Anxiety in the elderly - Page 4

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

I went through this for many years, while my Mom was around it was not as bad, Mom passed away in late 2014, I would speak to dad several times a day. My husband has hip surgery and recurring issues much of last year since they dad called in the morning and mid afternoon and at 5 to see if my other half was home. This went on for 10 months until he passed away on Christmas eve.

It was not like he lived far, we saw him every other night, and when DH was not well I continued to make him dinner, I would Uber back and forth he lived close.

He had a habit of calling over and over again until he got us, I am not sure he realized that I could see he was trying to reach us.

I somewhat understood his concern but at times he was rather smothering

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

MarkeieMark · ‎06-24-2012

wrote:
She's 95..... You need to accept that at 95 she isn't going to handle things like a 55 year old. Her lifelong anxiety isn't even an issue at this stage of her life, you are expecting too much from her. It's not at all uncommon for for the very elderly to be anxious and fearfull.

One thousand percent.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I certainly understand anxiety in the elderly. My husband is 75 and refuses to accept the specialists’ diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, which killed his grandmother at 63. I have my share of worries. The difference, however, is that my mother creates scenarios of dread and horror based on nothing but an unanswered phone. My concerns are based on real events, including my two cancers, my husband’s cancer and Alzheimer’s diagnosis, surgeries, etc.

I try to live my life day by day, not focusing on the bad stuff, but my mother is the opposite, even if there’s no evidence that points to a crisis. I have to argue with her about pushing myself in PT, returning to workouts, planning vacations with my husband while there is still time. She would rather I stay home, protected from the slings and arrows of the world. It’s rather a miracle that I grew up a normal human. I did graduate from high school at 16, went off to college, and never went back, even though my relationship with Mom has remained strong.

sann · ‎05-30-2012

Take all of her medications to her physican for review.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I think when you live that long, no matter how sharp or what good shape you or your relatives think you are in, you're still 95. I know if I wasn't thinking clearly and couldn't remember things, I'd be anxious too.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@Vivian

I can personally relate to the 1st word in the title of this thread. In the mid 1990's, I was hospitalized in a mental ward, and diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression. Fortunately Medication and on going regular therapy sessions have helped me to get this mostly under control. Will consider myself as "recovering(not cured)" for the rest of my life.

I read your post and was looking for what type of treatment your mother has had for this over the 70 years you mentioned. While I know that many, many decades ago, these types of issues were attributed to one's character/lack strength to fight it, and all types of personal negative terms.

However it also has been several decades where successful treatment has been available to those who seek help. Nothing about recovering was pleasant, but when focused only on the end result, many have and can do so successfully.

If your mother has lived to this ripe older age, and all but those 25 years were spent anything like the " Black Hole" of life I experienced? Your mother is one very strong person. Had I not sought help in recovering, I wouldn't want to live any more years than I was at the time.

I wish you/your mother and family the best.

hckynut(john)

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

I am in complete sympathy with your situation, and totally understand your mother's anxiety.

I am 25 years younger than your mother, but was recently diagnosed with an auto immune disorder. It has created anxiety in an otherwise mild mannered, never worry, carefree individual. I went through cancer and all that entailed without a hitch, but this has thrown me for a loop.

In my case serious weakness is involved , so I feel vulnerable. With a 95 year old the fear of being alone, vulnerable, helpless is probably overwhelming.

When I was first diagnosed, my DH couldn't even leave the room and I would feel panicky. I was driving him nuts. The anxiety and fear has been brought under good control.

Besides medication, he tells me where he is going even if it is to the bathroom.

When he does the grocery shopping, he will call about halfway through and say " I'll be home in one hour." These things have helped. As long as I know where he is and how long he will be, I am okay.. None of it makes sense to him or to me, but he accommodates me to make both our lives easier.

Perhaps you can cut down the number of your mother's calls by keeping her informed of your whereabouts and the approximate time she can expect to hear from you again. It is inconvenient, but will ease her mind and make things a little easier for you.

As for your brother, he should be ashamed of himself. Best of everything for you and your family.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I think I have tried just about everything that was recommended here. I appreciate everyone’s taking the time to advise and share experiences. My mother gave me permission to speak to her doctors, which I have done countless times. I recommended therapy (that went over like a lead balloon). We talked about medication and meditation. As they say in Brooklyn, «Foggeddaboudit.»

My mother has become more forgetful, even though she is still sharp, so even if I tell her the night before that I have an early morning appointment, she panics if, in her mind, she thinks something horrific has happened to me because she cannot reach me. Now I send her a monthly schedule, in writing. However, now that my fake knee is getting better and my infection is under control, I want to go out and about. If I neglect to report in, my mother can literally have a stroke. There’s just so much I can do, being many miles away and going through some seriously stressful health-related events in my own life. That proverbial rock and hard place are closing me in.

Jackhound Mom · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivianwrote:
I think I have tried just about everything that was recommended here. I appreciate everyone’s taking the time to advise and share experiences. My mother gave me permission to speak to her doctors, which I have done countless times. I recommended therapy (that went over like a lead balloon). We talked about medication and meditation. As they say in Brooklyn, «Foggeddaboudit.»

My mother has become more forgetful, even though she is still sharp, so even if I tell her the night before that I have an early morning appointment, she panics if, in her mind, she thinks something horrific has happened to me because she cannot reach me. Now I send her a monthly schedule, in writing. However, now that my fake knee is getting better and my infection is under control, I want to go out and about. If I neglect to report in, my mother can literally have a stroke. There’s just so much I can do, being many miles away and going through some seriously stressful health-related events in my own life. That proverbial rock and hard place are closing me in.

Good Morning VF,

You have a very full plate and I admire all you are doing while hurdling your own problems. While I don't have any advice I do send you sincere cyber support and prayers. Like you, it sometimes helps me to just let it out here on our forums. There are so many people here to offer thoughtful suggestions and they will help you.

Please let us know how you are doing and I send blessings to you, your mom and your loved ones. Enjoy healing and good health!

C

TX-starlight · ‎03-10-2010

My mom suffered many yrs from depression & in later yrs, anxiety. There is not much you can do to satisfy them when they get older. Mom also had dementia. I could call her several times daily, & she still called me when she THOUGHT I should be home. Older people become very much confused, about YOUR daily routine, even if they don't have dementia. My mom lived a block from me, so I was in/out daily. I would write notes, where I would be, even call while I was away, just to reassure her, but she still got upset. It's just part of their age. My mom died 2 yrs ago, I learned a LOT about dementia & old age during the last yr of her life, but I wish I had known more. It's very hard to accept their failing age. Maybe you could also arrange for someone to stop by occasionally when you will be gone or unable to answer her calls. Possibly arrange a Home health agency to start coming in several times a wk. I was an only child, with not much help from anyone, so it was extremely hard to satisfy her as to my where abouts. I was her main focus, so it was extremely hard for me.