Among Friends

[proudlyfromNJ]

My husband gets together with his friends about every other night at his different clubs. American Legion, Elks club, etc. he is much more social than I am. My friends and family are a distance away except for the ones who passed away. We make it work.

[NanaS]

You are describing MY LIFE!   Been married 56 years.  I have set out doing my own thing...I have traveled.....joined different groups, etc...   You have to make a life for yourself.  If he doesnt want to socialize that doesnt mean you shouldnt.  I do a lot of things alone, even go to church alone .  Its a different kind of life but it works for me.

[Evie2004]

I have been thinking of this a lot lately, we retired a few years ago, now realizing how much of our social life revolved around both of our work-related events, he was always the life of the party, so to speak.

Now it seems if I don't plan events, call friends, etc, he is perfectly happy being at home, reading, watching tv, & checking his I-pad, usually at the same time! Boy Scouts & son-related sports were his primary activities years ago. He is willing & able to go out, whenever I mention doing something, & he wants it to be JUST US  except for having my sister join us, 2 of my better friends are becoming less active physically & rarely want to go out.

I'm NOT concerned about dementia or any physical problems with him..I just can't seem to get him "re-socialized" is that even a word? I guess the answer to this is what I typed earlier "perfectly happy"  just needed to reread it! I almost cancelled my post, but feel better just reading it, realizing I am not alone in this! 

[Sue in cincinnati]

I don't think that makeupmama wants to change her husband or

make him do anything he doesn't want to do.  But I understand how

she wants to feel part of a couple, and that often involves socializing.

Throughout much of our marriage, my husband worked odd shifts,

long hours, etc... that prevented us from doing things as a couple

(even though he has always been a social person).  His friends

were his co-workers ,who lived in other communities.  

Realized that I've spent a major part of our long marriage alone. 

I have created a life apart from my husband, with friends and activities.

This makes me a little sad, because it would be nice to do things as

a couple. But with his failing health, it is often physically impossible

for him to participate;  also he rarely wants to go out now.  

Luckily, I have a nice group of friends to do things with, and I am also

comfortable going to events, movies, etc...alone.  My husband and I

have an understanding:  he stays at home yet accepts that I need

to be out amongst other people.  Look around for activities with other

women:  maybe a Bible Study group at church,  a volunteer group

at your kids' school,  craft classes at the local hobby store,  joining

a swim club, etc...  - I'll bet you can come up with your own list of

places/activities to create your own social life! 

[winamac1]

---

@Sue in cincinnati wrote:

I don't think that makeupmama wants to change her husband or

make him do anything he doesn't want to do.  But I understand how

she wants to feel part of a couple, and that often involves socializing.

Throughout much of our marriage, my husband worked odd shifts,

long hours, etc... that prevented us from doing things as a couple

(even though he has always been a social person).  His friends

were his co-workers ,who lived in other communities.  

Realized that I've spent a major part of our long marriage alone. 

I have created a life apart from my husband, with friends and activities.

This makes me a little sad, because it would be nice to do things as

a couple. But with his failing health, it is often physically impossible

for him to participate;  also he rarely wants to go out now.  

Luckily, I have a nice group of friends to do things with, and I am also

comfortable going to events, movies, etc...alone.  My husband and I

have an understanding:  he stays at home yet accepts that I need

to be out amongst other people.  Look around for activities with other

women:  maybe a Bible Study group at church,  a volunteer group

at your kids' school,  craft classes at the local hobby store,  joining

a swim club, etc...  - I'll bet you can come up with your own list of

places/activities to create your own social life! 

---

I, too, have gone to movies alone on a weekend day if I want to see something and no one else wants to.  I have no problem doing that.  I haven't gone to movies alone, though, at night.

I have no problem eating alone either.  Again, not often for dinner--unless I"m out of town on business.  But, lunch...no problem at all eating alone.  I'm comfortable by myself at times, and I actually like it at times! 

[sgraham30]

My late husband was too social. If we were somewhere together & I was ready to leave, he wasn't so I'd go find somewhere where I could sit & wait for him.

[Group 5 minus 1]

Enjoying very much reading this. Neither one of us are even a little bit social. When I met DH he named some 'punishments' and one of them was the office Christmas Party. Other ones had to do w/social things and I thought where had he been hiding himself?

[Naki-Poo]

I have the same thing. I think it stems from being too close to your family, or too many close siblings that they really do not need friends. I was told that once I married into the family 30 yrs ago, they said they did not need anyone other then themselves, I think that this is wrong, you need to spread your love for others and then share your life with others too. my husband has a job he is never home before 8pm, goes in at 4 on the road, on weekends he putts around the house unless i invite him to ladies functions where men are allowed at he will never go.  he said he is happy not to have any men around me.

oh well......

[Naki-Poo]

dont worry too much about this, most men are not social butterflies, i have been married 30 yrs and my husband likes to be home with the dogs and the cats and watch tv.. he does not need much of anyone else he says and he is contented to where we just go to dinner with one other couple a few times a month but thats about it, i know its disapointing not to have others over but thats the way it is.

be happy he is with you instead of being in a bar with some slutty old or young woman with big boobs.. having an affair. then you will really want him home!!!

[Mom2Dogs]

I am much more social than my husband....sadly my two best friends have moved many states away, another friend winters in Florida, and the other still works and has a difficult schedule.

We do not have any couple friends....husband cound not talk his away out of a paper bag, sigh, he is very quiet, has gotten more so as we have gotten older, I don't like it but not much I can do.