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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,101
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group


@Snoopp wrote:

@september So sorry.  May I ask did you get any counseling during the illness?  Sometimes I think it might be helpful, othertimes not.  Guess I'm on the fence about it, but it's a strange situation when dealing with a long term terminal illness.  


@Snoopp  Sorry for the delay in responding.  I haven’t been online much.  

 

Yes, I was part of a caregiver support group and also went to a one on one counselor.  Both very helpful!

 

I just got an invite to the annual holiday party for the support group. I plan to go.  So many kind people...will be good to see them again.  

Super Contributor
Posts: 352
Registered: ‎06-02-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@geezerette - I'm not sure. Perhaps it is the loving, caring way you spoke of her. All of the nonsense my sister has generated with my nephew's death is staggering. But I am holding on to memories of laughter and love I shared with him. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 618
Registered: ‎06-15-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

I was at the drs yesterday just for routine visit and I asked if I could go back on a type of mild depression med as I am under a lot of stress and the holidays are hard. Well an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me,grief, it’s been 4 years for me and I agree with poster that said it’s bigger than us and just takes over. Not as often now but it happens.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,101
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@Elom  I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I can understand why holidays will be tough.  Please take care of yourself and I hope you feel better, soon.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,101
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Okay, friends...I need some help with something.

 

today, I started writing thank you notes to people who have sent flowers and cards.  I’m trying to do about 10/day.  

 

I finished with with all the people who sent flowers.  I’m not sure what to do or say about someone who sent a check (for $50) and in the memo section, she wrote “for memorial”. 

 

Is it common for someone to send $$$ when a family member passes away.  She is my aunt.  This is the only check I got.  It came right away, almost two weeks ago, and I haven’t cashed the check. What do I do about this?  

 

I dont need the money...but think it might be insulting to not use it?

 

thanks in advance for your advice!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,022
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@septemberDid you designate a charity in lieu of flowers?Maybe that was her intention. A cousin of my Dad did that, gave a check for one of my Mom's designated charities in person after the funeral.  So I wrote her a thank you and mailed the check to the charity. 

 

I didn't have to do that many thank you notes, we didn't receive that many donations or flowers but I acknowledged every single one. Not that many people attended my Mom's funeral. She had a small circle, and some live out of the country or state.

 

I would pick a charity important to your husband and send them $50 with a note explaining that it's in memory of your husband in your aunt's name. And send her a card telling her all about it.

 

 

"Empathy is a superpower"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,925
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group


@september wrote:

Okay, friends...I need some help with something.

 

today, I started writing thank you notes to people who have sent flowers and cards.  I’m trying to do about 10/day.  

 

I finished with with all the people who sent flowers.  I’m not sure what to do or say about someone who sent a check (for $50) and in the memo section, she wrote “for memorial”. 

 

Is it common for someone to send $$$ when a family member passes away.  She is my aunt.  This is the only check I got.  It came right away, almost two weeks ago, and I haven’t cashed the check. What do I do about this?  

 

I dont need the money...but think it might be insulting to not use it?

 

thanks in advance for your advice!


@september

 

Does this happen to be an older person?  The reason I ask is that is used to be quite common for friends and relatives to chip in toward the headstone, or “memorial”, for the deceased.  Today it’s less common, more people request charitable donations if they don’t want flowers sent.

 

It’s also still common in my area to ask for donations toward funeral expenses and/or a memorial for those who may not be able to afford it themselves.  Especially if it was an unexpected death.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,596
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@september  So sorry for your loss....I just wanted to comment on the "check" from the aunt.  I do this sometimes...I figure there are so many flowers and perhaps the money could help pay for the expenses of the funeral and so on.  I would cash it for sure...unless you had requested donations for charity insteadi of flowers.  I did this for my brother's step son when he committed suicide.  He was only 30 and I knew the cost of this funeral and cremation for them would be alot at that time financially.  At the funeral home there were many people and flowers so several of us did a card with money instead to help out.  My parents always did this too...come to think of it.  They may still send flowers but always gave money to help the family with the expense.

 

I seem to be in a state of long grief and still cry easily to be honest.  Just a few weeks ago my brother's daughter (same brother as mentioned above but I have 4 brothers) was with her husband (just married this Feb) car accident.  He didn't make it...she is recovering from her injuries (broken neck and so on) so sad...he was so in love with my niece.  They were like to peas in a pod...he wrote and sang some beautiful songs for her at the reception.  I cried...told him just how beautiful they were that day!  And now he's gone...so tragic....heartbreaking.

 

Then early this yr on my husband's side...his cousin's daughter with her friend both 16yrs old died in a car accident going to practice.  Absolutely stunning and heartbreaking.

 

The last few yrs my MIL passed...my father 3yrs ago....my dog of 15yrs 2wks before my Dad....and my Mom 5yrs ago plus my brother's step son within a few months of each other.

 

I am so sick of going to funerals....yet I know it was a miracle my niece didn't die just recently in that horrible car accident but still she's a mess and heartbroken.  Life is hard....getting old doesn't make it easier for you.  

 

I never found the need to put things away after my Mom passed away....I had her pictures thur out my home.  My sister's also...she passed away 15yrs ago.  She was young...only 42 but so ill for 23yrs with MS a very severe case...my Mom had her at home all her life.

 

So I notice I cry at just about anything....and truly feel pain and sorrow for others going thur loss.  Thanksgiving was hard....my husband's side we weren't sure how his cousins were going to make thur as this was their 1st without their 16yr old daughter.  My husband didn't want me bringing up anything about what just happened on my side with my niece and her husband passing away but I didn't plan on it so told him to calm down.  

 

Anyway I got long here...just dumping out some pain....it feels so odd to have no parents on either side of the family...only in my early 50's and well the new normal is still a big adjustment.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,101
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@tsavorite@Greeneyedlady21@geezerette  Thank you, for helping me figure out the situation with the check!  My aunt is about 70 and lost her husband last year, so maybe she was sent checks as well? 

 

I did suggest a charity in my husband’s obituary, but she sent me the card before it was even published.  I will thank her for it and let her know I’m donating the $$$.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,101
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@tsavorite  I’m very sorry about your niece’s husband.  I hope she makes a full recovery.  

 

I understand what you mean about having so many people we’re close to, pass one after another.  Got a call this morning, telling me that our nephew passed away last night. He battled lung cancer for many years, so we were expecting this, but it’s still so hard to hear.