Anyone else have a husband who isn't social?

Pinkandblue · ‎04-17-2010

I love being around people and socializing once in a while. My husband has nobody he socializes with, no friends in this town we've lived in for 5 years, and has no desire for any. I have friends at work, but most of our socializing happens at work. I feel lonely for friends and get togethers with other couples like we used to do years ago. I have tried asking him if we can have people over for a barbecue or something but he says he doesn't know anyone in this town and doesn't want to do anything. He's content hanging out at home with me and our children and nobody else. The people he works with mostly live in other towns and they go home to their families after work, so that's not an option. I guess I feel like everyone else has a social life and people in their lives to hang out with once in a while....but we don't. I go to church, but he won't go with me. Most church get togethers are mostly couples and it's church couples that do stuff together. Does anyone else have this situation in their live, and if so, how to you handle it?

fortune · ‎03-14-2010

@makeupmama wrote:
I love being around people and socializing once in a while. My husband has nobody he socializes with, no friends in this town we've lived in for 5 years, and has no desire for any. I have friends at work, but most of our socializing happens at work. I feel lonely for friends and get togethers with other couples like we used to do years ago. I have tried asking him if we can have people over for a barbecue or something but he says he doesn't know anyone in this town and doesn't want to do anything. He's content hanging out at home with me and our children and nobody else. The people he works with mostly live in other towns and they go home to their families after work, so that's not an option. I guess I feel like everyone else has a social life and people in their lives to hang out with once in a while....but we don't. I go to church, but he won't go with me. Most church get togethers are mostly couples and it's church couples that do stuff together. Does anyone else have this situation in their live, and if so, how to you handle it?

@Pinkandblue

How long have you been married to him? Is this a new behavior? Was he like this before you married him? Seems like you need to talk to him. It's not fair that he is the one deciding on your social life. In a marriage, both people should contribute to the happiness of the other--not just do only what THEY want to do. Maybe it's time for marriage counseling! Good luck and HUGS!!!

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I don't have your situation but I know women who do. For the most part they simply make friends on their own and go out socially without the husband with their friends. In Florida there are a lot of opportuinities for single women to have other single women friends because there are many widows.You don't say how old you are but that you still have children.If I were you I'd start taking my kids to activities like sports etc where you will meet other parents.

You can't change him - only yourself.

winamac1 · ‎12-29-2010

My husband is an engineer and is an introvert. I am an ambivert. I am in sales, and I'm super extroverted when doing my job. Other than that, I don't like being with big groups of people. Sometimes, it can be a challenge with a total introvert, but in my case...it overall works. Good luck.

One thing I've learned....I can't change people.

"friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel"

Pinkandblue · ‎04-17-2010

@fortune wrote:

@Pinkandblue

How long have you been married to him? Is this a new behavior? Was he like this before you married him? Seems like you need to talk to him. It's not fair that he is the one deciding on your social life. In a marriage, both people should contribute to the happiness of the other--not just do only what THEY want to do. Maybe it's time for marriage counseling! Good luck and HUGS!!!

@fortune

We've been married for 17 years. He was very social when we were first married, when he was in a different career that lent itself naturally to a whole lot of social activities. It was great. About 7 years ago, he had a career change and had no interest in anything anymore. I have talked to him, but it doesn't help.

nana59 · ‎05-12-2012

My husband is way too social.....talk talk talk. I used to be, but not anymore. I'm all socialed out!!

Pinkandblue · ‎04-17-2010

@winamac1 wrote:
My husband is an engineer and is an introvert. I am an ambivert. I am in sales, and I'm super extroverted when doing my job. Other than that, I don't like being with big groups of people. Sometimes, it can be a challenge with a total introvert, but in my case...it overall works. Good luck.

One thing I've learned....I can't change people.

Very good point about not changing people. I guess where I struggle is he used to be social when he had his previous job, and it's changed so much.

fortune · ‎03-14-2010

@makeupmama wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@Pinkandblue
How long have you been married to him? Is this a new behavior? Was he like this before you married him? Seems like you need to talk to him. It's not fair that he is the one deciding on your social life. In a marriage, both people should contribute to the happiness of the other--not just do only what THEY want to do. Maybe it's time for marriage counseling! Good luck and HUGS!!!

@fortune
We've been married for 17 years. He was very social when we were first married, when he was in a different career that lent itself naturally to a whole lot of social activities. It was great. About 7 years ago, he had a career change and had no interest in anything anymore. I have talked to him, but it doesn't help.

@Pinkandblue

It sounds like he's depressed. A career change could have made a big difference in his life. Can you make an appointment with a doctor and ask him to go along with you? Don't let him know you're going for him! I'd talk to the doctor first and then arrange it. Maybe you could say that the doctor says you need to be accompanied by your husband for certain tests he wants you to take.

Good luck. Looks like he might need the help of a professional, but isn't about to arrange this for himself. That's what wives often have to do. . .

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

My husband and I both had jobs where we were around the public every day and did socialize some on our days off. Now that we are retired we are very selective about who we want to spend our precious time with. I must say we have even turned down family gatherings lately. Other than visiting our son once or twice a month and holidays, we just don't want to be bothered.

CareBears · ‎08-30-2015

I would actually say that my husband and I are both not very social, we just like hanging at home with each other more than anything.

We do not have a large social circle as family and friends over the years have moved away, so I guess we just got used to spending time alone, and now we prefer it.