friends at work, but most of our socializing happens at work. I feel lonely for friends and get togethers with other couples like we used to do years ago. I have tried asking him if we can have people over for a barbecue or something but he says he doesn't know anyone in this town and doesn't want to do anything. He's content hanging out at home with me and our children and nobody else. The people he works with mostly live in other towns and they go home to their families after work, so that's not an option. I guess I feel like everyone else has a social life and people in their lives to hang out with once in a while....but we don't. I go to church, but he won't go with me. Most church get togethers are mostly couples and it's church couples that do stuff together. Does anyone else have this situation in their live, and if so, how to you handle it?

@Pinkandblue

I don't know what he was like when you were dating, but your description is the perfect assessment of an INTROVERT. Read up on it. He doesn't ask you to stop wanting to socialize .... so why are you trying to change him. Also read a little about yourself ... an EXTROVERT.

If you want to be around people, nothing is really stopping you, is there? Sounds to me like you need to get involved in other activities, and stop expecting him to do things he has no interest in. JMO

Pinkandblue · ‎04-17-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@makeupmama wrote:
I love being around people and socializing once in a while. My husband has nobody he socializes with, no friends in this town we've lived in for 5 years, and has no desire for any. I have friends at work, but most of our socializing happens at work. I feel lonely for friends and get togethers with other couples like we used to do years ago. I have tried asking him if we can have people over for a barbecue or something but he says he doesn't know anyone in this town and doesn't want to do anything. He's content hanging out at home with me and our children and nobody else. The people he works with mostly live in other towns and they go home to their families after work, so that's not an option. I guess I feel like everyone else has a social life and people in their lives to hang out with once in a while....but we don't. I go to church, but he won't go with me. Most church get togethers are mostly couples and it's church couples that do stuff together. Does anyone else have this situation in their live, and if so, how to you handle it?

@Pinkandblue

I don't know what he was like when you were dating, but your description is the perfect assessment of an INTROVERT. Read up on it. He doesn't ask you to stop wanting to socialize .... so why are you trying to change him. Also read a little about yourself ... an EXTROVERT.

If you want to be around people, nothing is really stopping you, is there? Sounds to me like you need to get involved in other activities, and stop expecting him to do things he has no interest in. JMO

@Tinkrbl44

He was quite social when we were dating and first 10yrs of marriage, as I indicated and explained in my initial post. Your last paragraph was quite presumptuous, but I will let it go. So many others have responded with such kind and helpful words.